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i have a boyfriend that my mom doesn't know of.

Jacob S

Jacob S

New Member
ok so my mom doesn't think I'm ready for dating and never will but I know I am I've tried everything I can think of I've talked to her I typed up a letter I just don't know what to do or how to make her see I'm ready for this. Its killing me and my bf that we cant be together I Really need some help. its almost bean 3 weeks since I last saw him and I just don't know what else to do. I'm tired of being alone
 
one technique to defuse opposition is to involve the opposing party, rather than 'making someone understand'

rather than focus on what you want to achieve, focus on what it is that you feel, no parent wants their child to feel alone, maybe tell her that that is what you feel, maybe tell your mom that it isn't impossible because you are actually doing it, maybe tell her that you want her to be a part of your life and don't want to do things behind her back, maybe tell her that you would appreciate her guidance (mothers always love giving advice), giving a parent the illusion of control sometimes helps, maybe tell her that you understand that this and future relationships may go wrong, that you accept this price, but always want to be able to turn to her to talk about it

i'm not an expert, or know your home situation, but that are my thoughts
 
I actually disagree with telling your mom right now. If she doesn't want you to be with someone, she is going to be overprotective. Sometimes, the best way for you is to learn on your own. Even if it's the hard way. All she going to do is say you're not ready instead of giving you tips to improve yourself so that you are ready. I think the best you can do is do the best you can in building up your school credentials, driving ability if applicable, job prospects, and/or social circles. Do these things on your own. Eventually, plan to move out to an apartment if you can. Instead of asking her for her dating approval, just show her. Just start dating on your own, and also start doing all these other things to make yourself more independent. More independence makes you more attractive to more people in case the one you are with does not work out.

You don't need to tell your mom anything until you and the other person are getting real serious since she is not supportive. Be prepared that she still won't approve, be prepared to stand your ground politely but firmly, and look for alternative places to live as a backup just in case if you can. Leave the place, even for just a day at a time, if you must, but always give her a chance to offer her opinion and ask her to give specific examples of what you can improve on so that you can choose to be your own person that much more. If she's working with you, work with her. If she doesn't understand how to, it may be best to leave for a day and then come back the next day. Leaving is a way to show her your stance. Eventually, you can't do this forever. As long as she wiling to let you coexist, you don't have to permanently leave. All things to consider.
 
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