I have autism but I rarely stim?

[Italianbratxoxo]

I feel like I’m always masking even in my own house. I don’t feel safe to stim because my coworkers would make fun of me for stimming in public. I don’t even want to stim alone or with people.

 

[Outdated]

Most of us that are higher functioning don't have any stims that people would recognise as such. We learned how to behave in public in order to be more successful in life. Playing with a toy or fidgeting while talking to people gives them a very bad impression, it's possibly one of the worst things you could do, it suggests that you're not interested in what they're saying but don't have the common courtesy to tell them so.

I don't recommend wishing you could stim in front of other people, it's not going to do you any favours. My stims are quite subtle, I'm not even sure if they are really stims, it is nice to have a beard to stroke though, that one gives people the impression that you're thinking.

 

[thejuice]

Theres stims i didnt realise were stims like tapping my fingers, or toes inside my shoes. Shaking leg occassionally. Blinking, swallowing etc. Clicking my teeth. Stuff you can mostly get away with..

 

[lunarious]

I don't want to Stim because I do not want to.

 

[FilterFreq]

I feel like I’m always masking even in my own house. I don’t feel safe to stim because my coworkers would make fun of me for stimming in public. I don’t even want to stim alone or with people.

I think I do the same thing. Sometimes I actually try to mask so hard that I stop stimming entirely (and if you notice, even NTs stim to some degree) so I end up coming off even stranger by sitting perfectly still.

Oh, the things we do to try to convince people we're not autistic. Even if it's on autopilot

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Playing with a toy or fidgeting while talking to people gives them a very bad impression, it's possibly one of the worst things you could do, it suggests that you're not interested in what they're saying but don't have the common courtesy to tell them so.

I have read this often online, but, to be honest, I have never experienced this in real life.

I have been told often by my family to stop humming or singing, especially during meals, because it's "impolite". Also while someone was talking to me (which I get).

But fidgeting was never a big issue. People might ask about the fidget toy, but I didn't get the impression that they thought I was bored or uninterested. In official settings, like a job interview, I kept it more or less hidden under the table. If in doubt, I let them know beforehand that it helps me to listen and to think. My friends have no problem with it, since they know about it.

Maybe it depends on the kind of people you're with?

Also, I am a young, shy-seeming woman who looks even younger than I actually am. People might "excuse" a lot more things, like fidgeting, because I seem shy, a bit anxious, and harmless.

I feel like I’m always masking even in my own house. I don’t feel safe to stim because my coworkers would make fun of me for stimming in public. I don’t even want to stim alone or with people.

Everyone's different. This sounds like you would like to stim but don't feel safe to do so. That's okay. You could maybe try a few different ways to stim in the safety of your own home, even lock the door for an additional feeling of safety?

But you don't have to stim to "be autistic". I am sure that there are many autists who don't stim, or maybe stim in such a way that they don't realize that that's even a stim.

 

[Rodafina]

People might ask about the fidget toy, but I didn't get the impression that they thought I was bored or uninterested... If in doubt, I let them know beforehand that it helps me to listen and to think. My friends have no problem with it, since they know about it.

I've had a similar experience to what you've described, @AuroraBorealis. I think it can go a long way to explain that a small fidget actually helps with concentration.

I recently explained to two new bosses that I look away when I am really focusing and taking in what they are saying and they were very accepting of that. Now, I don't have to worry about sustaining eye contact and they are learning to trust me.

People cannot read our minds and may not interpret our body language properly - I think it's reasonable to give a brief explanation of what is going on behind my blank stare into space and my fidgeting fingers. This information has been well received and helps me to relax and just be myself.

 

[lunarious]

@Rodafina @AuroraBorealis

Status is "they have Defenestrated me" whatever that means.

The Boss challenged me to a Duel twice and threw me out of the car even though i told hem my heart pumped HARD and fast.

In another occasion The Doctor told me it is natural for wheither Positive or Negative reasons, though he didn't say bad reasons.

Pure Psychic Pain Defenestrated me

 

[Rodafina]

@Rodafina @AuroraBorealis

Status is "they have Defenestrated me" whatever that means.

The Boss challenged me to a Duel twice and threw me out of the car even though i told hem my heart pumped HARD and fast.

In another occasion The Doctor told me it is natural for wheither Positive or Negative reasons, though he didn't say bad reasons.

Pure Psychic Pain Defenestrated me and thus summoned Allah's Judgment day (one of them)

Yes, I wouldn’t say people are always accepting and understanding. Nevertheless, I find that with obvious stimming, when paired with the right attitude and a lot of self-confidence, I start to care less what others think. An added benefit to this is that they seem to start to care less about what I am doing as they get to know me better. Sometimes understanding takes time. But surely 100% of experiences will not be good ones.

 

[lunarious]

The purpose is definetly not to "Care less".

If I am good and fight a non-controlled angry person. He wins if we do fight. i was Defenestrated because i didn't fight.

I need one shot.

Wheither they mentalize or not, or do something or nor, or say something or not - they owe me my life that got wasted...

I don't know. They don't care like you say.

 

[Rodafina]

@lunarious,
I understand. You have not had a good experience and I know it can be very difficult sometimes.

 

[lunarious]

No, it's easy and fun.

But/However/And Allah says: The Human do not get what he/she wish

Swords kill. Swords also make order. ... i'll ask my mom. Now soon.

 

[lunarious]

Right.

My mom says everything has an end. Inshallah happy ending for everyone.

 

[MNAus]

Yes, I wouldn’t say people are always accepting and understanding. Nevertheless, I find that with obvious stimming, when paired with the right attitude and a lot of self-confidence, I start to care less what others think. An added benefit to this is that they seem to start to care less about what I am doing as they get to know me better. Sometimes understanding takes time. But surely 100% of experiences will not be good ones.

I think it varies depending on what people expect of you based on outward appearance. I think I'd be laughed out the place if i got a toy out and started playing. I'm not bothered about what people think, but I need to get along so I can earn money, etc. That said I can't prevent some stims: toes tapping in shoes, rubbing fingers, etc

 

[Rodafina]

I think it varies depending on what people expect of you based on outward appearance. I think I'd be laughed out the place if i got a toy out and started playing. I'm not bothered about what people think, but I need to get along so I can earn money, etc.

Yes, I understand what you mean. I think I am blessed with a great deal of obliviousness and that can be helpful to what we are talking about. Also, I am in the mental health and social services field, so I think my professional group is more forgiving than most on this sort of thing.

Although, I might argue that "fidget toys" can be rather unnoticeable things - paper clips, pens, rings. But sure, fidgeting in any way that is obvious can certainly disrupt a specific image that one may be trying to portray.

 

[jsilver256]

My therapist explained stimming as a form of emotional catharsis. The emotions have to go somewhere.

He did suggest something interesting. He said that with most of his autistic clients, a large part of his focus is on manging verbal outbursts, also a form of emotional catharsis. I don't speak, ergo, where does it go - twice as much stimming. So a lot of sessions have been around redirected stimming.

I have a sturdy chain necklace that i carry with me with a couple of pendants. I fidget with it in public because it's better than flapping my hands.

If you don't feel the need to stim, maybe it means the emotional regulation component is somewhere else.