Kyn
Active Member
So, I joined AC several months ago in hopes of finding some insights that might benefit my relationship (which I have for sure). I am a mostly NT (I have some tendencies towards the spectrum, and some other quirks and oddities, but that's it), dating an aspie. We have been together for 6 years, and normally I am able to figure out why he does and says some of the things that he does that don't make sense to me. Our relationship is unconventional and most of my NT friends and family don't get it or approve, but we make it work. Right now, though, I am having a hard time understanding where he is coming from and I am hoping that you guys can help me out.
The current situation is thus: we have been apart for a year now, due to him moving to the east coast (of the US) from California for a job opportunity. We were able to spend time together over Christmas, but that has been all. It has been unpleasant and difficult, but we have hung in there. I do not have the funds to move out there on my own, and was just denied disability (for physical limitations), which I was hoping would make the move possible. I am continuing to fight for that as well as exploring other avenues. We are both sick of the long distance relationship thing.
Recently, he was invited to come to Los Angeles for a unique opportunity relating to his love of art. I was hopeful that perhaps I would get to see him, as he will only a couple hours away. However, much to my confusion, disappointment, and distress, he does not seem to want to see me at all even though I volunteered to drive to meet him. He tends to prefer to keep different aspects of his life separate, and so when he said that he was going to treat this as a business, not pleasure, trip and did not want to visit anyone, I figured was the reason. Now, though, I learn that his mom will be spending the whole 4 days that he will be here with him, and they have all sorts of plans.
I really don't know how to take this. I don't know any other man in his 40s that would rather share a hotel room and weekend with his mom than his girlfriend. Especially when he hasn't seen me in over 6 months. I don't know what to think.
I would draw the reasonable conclusion that he is ready to end the relationship, except that he has been especially affectionate over the phone lately. Not with silly, sappy words (he doesn't do that), but by talking about the future together, expressing that he wishes that I was there with him, and saying how he can't wait for me to move there, etc. The two things together are incompatible to me. He misses us being together, but now that there is an opportunity to see each other, he does not want to see me. It is just of no importance to him.
How is that even possible? I feel like I am really missing something here. I don't want to be un-understanding or unsupportive, but I really just don't get it.
The current situation is thus: we have been apart for a year now, due to him moving to the east coast (of the US) from California for a job opportunity. We were able to spend time together over Christmas, but that has been all. It has been unpleasant and difficult, but we have hung in there. I do not have the funds to move out there on my own, and was just denied disability (for physical limitations), which I was hoping would make the move possible. I am continuing to fight for that as well as exploring other avenues. We are both sick of the long distance relationship thing.
Recently, he was invited to come to Los Angeles for a unique opportunity relating to his love of art. I was hopeful that perhaps I would get to see him, as he will only a couple hours away. However, much to my confusion, disappointment, and distress, he does not seem to want to see me at all even though I volunteered to drive to meet him. He tends to prefer to keep different aspects of his life separate, and so when he said that he was going to treat this as a business, not pleasure, trip and did not want to visit anyone, I figured was the reason. Now, though, I learn that his mom will be spending the whole 4 days that he will be here with him, and they have all sorts of plans.
I really don't know how to take this. I don't know any other man in his 40s that would rather share a hotel room and weekend with his mom than his girlfriend. Especially when he hasn't seen me in over 6 months. I don't know what to think.
I would draw the reasonable conclusion that he is ready to end the relationship, except that he has been especially affectionate over the phone lately. Not with silly, sappy words (he doesn't do that), but by talking about the future together, expressing that he wishes that I was there with him, and saying how he can't wait for me to move there, etc. The two things together are incompatible to me. He misses us being together, but now that there is an opportunity to see each other, he does not want to see me. It is just of no importance to him.
How is that even possible? I feel like I am really missing something here. I don't want to be un-understanding or unsupportive, but I really just don't get it.
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