I am worried about one of my friends and I don't know how to support her.

[Metalhead]

Frankly, she is in a codependent relationship with a parasite who only takes and demands more, and she is also codependent with this person's circle of parasitic buddies.

She is making many of the same mistakes I was making when I was her age, and it hurts me to see this and know she is worth so much more than what she is giving herself credit for.

I can tell her to set boundaries until I am blue in the face, but I can't force her to set boundaries. I can't change anybody but myself.

I want to help her, but I don't know how at this point.

 

[Coxhere]

Frankly, she is in a codependent relationship with a parasite who only takes and demands more, and she is also codependent with this person's circle of parasitic buddies.

She is making many of the same mistakes I was making when I was her age, and it hurts me to see this and know she is worth so much more than what she is giving herself credit for.

I can tell her to set boundaries until I am blue in the face, but I can't force her to set boundaries. I can't change anybody but myself.

I want to help her, but I don't know how at this point.

My son came home from high school one afternoon saying, "I didn't know that I am smart." I responded, "Son, I've told you many times that you are smart and that I am proud of you." Something happened that day at school and he was able to internalize for himself the notion that he was smart. I hadn't any idea what it was that happened, but I knew that it wasn't something that I'd said or done. I was just a parent. I guess his conclusion about being smart had something to do with his school environment and probably with his peers.

I think this is what will happen with your friend, Metalhead. You can help all you want but SHE has to do something to help herself. And, as you said, "I can't change anybody but myself." You don't know, but it's quite possible that her observing your life change for the better can assist her in seeing her own life needing to change for the better as well.

 

[Rodafina]

It sounds like you let her know that you are concerned and that you care. Not much more you can do if she does not want to change.

One thing that comes to mind is to make sure that you are setting healthy boundaries with her yourself. People in codependent romantic relationships can sometimes transfer that to friends and other loved ones.

 

[RemyZee]

Frankly, she is in a codependent relationship with a parasite who only takes and demands more, and she is also codependent with this person's circle of parasitic buddies.

She is making many of the same mistakes I was making when I was her age, and it hurts me to see this and know she is worth so much more than what she is giving herself credit for.

I can tell her to set boundaries until I am blue in the face, but I can't force her to set boundaries. I can't change anybody but myself.

I want to help her, but I don't know how at this point.

People decide to change things in their lives on their own timeframe. It sounds like you are a good friend, and she knows you will be there when she decides to try something different.

 

[Coxhere]

People decide to change things in their lives on their own timeframe. It sounds like you are a good friend, and she knows you will be there when she decides to try something different.

 

[Coxhere]

It's very difficult to try to do things to make situations better and more positive when, in fact, doing things are outside of one's control. Remember John Milton's famous quote from his poem, On His Blindness: "They also serve who only stand and wait."

 

[JayCee]

Love the John Milton quote...! And am thinking if you wish to be of help to her, you might vonsider,Just being an ear for her. For whenever,she may need to talk.. Important not yo insert an opinion, just practice being an ear..No matter how much you might widh to fix or Advise. And practise your ability to just listen perhaps .