I get no respect for things I'm an expert in with my family

[Thumrait]

I'm just kinda venting here.

My family has always thought I'm an idiot, and can't do anything.
I've spent the last 18 years working for the federal government as a pollution investigator, an environmental law enforcement officer. I go over laws, I write up legal paperwork, and I punish people for not following them. Legal paperwork things are exactly what I do every day.

Over the years my Mom has written powers of attorney saying that her boyfriend and my sister can do things for her, I can't do anything. Her boyfriend is a mechanic, my sister is a cartographer (she makes maps). It's always bothered me because I know more about all of this than either of them, but whatever, it's her decision.
My Mom now has very advanced Alzheimer's and is about to move into a home, and now all of this paperwork stuff is starting to come up. Her boyfriend has apparently been doing everything up until now, and my sister has just signed whatever paperwork is handed to her and not paid any attention to it.
My sister is calling me every day to complain about what's going on, because now she wants to be in control of everything and write out the boyfriend, and they're arguing all the time. The boyfriend won't talk to me about any of this (you know, because my Mom has told him I'm an idiot all of these years).
So every day my sister calls me up and complains about the issue of the day. I tell her what I would do, which is the correct way to deal with it, she tells me I'm wrong and then just does what she wants to do anyway...

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I'm really sorry for you, but if a person in sound mind gave someone the power of attorney or an executor, that's legally binding. In your line of work, you know that.

If I became incapacitated I would only name specific relatives to get control over my fate or my finances. It is not that I like one person over another. A trust is at its base, about trust. Perhaps mom was closer with the sister? Perhaps it's about primogeniture? Is she older than you?

The boyfriend, if mother put that in her will, then the boyfriend does have executive power. They really should have gotten married. It would have made this all much smoother for everyone.

Perhaps in the interim, let your sister know that if she's not going to take your advice, that you will stop giving it.

And go visit your mama. She's in the latter stages of alzheimers? Oh that's heart breaking. If you can't help her financially or legally, at least be there next to her.


(I do not have a living will of any kind, but this kind of thing makes it clear that we all need one.)

 

[Outdated]

So every day my sister calls me up and complains about the issue of the day. I tell her what I would do, which is the correct way to deal with it, she tells me I'm wrong and then just does what she wants to do anyway...

Personally I think you should be happy that your mother chose them and not you and that you should try to distance yourself a bit and leave them to it. I watched my mother go through all of this with her siblings and it wrecked her emotionally, in the end she gave up and left them to it for the sake of her own mental health and the situation splintered her entire family.

 

[Thumrait]

I'm really sorry for you, but if a person in sound mind gave someone the power of attorney or an executor, that's legally binding. In your line of work, you know that.

If I became incapacitated I would only name specific relatives to get control over my fate or my finances. It is not that I like one person over another. A trust is at its base, about trust. Perhaps mom was closer with the sister? Perhaps it's about primogeniture? Is she older than you?

The boyfriend, if mother put that in her will, then the boyfriend does have executive power. They really should have gotten married. It would have made this all much smoother for everyone.

Perhaps in the interim, let your sister know that if she's not going to take your advice, that you will stop giving it.

And go visit your mama. She's in the latter stages of alzheimers? Oh that's heart breaking. If you can't help her financially or legally, at least be there next to her.


(I do not have a living will of any kind, but this kind of thing makes it clear that we all need one.)

Nope, I'm two years older.

You know what, you're correct. This is a living will, my mother has written down what she wants, and all I need to do is follow it. Her wishes were....for me to give no input, because she does not want me to make any decisions.
This actually makes things much easier for me. All I need to do is sit on the sidelines and let my sister and the boyfriend fight it out. That's what my mother wanted.

I was originally looking at this from a practical point of view. If you want someone to make legal decisions for you, wouldn't you choose the one member of the family with actual legal training? But I look at things logically, most people don't do that.