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I hate grocery stores.

LittleLemon

Well-Known Member
I didn't know where to post this as this is just a rant.

Yesterday, I went to Trader Joe's. It was a Saturday. I should've thought about that more closely. I walked in and regretted it immediately. I hate grocery stores. The lights, sounds, people, and overwhelming choices don't go over well with me. Add 3 kids, and it's a disaster. This time, I went alone, so I thought I could do it.

I'm pushing my cart and this woman is coming in another direction from the left. We both stop. I wait for her to go (I ALWAYS let people go. I don't like to be in people's way). She didn't. So I politely said, "excuse me" and quickly went around her so she could go on her way. I then hear the bitterest and harshest voice say, 'do you drive like that too?' I stopped, looked back in shock, and she didn't look back. I immediately start shaking and I felt the hot tears spill. I hadn't cried in a grocery store in a few years. It's embarrassing. I attempted to approach her a few times, but I was shaking too hard and I'm consoling myself thinking that if I had, I probably wouldn't have got the words out and she would've walked away with another hurtful remark, and I would've felt worse. I'm also thinking, 'hey! I'm actually a really good driver!' I'm a rule follower and very observant and I don't miss much. It felt ridiculous that I also wanted to defend my driving record. I'm probably a better driver than her!

The cashier asked what was wrong, and then the stupid tears started again. She said it was probably the election making people rude. That's a poor excuse. Anyway, the kind cashier walked me out and gave me a free bouquet of flowers.

I hate being sensitive and wish I could get over it. Unfortunately, the way my brain works, I'm going to remember this the rest of my life and I'm angry at her even more for that. What is wrong with me??
 
Theres nothing wrong with you.

I get really overwhelmed in busy supermarkets/shops.... More than once I've left a whole trolley of stuff and just walked out because I couldn't cope x
 
I hate being sensitive and wish I could get over it. Unfortunately, the way my brain works, I'm going to remember this the rest of my life and I'm angry at her even more for that. What is wrong with me??

Nothing from my perspective. Our brains are hard-wired differently from theirs. The toughest part being that in their case they likely have no clue, and even if they do are probably indifferent about such things. Where it is YOU who is expected to conform to THEIR social protocols because they exist in a profound social and neurological majority.

For us it can be an ordeal just to negotiate all the sensory input in such circumstances. For them it's, "Huh? Sensory input? It's just a store! What's YOUR problem?"

You aren't alone. This would or does rattle most if not all of us. I've encountered something similar about a year ago in a Walmart. People were laughing at me because I didn't say something to get a store employee to move. I just waited patiently and the NTs apparently didn't like it. I'm just not prone to speak to total strangers unless it's absolutely necessary. Not to mention that living in relative social isolation I can go for days without uttering a word. Where it can be difficult to speak momentarily even if I need to. My bad!

Anyways LittleLemon, we get you.
 
Nothing from my perspective. Our brains are hard-wired differently from theirs. The toughest part being that in their case they likely have no clue, and even if they do are probably indifferent about such things. Where it is YOU who is expected to conform to THEIR social protocols because they exist in a profound social and neurological majority.

For us it can be an ordeal just to negotiate all the sensory input in such circumstances. For them it's, "Huh? Sensory input? It's just a store! What's YOUR problem?"

You aren't alone. This would or does rattle most if not all of us. I've encountered something similar about a year ago in a Walmart. People were laughing at me because I didn't say something to get a store employee to move. I just waited patiently and the NTs apparently didn't like it. I'm just not prone to speak to total strangers unless it's absolutely necessary. Not to mention that living in relative social isolation I can go for days without uttering a word. Where it can be difficult to speak momentarily even if I need to. My bad!

Anyways LittleLemon, we get you.

THANK YOU!!! I was worried that even in this forum this would be seen as a gross overreaction on my part.

There are just no obvious rules for me in stores, so I always feel like I'm acting a bit odd trying to get around others. People look at me strangely, but I'm used to that. No one usually says anything. If this woman really wanted to apply driving rules, it was an intersection-like situation and I was the person on the right, so I had right of way.

The Walmart situation that you describes is also something that is familiar to me. I also usually just wait, but no one's ever laughed at me. I'm sorry that happened! If they don't move, I turn around and go in the other direction to avoid saying anything.
 
Nothing from my perspective. Our brains are hard-wired differently from theirs. The toughest part being that in their case they likely have no clue, and even if they do are probably indifferent about such things. Where it is YOU who is expected to conform to THEIR social protocols because they exist in a profound social and neurological majority.

For us it can be an ordeal just to negotiate all the sensory input in such circumstances. For them it's, "Huh? Sensory input? It's just a store! What's YOUR problem?"

You aren't alone. This would or does rattle most if not all of us. I've encountered something similar about a year ago in a Walmart. People were laughing at me because I didn't say something to get a store employee to move. I just waited patiently and the NTs apparently didn't like it. I'm just not prone to speak to total strangers unless it's absolutely necessary. Not to mention that living in relative social isolation I can go for days without uttering a word. Where it can be difficult to speak momentarily even if I need to. My bad!

Anyways LittleLemon, we get you.

That in bold - I do that too.... I'll just wait til they notice and move, or I'll turnn round and go the other way instead.
 
What a scumbag. So what did she want you to do? Just stand there for hours until she decided to move? If so, she probably would have done the same as you did!

I can relate to this so much. As many people here know, I work in a grocery store as a bagger. Part of my job is taking stuff back to the shelves when customers decide against buying it, and I'm in the same situation you described above very often. But so far, for all the rude comments I've gotten, none of them have been for going around customers. If I did get one like that, well... crap would go down. *cracks knuckles*

I read once that if you look intently over the shoulder of someone you're passing on the side you want to pass, they'll let you pass there. You can try that. I need to remember it more often myself when I'm at work.
 
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THANK YOU!!! I was worried that even in this forum this would be seen as a gross overreaction on my part.

There are just no obvious rules for me in stores, so I always feel like I'm acting a bit odd trying to get around others. People look at me strangely, but I'm used to that. No one usually says anything. If this woman really wanted to apply driving rules, it was an intersection-like situation and I was the person on the right, so I had right of way.

The Walmart situation that you describes is also something that is familiar to me. I also usually just wait, but no one's ever laughed at me. I'm sorry that happened! If they don't move, I turn around and go in the other direction to avoid saying anything.

I still get a bit angry thinking about such situations. But I have ways of attenuating such emotions and keeping them in check. To remain disciplined and accept the possibility of rudeness of others as long as no one attempts to approach me with a perceived intent of committing a felony on my person.
 
Do all of the shopping and encounter people on a regular basis who I assume from experience will grunt and act much like neanderthals. No politeness, little in the way of any sort of polite veneer, no personal space requirements.

It's so rare to actually encounter anyone who doesn't act like a animal that I'm pleasantly surprised when someone excuses themselves or acts in a polite manner.

Was in a store yesterday reaching out to pull a box from a shelf, when someone actually grabbed it from my hand. Startled, I left the store. Don't even know who the person was, I had been alone in that area for ten minutes. Didn't even turn to confront them. Simply left as this is usual and has happened before. It didn't make me cry, it made me angry that people are so inconsiderate.
 
Was in a store yesterday reaching out to pull a box from a shelf, when someone actually grabbed it from my hand.
 

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I will purposely try to go to the grocery store, or any typically crowded store during "off peak" times such as right before they close just so I can avoid the crowds and lines because I can't stand them either. I hate having to ask a stranger to let me pass through, and waiting on those long lines just gets me really agitated and impatient. If I have company with me, the line waiting is a little easier but I often go shopping by myself so I have to try and just deal with it unfortunately. I also get extremely sensitive when strangers are rude to me and of course I often don't think of something good to say back till after they're out of sight.
 
I hate supermarkets, and try to avoid them, especially on benefit pay days - because it's usually swarming with old age pensioners who walk slowly in the middle of the aisle, and obese single parents, who take up the entire aisle! or people who leave their trolley across the aisle! I am generally patient, but after having to deal with overcrowding and inconsiderate people, I don't cope well at all.

P.S. I'd just like to note here that the cashier asked how you were and gave you free flowers!!!!!!:D

Dwell on that instead.
 
I find going into any kind of store almost unbearable. If I must go I go early so there are fewer people. I really hate shopping for clothes the spaces in between the rack are to small and there always people in the way, and I am freighted to say anything to them. Once I was in the men's clothing section of a department store when these women who were looking through the men's clothes started saying rude things about me and giving me dirty looks, like I am not supposed to be there. It was not as though I were looking at women's underpants, I was looking for a new pair of trousers. I stood in a corner for ten minutes until the women left.
 
I wish people here in the states and take an example from the Japanese way of life, minding ones own business and not worrying about others. I have had rude comments made to me before. But I am unable to process fast enough to come back with something worth saying or to tell them off. I get those words several minutes later if not an hour or two. Then its to late and I am just even more upset with myself an will sit there and have a breakdown at home over the whole thing that wasn't even my fault usually. So I feel for you. Mike
 
P.S. I'd just like to note here that the cashier asked how you were and gave you free flowers!!!!!!:D

Dwell on that instead.

She was the hero of my day--her and my husband who hugged me and told me the world is full of mean people.
 
I wish people here in the states and take an example from the Japanese way of life, minding ones own business and not worrying about others. I have had rude comments made to me before. But I am unable to process fast enough to come back with something worth saying or to tell them off. I get those words several minutes later if not an hour or two. Then its to late and I am just even more upset with myself an will sit there and have a breakdown at home over the whole thing that wasn't even my fault usually. So I feel for you. Mike

That's exactly my experience with the customer harassment. I hate not knowing what to say and feeling like I'm letting them get away with it. They leave the store still thinking it's okay to do that. But I want to seriously humiliate them. I want to make them feel how I feel when they're rude to me, the subsequent breakdown and all.
 
That's exactly my experience with the customer harassment. I hate not knowing what to say and feeling like I'm letting them get away with it. They leave the store still thinking it's okay to do that. But I want to seriously humiliate them. I want to make them feel how I feel when they're rude to me, the subsequent breakdown and all.

I know. The frustration when you just can't reply fast enough in real-time. But then with customers I think they are banking on the reality that you won't reply because of fear of being fired.

It's a very cruel social and business dynamic. As if customers think they earned the right to abuse people.
 
I know. The frustration when you just can't reply fast enough in real-time. But then with customers I think they are banking on the reality that you won't reply because of fear of being fired.

It's a very cruel social and business dynamic. As if customers think they earned the right to abuse people.

To quote a tweet I read: Bullying someone whose job means they can't fight back makes you a mewling coward.

Anyway, being a bagger and having talked to one of the managers about the whole thing, I have full permission and rights to walk away whenever I please. (Though so far it's only been from registers when the customer's kid was staring at me.)
 
That's exactly my experience with the customer harassment. I hate not knowing what to say and feeling like I'm letting them get away with it. They leave the store still thinking it's okay to do that. But I want to seriously humiliate them. I want to make them feel how I feel when they're rude to me, the subsequent breakdown and all.

^^^^ This!!! Absolutely! I so wanted to go up to this woman and do the same thing. I felt like she got away with it or maybe even took pleasure in humiliating me. Problem is, I've never been intentionally rude to anyone in my life and I couldn't even bring myself to do it then. Then there's the other issue of getting the words out, so that wouldn't have gone over well. As I was driving away (very well, if I may add), I must have thought up about 20 different replies ranging from overly kind to overly rude.
 
as much as I would love to tell those rude people where to go, I know it is better not to respond to their rudeness. They only harm themselves with their boorish behavior. I want to maintain a good character, if I do that I am better then them.
 
as much as I would love to tell those rude people where to go, I know it is better not to respond to their rudeness. They only harm themselves with their boorish behavior. I want to maintain a good character, if I do that I am better then them.

Good point. Someone must be the adult in the room. ;)
 

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