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I have no confidence

Mattymatt

Mattymatt

Imperfectly Perfect
I have no confidence that I will ever get out of the sorry state that I am in. I'm on three different medications that have absolutely killed my sex drive and ability to concentrate. Progress on my insurance adjuster course is painfully slow because I can really only focus for about 20-30 minutes at a time. Between Gabapentin (sleep and counteract the anxiety side effect of Risperidone), Risperidone (hearing voices), and Remeron (depression) I don't know which way is up.

I feel like the best of all of my years are in the past and I will never see good ones again. In fact, there are nights that I just wish I would fall asleep and never wake up again. The sick thing is that when I wake up, I feel good. As the day progresses, I go from happy to sad. I feel that I'm a burden to everyone, that I'm just a blight on society.

Tonight I just want to get high as kite. Anything to take away the pain. I just want to vape some THC. I feel so plumb out of control. I don't know what I want. Why is this world so cruel to people like me!?
 
Matt you are far from past it. You're a few years younger than me and you can and will bounce back from this low. Maybe the meds need adjusting or alternative meds used. Depression is itself a side effect of many drugs, even anti-depressants.
You are an intelligent guy with a big heart and a lot to offer the world. The biggest problem you have is people not recognising that yet. I have confidence in you even if it's hard to sometimes have that confidence in yourself :)
 
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For some reason, shrinks think that meds that kill our sex drives for psych patients is an acceptable side effect to deal with. It isn't. We should not have to put up with that, same as non-psych patients.

Tell your psychiatrist or whoever prescribes
your meds that they need to get creative and find some alternative meds for you.

This article on reclaiming your power during med appointments has lots of useful tips that I use in my med appointments and my daily life:
Reclaiming your power during medication appointments with your psychiatrist - National Empowerment Center

The organization that is from -- the National Empowerment Center -- has Dr. Daniel Fisher as its head. I met him and heard him give a talk.

He became a diagnosed schizophrenic in his 20s. At some point, he decided to go to med school to become a psychiatrist. His professionals helpers told him that this would be too stressful for him and advised against it. He did it anyway.

His schizophrenia is currently residual, in remission, or gone. He no longer meets the DSM criteria for schizophrenia. This does happen with some other males too.

And even if it does not happen for you and your own mental health label, you can still lead a fulfilling life.

I have been on psych meds for 2/3 of my life and I like my life most of the time.

It is not great to have additional stuff to deal with along with being autistic. But we can do the best we can with what we got most days.

Life is an incredible gift. I do understand feeling otherwise. Do not give up on yourself. I believe in you.
 
Do you remember how you felt as each medication was added? Did they seem to be working and that's why another was added, or did they have problems and others were added to fix the problems?

Gabapentin is not even for the things you said it's for. I'm sure it's prescribed off-label for those things, but does that mean you tried many others that didn't work before resorting to that? Does it help with sleep and anxiety?

I take it occasionally for partial seizures and it certainly has no effect on anxiety or sleep. I know someone who takes it for nerve pain and it helps with her sleep a bit but that's because of a side-effect of drowsiness, not anything intended.

Are the voices gone?

You're taking an anti-depressant and you're depressed. It makes me want to say the "anti" depressant is not working. Why are you on it then? Would you be even more depressed without it?
 
I WANT TO SAY NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF BE HAPPY IF YOU WANT MORE CONFIDENCE GO TO YOUTUBE AND TYPE IN WELCOME TO POOH CORNER YES I CAN I WISH YOU THE BEST BEST BEST DAY
 
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