I mess up socially because___________

[Sparticus]

I know that feeling! I'm guilty of repeating certain stories several times. "You already told me that story!" is the response I get. I don't get them either.

Apparently I tell the same stories over and over again. After one person says this to me several time I just stop telling stories because I feel stupid and like I'm annoying them, and then they think I'm mad because I'm not talking. I don't get it!

 

[Sparticus]

Very deep response Nolan.

It's funny how only our fellow aspies see beyond the stare and see what's hidden from everyone else. Maybe we just look deeper!

 

[Sparticus]

That's a story!!!! Social boundaries...I kinda forget that they are and need to relearn them. Welcome to the group.

I lack social boundaries sometimes. Ill tell you a funny story. So at this Halloween party my friend was dressed up as the whore of babylon. My original costume as a scotsman fell apart, so I put on this shirt that the seminary banned me from wearing (college IM soccer team named Multiple Scorgasms) and a slip from the mailroom which said "You have a package"...on my package. And I was drinking and dancing, I love to dance. And someone asked her why she wasnt dancing, she said there was no pole, so I being a bit tipsy pointed to my package and told her I have one. Anyways I guess even with her being dressed as she was, and her comment, mine was still too far. She still gets mad about it and says it was the only time in two years at the school that shes been offended.

 

[Sparticus]

I thought there was something wrong in high school when my buds that I had abandoned for a bit to hang around with my brother and another crew-well the first bunch of guys during my absence had created a few pet phrases with each other.

I had no clue what they meant when they said em and always felt uncomfortable. As for non verbal communication I'm still learning :-( And I mess up a lot.

I mess up socially because..I'm oblivious to non-verbal communication! It's incredibly frustrating, like everyone else has an extra sense and I'm somehow missing out. So therefore I rarely pick up on anything that isn't directly said to me.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I mess up socially because I usually don't know what to say or do.

 

[Turk]

I mess up socially because I allow my anxiety to stop me hearing what people have to say. If I just listened instead of focusing on what I was going to say next, id have something to talk about. Oh the irony

 

[Soup]

I mess up socially because I care so little for socializing that I really do not make much of an effort at it unless it is connected to my duties as a teacher or my husband's work. With all that, I am all 'peopled out' & I have no desire whatsoever to hook on a smiley-button grin.

 

[Paige]

I am to quiet.

 

[Vanilla]

I mess up socially, because I can't understand how to speak to a person, until I've gotten to know them. It's like each person has a specific template, catered to the individual. You can't talk to everyone with the same template, it simply doesn't work. Once you've established the template, you're good to go, but figuring it out is the hard part, as you can only do so by trial and error

 

[GoofKing]

I mess up socially because I hate how 'socializing' involves things like body language and picking up ques and etc and the non-autistic are lucky that this is natural for them and that they don't have to think during these situations .

There's also the anxiety that trips me up and causes that awkward silence as I try to think up something else to talk about. :/ Even when I try to contribute to the conversation or whatever I still hate how I sound like a child trying to talk like an adult.

 

[ghoulbler]

I have no clue how to pay attention to myself and the other person at the same time.
I either focus too much on myself and become very withdrawn, or I forget about myself and become a loose-cannon.

 

[wyverary]

I have no clue how to pay attention to myself and the other person at the same time.
I either focus too much on myself and become very withdrawn, or I forget about myself and become a loose-cannon.

Now that is very well put...describes me perfectly!

 

[aspiemike]

I don't know social ritual, or maybe I kinda do but I can't fake it because I think it is boring, fake, ridiculous, and a waste of time. I used to be able to pass as a "NT" as you guys put it, but I have lost my ability to do that, I feel like it kills my soul, I feel like a fraud. I'd rather be me and unique and interesting and then get upset when other people don't think I am as unique and interesting as I think I am. So I try to inject myself into a social group, usually after meeting someone I feel I can trust and relate to. I have to say when I run into these people they are usually incredible people, it's when I try to hang with their circle is when it goes bad. I usually do ok at first but then they start noticing that I am "off" a little at a time, then they usually start acting weird toward me, and that is about the time I go haywire, as in I have a meltdown, I have been found out, I am an imposter. My anxiety amps way up and I completely fizzle out. Then I usually retreat from society and go hermit. This was before I found out I was an Aspie. Now that I have a why I think maybe I can handle it better.

 

[Laurent]

i like any kind of arts to express what my mouth can tell. it's really a need, even if it doesn't help my social life to be easier. I live in my own world, and art does help me, but my every day life and relationship are so complicated. Too many people too judge me without understand me, but I cannot blame them, with my complexity and all my contradictions! And maybe girls are scared by my behaviour? I'm just living in my head, but we are too many to live there.

 

[nova]

I still have not figured out how I am supposed to respond when I'm walking, like down a hallway or something, and someone walking in the other direction greets/acknowledges me with a casual "what's up?" as they continue to walk past me. I understand responding to a polite "hi/hello" with "what's up" because you have a mutual unspoken agreement that it's not an actual conversation and you are both still walking and you don't have to respond because you already said hi first... but I have never been able to walk away from a casual hallway-passing-hello exchange initiated by a "what's up" without doing that awkward obviously-forced nod thing that makes me feel like an undercover alien that just totally exposed the entire operation. But realistically, it probably just reinforces my (genuinely inaccurate) reputation of being rude/generally uninterested in other people.

That sounds like such a tiny, dumb thing but it seriously haunts me on an almost daily basis.

 

[Vanilla]

I still have not figured out how I am supposed to respond when I'm walking, like down a hallway or something, and someone walking in the other direction greets/acknowledges me with a casual "what's up?" as they continue to walk past me. I understand responding to a polite "hi/hello" with "what's up" because you have a mutual unspoken agreement that it's not an actual conversation and you are both still walking and you don't have to respond because you already said hi first... but I have never been able to walk away from a casual hallway-passing-hello exchange initiated by a "what's up" without doing that awkward obviously-forced nod thing that makes me feel like an undercover alien that just totally exposed the entire operation. But realistically, it probably just reinforces my (genuinely inaccurate) reputation of being rude/generally uninterested in other people.

That sounds like such a tiny, dumb thing but it seriously haunts me on an almost daily basis.

Lol, this gets me too. I end up continuing the conversation sometimes, and they're still walking away

 

[rollerskate]

I forget to use general greetings and opening/closing small talk a lot. I either talk about myself or my interests too much or go into icy silence where I can't think of anything to say. I show visible disinterest/boredom in topics I don't care about like. I tend to only want to have deep, philosophical/psychological conversations when it comes to getting to know each other. I either don't make enough contact or make it too often. No matter how polite and sweet I am I still act aloof and closed off. That's the gist of it...

Wow, the person who said they have issues paying attention to themselves and the other person at the same time NAILED it!

I also have issues seeming as "fun" to other people because what's fun to me is boring or work to them. And what most NTs love doing I find to be completely boring, like going to bars/clubs, the movies, theme parks, sports, fishing, blah blah. It's like everything they do for fun has to focus on meaningless/pointless socializing or passively staring at something for hours. And there must always be some kind of rules or structure to it. And it must be something everyone else does. How is that living at all?

 

[anthoskate]

I suspect this is not an issue solely for AS folk, but given our social awkwardness and nerves one thing that I always mess up is remembering the names of people whom I've JUST been introduced to and then not knowing how to ask who they are again. I know that a good trick is to repeat their name right after they say it, but this only works if focused instead of being wrapped up in whatever my mind is trying to process instead of names. I also sometimes forget to properly introduce myself.

Yeah, I have the same problem. In high school I passed two whole years without knowing my teachers names. I know that it sounds unbelievable because I could have just listend to the other kid when they called the teacher, but when I was in high school I was zoned out most of the time.

 

[wyverary]

How is that living at all?

For some people, that IS living. They are doing things that they enjoy and get pleasure from (genuinely, not simply because it's something that's somehow expected of them). Whether it's boring to us doesn't really matter. And among NT's, too, they all find different things, and judge other NT's on their own habits. I think everyone has different ways of finding happiness and having fun, even if we or others don't understand them.

And re: badwolf (awesome username, by the way...Who reference?) I have the same problem, and problems related to that. Sometimes I'll come across an acquaintance, and we exchange the usual greetings, maybe have a little small talk...and then I'm never sure when to leave the conversation. It's usually an awkward few seconds before the other party says, "Well, I guess I'll see you!" and we both manage a feat of daring escape.

 

[Judge]

Wow, the person who said they have issues paying attention to themselves and the other person at the same time NAILED it!

Yes. It's just another exhausting process where you feel you must stand outside of yourself in the "third person" and watch what you say, and are going to say, all the while trying to absorb what others are saying, and in real time.

Made even more frustrating when you realize you're likely the only person in the room feeling this way.