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I think I can see where a lot of my “worst possible outcome” thinking comes from.

Metalhead

Metalhead

8647
V.I.P Member
Earlier today, my mother gave me a surprise visit. My house is usually spotless and organized, but between my left arm and my left knee being in tons of pain, I decided to let my body rest and get back to the spotless cleaning after I recover, and I am recovering and my house should be clean again in a couple of days.

Because my house was a bit of a mess, I had to get an earful from my mother telling me that if I did not clean my house ASAP and my landlord came to visit, I would immediately be evicted and become homeless.

Thanks a lot, Mrs Doom and Gloom.

She was always jumping to the worst possible outcome if I was not picture perfect in her eyes, and a lot of that rubbed off on me. I need to knock that kind of thinking off.
 
Seems to be a human trait that many people are sort of "hardwired" for negativity and fear. I am not one that does this, but I have many people around me that tend to go down these negative paths. It's difficult to talk to people that get really emotional and want to "hammer" in their negative thoughts on other people. Some people simply cannot accept that within any given topic, there are good things and bad things, that we cannot avoid some "collateral damage" when it comes to certain actions. Something could be 90% positive, but all they see is the "devastating consequences" to the other 10%. It's like when your doctor prepares you for a surgical procedure and lists all the potential, but highly unlikely bad outcomes, you only focus on the 0.0001% possibility that you might not wake up from anesthesia, not the 99% chance that you will have a good outcome. OK, at that point, I can't help your psychosis. Your ability to assess risk is highly impaired.

Once I studied these behavior concepts around cognitive biases, perspective taking, and context, it certainly cleared my head, slowed my thinking, allowed me not to have "knee-jerk" responses, and see the whole spectrum of blacks, greys, and whites. It allowed me to have more temperance, in general.
 
And she will present this as a kindness, since she *knew*
you wouldn't be able to manage your own food intake
in a reasonable way.
 
I think the marketing team behind Veggie Straws should be imprisoned for fraud. There is absolutely nothing healthy about them and they have none of the benefits that actual veggies have.
 
I think you handled this well, you saw her for what she really was, and how her help wasn't really help, and she had no consideration to even offer to help with anything. You basically see thru her now, you can view her actions in a more deattached manner. l am dealing with someone who is medically held back, and l remind myself to offer choices, give emotional support, give them space, and to treat them with dignity no matter how tired, or frustrated l am. I need to put my needs on the side, and be a support system until their life becomes more manageable. Something that your mother has no understanding of. l have stumbled a bit, but we always talk things out, and sometimes l come up with better solutions.
 
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I have not spoken to her in over a week. Nothing has come of that yet. But if this keeps up, I can get used to this.
 
Metalhead said:
And, naturally, she decided to leave behind a bag of overly processed potato starch Styrofoam pseudo food called Veggie Straws. She admitted she did that on purpose because she believed I would not be able to stick to eating actual veggies as a snack for the long haul. She is trying to sabotage my diet. I threw those Veggie Straws away.

Are Veggie Straws Bad For You? - Here Is Your Answer.
Click to expand...
Maybe you should've given them away to a homeless person instead!
 
I tend to have this type of thinking too, and I've unintentionally scared some quality dates away because of it. It's hard to balance. Best we can do is keep trying when we're ready and look for things under our control that potentially help us improve our own situations. Even Little Victories can help!
 
Metalhead said:
I have not spoken to her in over a week. Nothing has come of that yet. But if this keeps up, I can get used to this.
Click to expand...

Ymmv
My 2c is hold onto the idea that life can be different, even peaceful, depending on who's in your chosen social circle
 
Metalhead said:
And, naturally, she decided to leave behind a bag of overly processed potato starch Styrofoam pseudo food called Veggie Straws. She admitted she did that on purpose because she believed I would not be able to stick to eating actual veggies as a snack for the long haul. She is trying to sabotage my diet. I threw those Veggie Straws away.

Are Veggie Straws Bad For You? - Here Is Your Answer.
Click to expand...

I saw a Veggie Straws commercial and thought of this post today. I found this thread right away in the search function.

My mind was telling me that if your mother maybe didn’t surprise you, and if she told you straight out that she has these Veggie Straw chips that she’d like you to try that may incentivize you to eventually eat real vegetables, this behavior may have been taken very differently than how she did react. While her intentions may have been good, they were actually bad because she felt she was potentially being “helpful” by not saying anything by showing up by surprise and doing you a “favor” by leaving that small bag in your place. Maybe you should ask her to leave you real vegetables or leave nothing at all and whether you eat them or not is up to you. If you don’t eat them, then it’s on you for your own health, but at least you always deserve that opportunity instead of being treated as a burden through being slighted with a veggie snacks bag. It’s like fake help because she is giving you something bad for you with the hopes of it doing something good for you but then she isn’t being transparent about it and that actually makes the sentiment off-putting and disrespectful like you aren’t a human being.

I think you should maybe write an email or letter telling her this. This would show maturity and express your boundaries of dignity well.
 
As for the cleaning of the home, is she capable to help you out?
If she's capable to help you out, does it tend to be overimposing?

A few of my own relatives have been like this. They used to clean my place without asking even, and I considered additional locks, but it wasn't worth the aggravation. Eventually, I was too busy with other stuff I would have to accept the fact that I will have to look for some things after the re-arranging. The re-organization did help a little.

There was one time where my room was re-arranged 4-5 times and it didn't help. Then I demanded those relatives stop because it isn't helping and to stop complaining and focus on their own I told them you are re-arranging just to arrange and I need to focus on other things.

What can help with a messy place (without making you go insane) when re-organizing doesn't help anymore is:
1. clean what you can
2. start using some of the items that you have around the place.
3a. If you know you are done with an item, try to sell and/or give it away if it's still useable.
3b. If you want to buy a new item, especially one that is similar to what you have now, as a self-incentive, you must finish the current item you have first. For instance, maybe you can sense once you go through a CD or book once, that will be enough utility for you. You haven't used the CD or book yet, but you already want a new CD and/or new book. You also sense that this CD/book is mainstream and will not be too limited in supply later on.
You can decide that you will not get the new CD or book yet until you finish something with what you have first.


Small steps are better than no steps!
 
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