I think this is a key source of my issues

[Greatshield17]

Growing up I have dealt with a lot of people who were unforgiving, strict, moody, untrustworthy and so on, and I think this is a key source of my anger and cynicism; as well as recent times, being subject to rash judgements and misjudgments, having things about me disclosed and the like. I'm not sure how to deal with this but, perhaps some people may have some suggestions.

 

[Outdated]

There's many different types of bully in the world but they all have the same goal. They try to turn you in to another version of themselves. If that happens then they get validation for their poor behaviour.

Don't let them win.

Consider what it means to you to be a good person and try to be that person. What other people think of you or say about you should not make any difference to you. You know who you are and who you want to be and in that area your own advice should be what you listen to.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Ahhh yes,...the "moral diagnosis". My parents, siblings, old acquaintances,...never forgive. You are who you are in their mind,...and your attempts at trying to climb your way back into their good graces is a fool's errand. Oh, sure, even if on your knees, you pleaded your case and out of some sense of guilt, they let you back into their lives,...they will remember,...sitting back there in their minds,...years later. You aren't erasing anything.

In my life, I have left a path of ended relationships,...even my own family. Now, I am not saying this is the correct thing to do. After all, what do I know? I don't seem to bond with anyone, and throw in the alexithymia, I don't have any conscious sense of love for the people closest to me,...my wife and children. I know for a fact, if push came to shove, I would not hesitate to die for them,...an unconscious bonding and love. That mind-body disconnect can really mess with you. At any rate, it is real easy for me to say, "Just get new people" and move on,...you can't change the past,...you can't weigh yourself down with guilt, as it will eat you up inside.

I am looking at this externally, without any emotion here.

 

[Outdated]

.... I don't seem to bond with anyone....

I'm similar but not quite. I bond with many people, I've had many very good friends throughout my life. But I don't miss them when they're not around. So if I can shrug off good friends without really noticing that they're gone you can imagine how I respond to people that aren't good friends.

The only two times I have ever missed anyone was the two times i fell in love.

 

[WildCat]

You can't change what other people do or say, or have done and said in the past, but you can change how you handle yourself. If you put some work into it, of course, but that's your decision.

It may take baby steps, it's not going to happen in a flash and it's going to take some time. The whole debating with someone else, as an example? Maybe break it down and ask yourself a few questions first:

"Is this worth it?"
"What am I gaining from this?"
"Will this make me angry again?"
"Does the other person make a valid point?"

That last one is difficult, I know, but when the other person DOES make a valid point? There are going to be times where you have to get off your high horse, shut it and process what you were told. Probably one of the most difficult endeavors in human history, yeah, but it does happen.

I can tell you, from my personal experience, that the more you give in to that anger, the stronger it gets, and it will consume you if you let it. Real easy to do too. In my case, my past, it led to suicidal thoughts and almost landed me a trip to the police station. Don't feel obligated to give any of those people any kind of acknowledgement...you can't change the past, but you can prepare for the future.

 

[Magna]

"What do I do when I ask forgiveness and it's not given by someone?"

I'm thinking of people other than the people I live with (ie family): Answer: I move on with my life.

I suppose it would make more of a difference if that person was the only other person on the planet. I suppose then I'd care more about whether they'd forgive me or not.

 

[Greatshield17]

Thanks everyone, I'll get your replies and advice later; I'm having kind of a rough day today.

 

[Greatshield17]

I want to add that, I really wish I could back to when this was my favorite forum site, I lost a lot of trust over these past months or year, my reputation was attacked and such, I've grown angry and distrustful. Even posting this thread was hard for me.

 

[Greatshield17]

Thanks everyone, I'll get your replies and advice later; I'm having kind of a rough day today.

I haven't forgotten this thread, if I have time today, I'll get to some of the responses.

 

[Greatshield17]

It may take baby steps, it's not going to happen in a flash and it's going to take some time. The whole debating with someone else, as an example? Maybe break it down and ask yourself a few questions first:

"Is this worth it?"
"What am I gaining from this?"
"Will this make me angry again?"
"Does the other person make a valid point?"

That last one is difficult, I know, but when the other person DOES make a valid point? There are going to be times where you have to get off your high horse, shut it and process what you were told. Probably one of the most difficult endeavors in human history, yeah, but it does happen.

Right now, a lot of my anger comes from debates where I know I was right yet everyone thinks I'm wrong; too be fair, there have been debates where I would word things and then instead of correcting them calmly or at all I would just get, perhaps because of the above where I feel like people will believe I'm wrong no matter what.

That being said there probably are times in the past where I'm wrong, and in the future where I'll be wrong and I should think about those.

I can tell you, from my personal experience, that the more you give in to that anger, the stronger it gets, and it will consume you if you let it. Real easy to do too. In my case, my past, it led to suicidal thoughts and almost landed me a trip to the police station. Don't feel obligated to give any of those people any kind of acknowledgement...you can't change the past, but you can prepare for the future.

I do see that in my life, especially in regards to self-destructiveness, I often feel like I have to go to extreme lengths for people to believe me.