I speak and he hides...

[Sass]

So I've noticed, with my NT hubby, that I'm the one likely to bring up issues that have been festering/brewing between us so we can attempt to deal with them. He says the right things then goes and hides and it all goes back to the way it was before. We're verging on ambivalence towards each other at times because nothing gets addressed. It's a bit like being room-mates with kids. I actually think I'm emotionally smarter than him, and I'm supposed to be the one with issues in that area! Argh!!! Anyone with an NT partner have these problems?

 

[Tarragon]

Helloooooooo.


I'm not the only one to notice this? It's annoying isn't it! There are (many) times I wonder about the supposedly "better functioning" NT brain!!

 

[Sass]

I'm actually pretty sure it's not an ASD/NT issue. More of a 'lazy b*stard doesn't want to do his share of the relationship maintenance because he thinks his financial income should trump it' thing. Lordy, I shouldn't rant really but f*********ck it gets annoying!

 

[Judge]

I'm actually pretty sure it's not an ASD/NT issue. More of a 'lazy b*stard doesn't want to do his share of the relationship maintenance because he thinks his financial income should trump it' thing. Lordy, I shouldn't rant really but f*********ck it gets annoying!

Good point. Looks like someone is relying on a perceived (and anachronistic) gender role. Yeah, that's a bit of a different animal.

Yeah, "hunters" still have to pull their end of any relationship with any "gatherer" as well as be a parent if children are involved. I'd quote him that too!

 

[Peace]

I hate what you are describing. It could be however, that he thinks you just need to vent and that he is doing the right thing by being a good listener. If you really want change you are going to have address this, or leave him.
You might consider asking him to share in writing things down. Write down your concern and give it to him. Ask him to respond within a certain amount of time. This prevents arguing and gives you a record of things to ensure that he both heard and understood.

 

[Sass]

I hate what you are describing. It could be however, that he thinks you just need to vent and that he is doing the right thing by being a good listener. If you really want change you are going to have address this, or leave him.
You might consider asking him to share in writing things down. Write down your concern and give it to him. Ask him to respond within a certain amount of time. This prevents arguing and gives you a record of things to ensure that he both heard and understood.

All good advice, and all things I've done before, and you're right, he is a good listener. He did tell me the other day that I'm 'going on about' my diagnosis a lot, but hell, it's quite recent and I'm trying to process it! He's having his own issues at the moment, so I think once he goes back to his therapist we'll be back on track, but it's hard feeling as though you're the only one making an effort, especially after 13 years together!

This morning it doesn't seem as bad as it seemed last night, and I did manage to get him to talk a bit. I also explained that I'm not trying to attack him or blame him for anything, but that if we don't talk things will get worse. When we're happy, the kids are happy, and that's important.

Thanks for letting me rant guys

 

[Sass]

Oh and while he's not grand at dealing with me right now, he's an amazing Dad. He spends a lot of time with the kids, going to the park, drawing, going for walks...