I just want people to be kind in here.

[Tony Ramirez]

I am not here for advice. I am here for support

My new therapist said this is a bad place for support and this is very toxic place to be yes I showed him this very form and I was treated here and he said it's not good for me yes my new therapist said that his words and what what I was bullied here so yes take that one with a grain of salt.

 

[BrianWV39]

My new therapist said this is a bad place for support and this is very toxic place to be yes I showed him this very form and I was treated here and he said it's not good for me yes my new therapist said that his words and what what I was bullied here so yes take that one with a grain of salt.

The internet can be a cruel place. I really am quite the optimist though. I think society will get better and better at handling the internet. It really is a new challenge. In truth I think we are all pretty much just taking it on the chin right now. Future generations will get much better at handling the downsides of the internet.

It sounds like you have a decent therapist I am happy for you

 

[Isaac]

To one extent or another my hobbies have always been reading, writing, movies, music, trying to get into a relationship and getting high/drunk.

I no longer drink for health reasons. The others, I still to my best to partake in them somewhat. I have lost a lot of joy in reading and watching movies though. Those are the two hobbies I will confess I hope come back to me when I am in a relationship.

Thank you for asking

Have you ever tried co-op video games or something else that's purely cooperative instead of competitive? Might be cool to team up with some people and work toward a mutual goal. That type of stuff builds bonds really well. I think I remember that someone else might've mentioned this before? Not sure.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

persistence and luck

For people like me and the original poster 100% original pure dumb luck.

 

[BrianWV39]

Have you ever tried co-op video games or something else that's purely cooperative instead of competitive? Might be cool to team up with some people and work toward a mutual goal. That type of stuff builds bonds really well. I think I remember that someone else might've mentioned this before? Not sure.

It is a great suggestion. I think even by neurodivergent standards I do not really connect or bond with people in quite the same ways.

It is tough, I talk about my frustrations over being single. Very kind people like you make a great suggestion and I am put in the position where I have to say that is not really my jam. Video games are just not for me. I can spend all night talking or texting to someone. The second it becomes just about any other sort of activity I am out.

Then people attack me and say I never take their suggestions. It is a fair critique. I know I am different. I know I must seem like such a pain. I may explore social activties inside of a relationship. But as a rule of thumb, anything social is not something I will be very open to.

I am sorry to disappoint. I really truly am.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I can have one female friend now you can even call her one but basically she basically never texted me she's very busy we hanged out a few times but now I feel like she's basically ghosting me now and this is not the first time this happened the other times the past 2 years last year last one was brutal I'm very tired I'm over medicated.

I'm now on risperdal which I used to be on back when I was in my twenties when like the original poster I lost my friend group back then I never had any friends zero in college by the way I dropped out because of that.

But I had friends after that and I lost my first one I went into a lone wolf State 15 years then after that just read my post history it's very depressants.

I was previously on Prozac for a long time which actually made me too hyper and sociable I was also on Seroquel which was bad too but now I feel too mellow I feel like I'm actually going blind now I know one even cares about my life or my struggles.

 

[BrianWV39]

I can have one female friend now you can even call her one but basically she basically never texted me she's very busy we hanged out a few times but now I feel like she's basically ghosting me now and this is not the first time this happened the other times the past 2 years last year last one was brutal I'm very tired I'm over medicated.

I'm now on risperdal which I used to be on back when I was in my twenties when like the original poster I lost my friend group back then I never had any friends zero in college by the way I dropped out because of that.

But I had friends after that and I lost my first one I went into a lone wolf State 15 years then after that just read my post history it's very depressants.

I was previously on Prozac for a long time which actually made me too hyper and sociable I was also on Seroquel which was bad too but now I feel too mellow I feel like I'm actually going blind now I know one even cares about my life or my struggles.

I am so sorry about that. Do you have a good GP doctor you know and trust?

I have been on two SSRIs in my life. Neither remotely went well for me. I am glad you had some success on Prozac

Losing vision for any amount of time is horrible though and is something you should talk to your doctor about as soon as reasonable.

Thank you so much for sharing all that. I imagine many people in here have simular stories to you and I. Life can be very tough at time. Thanks again. I probably should be off to bed. Take it easy thanks you.

 

[arithmetic]

I get it that advice can seem like attack.
Even good advice has seemed like that to me, so it isn't always possible for me to make use of even the very best advice.

Sometimes there's too much information and I can't all get it processed and there is too much work to do trying to sort the information out - so it almost turns into noise.
Adding more information (good advice) has sometimes seemed almost like attack.

This cryptic exercise of "trying to live in the world" can be a very hard ask.

Wry smiles, my bro

 

[Matthias]

Isn't it obvious? I don't really play by the rules.

I am a very noncompetitive person. I don't really believe in self-improvement or comparing myself to others. As harsh as life has been to me socially in many respects life has gone very easy on me. I have managed to get three degrees without ever studying. I would do the bare minimum when it comes to assignments and essays, turn them in ger B's and I was always happy.

I never really stressed things like a career. I was always more interested in the human aspects of life. Friendships, love, art, relationship, things like that. So, when I was younger, I put most of my focus into those avenues. Had I known how different I was and that I was autistic I probably would have pursued other interests in life. Alas I thought everyone was like me, so I threw myself headfirst into love, friendships and relationships.

This did not go well for me for completely obvious reasons. That is when I stared having issues with depression, anxiety and started going to extensive therapy.

I seem to break a lot of unwritten rules that women quite frankly just seem to hate. One lesson I have repeatedly learned is that I am probably the world's worst salesmen. I could not sell a glass of water a man dying of thirst. I am so different that my ability to connect and persuade people seems to be at about zero.

So even though I was at parties, going to bars, talking to women I made absolutely zero progress. I was never going to be what a neurotypical woman was looking for. Things like money, improving myself, being popular, having success, being competitive and getting good at things was just not my jam- never has been, never will be. Thus, even though I was talking to and asking women out I was certainly not what they were looking for.

I simply had no clue how different I was and that my perception of the world was so very unique. As you can imagine an autistic guy like me moving deeper into my 20s, without any career or financial success, no friends, no social life; I was not exactly having women beat on my door lol.

Even without friends or a social life I did my best to keep going out socially. I went to grad school in a small college town in the Midwest. I went out drinking to bars most nights Wed-Sun. But I mostly sat alone. I had no idea how to engage or get people to like me. So, I sat there, drinking.

The older I got the worse my depression got, the worst my anxiety got, and my social isolation grew worse.

When I was thirty, I briefly reconnected with someone I knew about ten years earlier. We had worked at the same waterpark when I was twenty, we were both lifeguards. We had texted a little back in the day, but she had a long-time boyfriend at the time. Needless to say, I was smitten. We both went our different paths in life but about ten years later found ourselves living in the same city. She had a failed marriage by then and one kid. We started texting back and forth a little. Even talked on the phone one time.

Finally, she asked me what I did for a living. I told her I worked at Home Depot. She then asked, like in HR or at cooperate? No, I responded, just a basic job, I was a cashier. She never talked to me again

One more rejection story (I have a thousand of them), this goes back to my college days as well- hey I was more social then- anyways I was 22. I was about to enter my last year as an undergrad. Again, I was working as a lifeguard at a waterpark. I had a crush on this one girl for a couple of summers. Finally, I asked her out. She said, "I am sorry I just got out of a relationship and am not really interested in anything else right now." That was in late May or early June. In late July or early August I asked her out again, she responded "I am sorry but I just got out of a relationship and I am not really interested in another relationship right now." I gave her just a little bit of pushback. I was like "It has been a solid two months. She then kindly told me "Actually since you asked me out back in June I have been in another relationship and I am still recovering from that one."

It has always been like that for me. I am not really what women are looking for.

If women don't like you because you don't play by the rules and you're unwilling to change, I don't know how you expect to get a girlfriend. I think there's still a chance but you're probably going to have to settle for someone who is also unwilling or unable to improve themselves, such as a woman who is disabled, has numerous character flaws, or unemployed and mentally ill.

 

[Wizardry]

If women don't like you because you don't play by the rules and you're unwilling to change, I don't know how you expect to get a girlfriend. I think there's still a chance but you're probably going to have to settle for someone who is also unwilling or unable to improve themselves, such as a woman who is disabled, has numerous character flaws, or unemployed and mentally ill.

To expand on this even further, it would probably be a woman who lacks appeal to most men or doesn't have many other realistic dating options. Most women who are moderately physically attractive and put themselves out there, even with the traits you mentioned, will likely receive some interest from men, so it's likely that OP would need to accept a partner who lacks physical appeal to most men, or at least where OP's physical attractiveness level is higher than his prospective partner's. OP indicated an openness to dating a woman 20 years older than himself, so going about it this way could work for him.

OP said he's childfree and he doesn't make much money, so a woman with multiple children already (who many men wouldn't want to date because they don't want to take on the stepfather/provider role for them) would also not work for OP.