I dont think there anything "wrong" with me.

[chuckintime]

Since learning of my aspergers I have put considerable thought into a course of action. Like how to attack this "syndrome" to make myself better. But I have come to realize that I don't believe there is anything wrong with me per se. I think having aspergers just means im a little different than the average guy. But really whats "wrong" with me. So i don't get caught up in all the social drama going on. That's almost a blessing now that i think about it. Anybody else have any thoughts on this? i would like to hear some other points of view.

 

[Ste11aeres]

The more I have come to see of other Aspies, the more I have come to agree with you. Since learning about Aspergers, I have come to like my own personality better.I am somewhat unusual, but I think I have a fascinating powerful-intellect-inspired personality with a sometimes hidden but real tenderness. As for the other Aspies I have known? Some of them were just awesome, and I wouldn't want to change them for the world.
Your quote from Merton sums it up.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

I agree. There really isn't anything wrong with me and I like myself and my personality. I think that I'm a great friend and I care about all my friends and I really, really don't like dealing with drama and all that jazz.

Makes me wonder how the world would look like if people had the various little things that those with Autism and Aspergers have.

 

[chuckintime]

I agree. There really isn't anything wrong with me and I like myself and my personality. I think that I'm a great friend and I care about all my friends and I really, really don't like dealing with drama and all that jazz.

Makes me wonder how the world would look like if people had the various little things that those with Autism and Aspergers have.

I think there would be a lot less violence and a lot more progress. Everything they do gets muddied up with all the social ******** that really means nothing to whats really important.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I think the diversity of personalities in the world is wonderful. It is unfortunate that sometimes we ("we"means people in general) don't get along with people of different personalities.

 

[Drake Marino]

I strongly admire your outlook on this syndrome, and overall I agree with you. I don't think there's anything wrong with me either, because I owe my superior intelligence and above average citizenship to my Asperger's, because it's pretty difficult to act up when you're naturally introverted, right? I would actually love being an Aspie if it didn't cause me to have such a hard time socializing.

 

[Axeman52]

I think i've never really felt like there was anything wrong with me, except a few months ago when i said to my close friend that i was a bit concerned about the way i feel such little emotional attachment to most people and i tend to drift away from my groups of friends when i'm no longer in the situation where i see them regularly due to being at the same school/college/university. Then i started reading about aspergers syndrome for some reason and not only did it make sense of that particular thing that was concerning me, it brought up other issues that i'd never even really thought about very much because i had just accepted them as normal and assumed everyone was like that and was just better at hiding it than i was.

 

[Judge]

I've been made to feel as if there was something "wrong" with me for more than half a century by a Neurotypical world I didn't understand on so many levels. It's been a somewhat painful existence in the meantime.

Only now I'm beginning to grasp that the only thing "wrong" was to assume as such. I am different. I accept this. But wrong?

I'm reminded of how the DSM considered homosexuality "deviant" behavior before 1973. And yet after 1973 that has taken 40 years for a "majority of the majority" to come to terms that they are different, and not "wrong". Does the same dynamic apply in our case? I suspect it does.

Are we truly a "disorder", or simply a social minority?

 

[chuckintime]

I agree. the only thing "wrong" that I see is that NT's in general have yet to accept our behaviour, most of the issues arise from the way they perceive our actions, it truly isn't our actions that are the problem. I would say In most cases, because there are some behaviours that I feel are somewhat negative. But every NT I know has some behaviours that they have that are negative. Because we do things differently there must be something wrong, But I don't really see it that way.

 

[Aspieistj]

The biggest sin we commit is that we are different. I wish I could ship all NTs to Siberia! They wouldn't like Siberian huskies very much though because these wonderful dogs are very independent, think for themselves, and choose to do only that which makes sense to them.

 

[erk70]

In my opinion there's never any wrong with a person...

...although sometimes the interaction with other people can go wrong (okay, most of the time it goes wrong, even between NTs -- see Wiios laws of communication), but then it's the responsibility of both parties.

One person can't communicate, after all.

I've understood Aspies are unevenly gifted, making us geniuses in some cases and... for a lack of a better word... idiots in other.

I know I am very good at computers and math... but I had to have an explanation for where dust came from before I would even consider dusting... why would I pick up someone else's dirt?

So, I've understood that I have strong sides and weak sides... and that I have to put some energy into the weak sides... well there's where I have the most potential for improvement!

If I would just stop and say I'm perfect as I was (which in fact I am, but my relations to other people are not) I would feel that I had no reason to change or improve... and that would be a bit depressing...

Maybe it's the ADHD in me speaking ... (I have both ADHD and Asperger... and the ADHD part seems to thrive on change... while the Asperger part find it unsettling*... oh well )...

---
* Word joke (I can't live without them): Unsettling, said the settler who had to move...

 

[chuckintime]

So, I've understood that I have strong sides and weak sides... and that I have to put some energy into the weak sides... well there's where I have the most potential for improvement.

That's so very simple yet so very deep. I would have never thought of it like that in a million years, but put that way makes so much sense to be putting in all this effort to change the weak stuff. If all you ever do is what your good at, then you must be missing out on something.

 

[Banquo]

I don't think there is anything 'wrong with me', however there are things that make life tough. That is because the world is generally geared up to people who are different to me.

People, including I think for the most part Aspies, want to belong and I often see this lack of belonging as a recurring theme in people's struggles. For a long time I had a perception of us and them and this I now think was the thing that was the most 'wrong ' with me. There are many facets of an individual that make them different to others, colour, religion and gender to name a few. The people that treat me badly due to my nature probably treat people from these differing backgrounds badly too, it is not because they are neurotypical it is because they are unpleasant, intolerant people.

Once I realised that I also realised that actually often for a person to 'belong' they only require a few common points with the overall group. I now feel I belong to a number of different groups, my links are not profound and I will never been seen near the centre, but I belong. This in turn has helped me be happier with being me. Maybe there is something wrong with me...but I don't care any more.

 

[erk70]

That's so very simple yet so very deep. I would have never thought of it like that in a million years, but put that way makes so much sense to be putting in all this effort to change the weak stuff. If all you ever do is what your good at, then you must be missing out on something.

Or as some people like to say: don't fix it if it aint broken

 

[total-recoil]

Well, this may make me a tiny bit unpopular but actually as an aspie I do think there is something wrong with me but it's very hard to tie it all together. For example, my emotions and the empathy situation. I have a really kind heart but, for some reason, I don't connect with the feelings you would normally express, say after a death or something like that. I am so wrapped up in my thoughts and activities, nothing seems to matter except my goals. It's as if my brain is disconnected somehow so all the emotional, social side is kind of dead. Even my own family seem to me as strangers and I can't seem to hold onto any friends (just like dogs). So, I've had to ask myself very matter-of-fact what's going on with me. I mean, do we want to be disconnected to such an extent that all the kindness and hugs and sympathy and sharing normal people do is just shelved? Don't get me wrong. I can show empathy and if I see someone on the street injured I help and call an ambulance or something same as anyone else and I can also listen to peoples' problems. However, I'm still very remote and out of synch and really have no idea how to interact as a normal person.
I once had this incident when someone came up to me and ranted and raved, saying he figured I didn't care about anyone or share any sense of "community" or whatever and I think now it was like a scene out of Star Trek with Bones yelling at Spock. The truth is I'm not popular and really have no idea how others must see me but probably cold and spaced out.
Then there are the tantrums I have which aren't normal. They are harmless but probably sound scary because I tend to vocalise a lot as if talking to someone else. Also sometimes I struggle over facial recognition as has been mentioned before and that isn't normal, I suppose.
However, lately I have come up with a theory as the truth is I've wrestled over these ideas of normality/aspies. NT's and searched as many articles as possible on psychology. You will note there is a spectrum ofaspies who believe we are a kind of leap in evolutionary development and others who believe we are autistic with higher or normal intelligence. I guess I have come up with a Third Way between these concepts but suffice it to say I do think there are things not right with me to put it bluntly. And that leads me to the main question as to whether it's possible to take the good points of aspergers and then somehow iron out the bad stuff (some psychologists try to do this although I'm highly skeptical I could ever appear to be N.T. unless I become a brilliant actor.

Since learning of my aspergers I have put considerable thought into a course of action. Like how to attack this "syndrome" to make myself better. But I have come to realize that I don't believe there is anything wrong with me per se. I think having aspergers just means im a little different than the average guy. But really whats "wrong" with me. So i don't get caught up in all the social drama going on. That's almost a blessing now that i think about it. Anybody else have any thoughts on this? i would like to hear some other points of view.

 

[Banquo]

Well, this may make me a tiny bit unpopular .

I hope not. You have rightly pointed out some nuances that are common in many Aspies, but everyone has behaviors that other people struggle to accept or sometimes understand. That doesn't mean that there is something 'wrong' with them.

if I see someone on the street injured I help and call an ambulance or something same as anyone else and I can also listen to peoples' problem.

You have shown you are a good citizen and your post shows you care about how you are perceived. I think things are 'wrong' when you harm others through your actions and don't care.

I'm highly skeptical I could ever appear to be N.T. unless I become a brilliant actor.

You shouldn't need too. Even if there is something wrong, you shouldn't have to be anyone other than yourself. That is not to say you cannot work to mitigate your issues just don't worry about being yourself.

 

[erk70]

Well, this may make me a tiny bit unpopular but actually as an aspie I do think there is something wrong with me

In my experience I'm sometimes tasked to be the one saying the unpleasant truths... however, I'm with you, in part...

A lot of Aspies have problems. Because we're different. Most of these problems exists in the interaction with other people.

I had a thought, if only everyone on this planet could be Aspies, but I've since then realized that Aspies do have communication problems, even with each other's, and having an understanding NT around could be very important to an Aspie.

In my experience it's a question of prioritizing. I have ADHD as well as Asperger, and I've learned not to mention every association or thought that comes up when I speak to people... in fact, if I did, I'd be taking over the conversation 100%... which would not work at all.

This is an example of how you might have to suppress some of your "sides" in order to increase the potential for communication and coexistence with others. But it doesn't mean that side is wrong... only wrong for that given situation...

Another problem an Aspie might have in a conversation is they don't know what to talk about, or talk only about what interests them. Whenever that happens to me, I try to take a step back and figure out something interesting about the person I'm talking to or what they're talking about. Since my natural disposition is to talk about what interests me and nothing else, giving a few moments focus on the other person and what interests them wont be a problem. Just tie the conversation to a personally important situation.

If someone goes on about their orchids, tell them you'd love to get some flowers because you've heard it's good for the indoor air, or when they talk about their dog, tell them your family had one when you were a kid but you're allergic, however it would be fun to have some kind of pet (not a snake though!) and so on ...

You can learn to ACT more normal without having to change your personality (I bet only drugs can do that... and ... don't do drugs!)

On the other hand, observe NT's, they do a lot of things that aren't right for the situation as well... nobody's perfect!

This does, however, not mean that you should be the only one changing... in fact, if you're around people that refuse to adjust their style of interaction because you're not "doing it right" I'd say they have a problem just as big as yours... perhaps they're Aspies too? (I mean, with all that rigidity...) Most people, however, are pretty open to some strain to understand other people. People love to communicate!

I'm highly skeptical I could ever appear to be N.T. unless I become a brilliant actor.

In fact, I heard somewhere that a number of actors could in fact be Aspies.

In order to understand other people they've had to be social detectives and use "science" to figure out the whole social situation... attending acting school might have been a tool for these people to figure other people out and given that they had no "normal" to fall back on, understanding people in this "scientific" way became necessary to these people.

Once they did understand, they did it in a way that was non intuitive, so applying this knowledge to play other people became very easy... they became so good at it that they're great actors today.

I've spent some time acting in my youth and I think this has helped me a lot.

On the other hand, why is it so bad to appear something that's not completely you?

People do play roles and change their ways of being... trust me, when a person is alone they act different than from when they're with their kids, or with their boss or with their mom (I have a friend who switches to a broad dialect when he speaks to his parents on the phone!)

People also act differently depending on the situation... compare your colleagues at work and at the after work pub. You'll notice differences, sometimes big, sometimes small.

When I studied psychology there was one theory that we don't have a personality, but that what's "us" is actually a mesh of all our relations to other people.

I am not sure that's right but I do know that people change a lot depending on who they are around... I guess you could call it "acting" but I think it's done as a courtesy and a way to ease coexistence...

 

[myk384]

There is nothing wrong especially we are unique in our own way. Think of it, we have extensive knowledge on several interests and excel well but getting in an awkward situation on making friends or in several social instances. But, "normal" people have face problems which makes it nothing special. As with other people, there is a room for improvement even though we commit the same mistake several times. I do face that but open for criticisms.

 

[TaumaRN]

It may sound strange but I am quite happy to be diagnosed with AS. My son was diagnosed around age three, pretty early for an Aspergers diagnosis but it was a correct one we believe. I was diagnosed myself two or three weeks ago but my family and I have known for longer that I likely had Aspergers. I have taught my children that being different is okay the "the new cool is weird." My daughter who is nine has told me that the weird people are the ones who don't realize they are weird like everyone else. Weird May not be a very good word to use but one I have been called by family, friends, and non-friends until this day. It has been used with a variety of intentions but has always been met with the same response, "I know." I like who I am and hope all of you do too. Surround yourself by understanding people if you can. I personally am an open book so people can like me or not for who I truly am. You have it right on! There is nothing wrong with you and you seem to be of strong character. That is great. I have had discussions with my son, who is nine, about his AS obsessions and behavior. We spoke about his obsessions and mine and how they can change. That is when I explained that someday one of his obsessions may lead to him inventing "Sebastian-soft." Microsoft won't have a chance!

 

[total-recoil]

Hmmmm, not so sure I'm in agreement with some of this. Let's take a look at the situation as a whole:
The term "autism" isn't applied to us because we are backward or lack intellect. On the contrary, percentage wise we are brighter and smarter than N.T.'s. Most of us have either normal or superior intellect.
The term "autism" refers to our difficulties in non verbal communication, being able to function at optimum level in a group, relate to other people and expression of empathy and so on. The list goes on. I mean, I've known exceptionally bright people in my time who can relate to other people, group situations and so on but we aspies have major problems with this latter.
Again, speaking personally, I don't think it would be a mistake to confess I developed intellectually at a far greater pace than socially and emotionally. In some ways, this has been a big advantage (as it is for many others) since N.T.'s are far more prone than we are to be brought down by environment. My proof of that is you will notice that in some countries where deep religious convictions are the norm, everybody shares the same way of thinking. Aspies aren't group animals so are nowhere near as prone to being swayed by the majority mindset.
Still, I think even if I'd been in a very developed, educated society, I would still have problems in how I relate to people as a whole. I'd still misread all the social cues, act kind of strange, dominate conversations and be seemingly unconcerned over collective emotional issues.
Of course, I didn't ever conclude I specifically had aspergers. I'm convinced my overall slowness at school (I was slow learning to read and ride a bike) points to HFA. The difference is aspies tend to be bright from the onset whereas those of us with HFA do have these initial difficulties in schooling.
Again, speaking personally, I really view myself as a kind of Michael Jackson figure. I'm bright and creative but I haven't a clue how to behave "normally" and I have a childish, non serious social pattern whereby I tend to just barge my way into things and not follow any social convention.
On a final note, I do agree with you all that "autism" is a term we need to use very carefully because, yes, I agree a lot of N.T.'s are kind of autistic in their own way. What I mean by that is Michael Jackson once pointed out that people said he was weird for having a pet chimp and wearing a mask but to him what was really weird was stuff like fighting wars over political differences, oil and religion.
If that makes any sense.

There is nothing wrong especially we are unique in our own way. Think of it, we have extensive knowledge on several interests and excel well but getting in an awkward situation on making friends or in several social instances. But, "normal" people have face problems which makes it nothing special. As with other people, there is a room for improvement even though we commit the same mistake several times. I do face that but open for criticisms.