Hugs!! From my female friend twice already.

[Tony Ramirez]

BTW the hour long prayer was a glitch in the stupid system that should have never taken, I was never registered. It was meant for only one person. I was wondering why I never got a confirmation email and why she seemed confused.

But what ticked me off was how the pastor during the service kept going off on how to group up with people during your prayer hour contradicting himself. I hate it when people do that. They been doing that my entire pathetic life. I fell for it and got deceived so many times.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

What a bunch of crap. Hugs were a ploy to screw with my emotions. When she texted me back saying that she did not want anything not even a friendship to even hang out and to just be "church friends" meaning just to talk after service for a few minutes then say goodbye I now know her true intentions. Once again I put my trust in someone and I get betrayed.

I wish I never signed up for the hour long prayer at 5 am with her. I could have signed up with the British woman who just came back from Florida who I approached at the coffee hour at church last year, is my age group and also single. Stupid but it's too late.

I’m so sorry, Tony.

There’s always other women you could befriend and talk to. They can be hurtful, but you found a woman to hang out with for a bit and you got hugs from her.

Baby steps, man. You are capable of more than you give yourself credit for.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

There’s always other women you could befriend and talk to.

What that say two words to me then walk away. Or if they actually talk to me they are in a relationship. Or the ones that are my female friends only hang out with me in groups. The only ones that actually hang out with me solo are married or single are men which I am getting pretty sick and tired of.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

What that say two words to me then walk away. Or if they actually talk to me they are in a relationship. Or the ones that are my female friends only hang out with me in groups. The only ones that actually hang out with me solo are married or single are men which I am getting pretty sick and tired of.

Well, what do you want? Do you want just something platonic? If so, it’s not the worst thing if they are in a relationship or hanging out in groups, is it?

I can’t guarantee you’ll get what you want if you put yourself out there, but I can practically guarantee you won’t if you don’t.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Well, what do you want? Do you want just something platonic? If so, it’s not the worst thing if they are in a relationship or hanging out in groups, is it?

I can’t guarantee you’ll get what you want if you put yourself out there, but I can practically guarantee you won’t if you don’t.

Your right. I got to count my blessings. I do love hanging out with my friends in groups and even eating out with my married male friend and the other male friend to talk at the park is enjoyable.

It just I don't like how this girl gave me false hope with her leading me on with hugs, smiles and kind words making me think the friendship is platonic then straight out telling me in a text that we are basically just acquaintances and nothing more ever on a really bad week made things even worse.

 

[jsilver256]

Did you ask her out on some outing (platonically)?

 

[MNAus]

Your right. I got to count my blessings. I do love hanging out with my friends in groups and even eating out with my married male friend and the other male friend to talk at the park is enjoyable.

It just I don't like how this girl gave me false hope with her leading me on with hugs, smiles and kind words making me think the friendship is platonic then straight out telling me in a text that we are basically just acquaintances and nothing more ever on a really bad week made things even worse.

I can see how that feels like it's leading you on, but it might just be that she's actively avoiding doing that. Perhaps she got the impression that you'd read hugs, smiles and kind words as about being MORE than friends. If so she may have thought it better not to give you that impression and lead you on in that way. I think people with autism can quite quickly switch from disinterested to very interested (for everything, not just relationships). I think NTs can get the wrong end of the stick when that happens. But I doubt they'd like the explanation much either: "don't let my interest affect your ego, last month it was geology."

 

[BewilderedPerson]

Your right. I got to count my blessings. I do love hanging out with my friends in groups and even eating out with my married male friend and the other male friend to talk at the park is enjoyable.

It just I don't like how this girl gave me false hope with her leading me on with hugs, smiles and kind words making me think the friendship is platonic then straight out telling me in a text that we are basically just acquaintances and nothing more ever on a really bad week made things even worse.

Yep I know that feeling all too well and feeling misled not long ago myself. It hurts and I feel for you, but every woman is different. I don’t know a whole lot about you, but I’m sure you’ve got good qualities about you that a woman would appreciate - platonic or otherwise.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Did you ask her out on some outing (platonically)?

Yes unintentionally and it was rained out. Also meeting up for prayer at 5 am which ended up being an computer error as I was not even suppose to register on her spot, it is a private prayer session. I know that did it. This is all new too me.

 

[jsilver256]

Yes unintentionally and it was rained out. Also meeting up for prayer at 5 am which ended up being an computer error as I was not even suppose to register on her spot, it is a private prayer session. I know that did it. This is all new too me.

I don't know if it makes you feel better, but a lot of women keep to the general rule to never be alone with a man unless a family member or in an explicitly romantic context. So for a lot of women a platonic friendship may involve hugs, or texting, but would never include activities with each other alone.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I don't know if it makes you feel better, but a lot of women keep to the general rule to never be alone with a man unless a family member or in an explicitly romantic context. So for a lot of women a platonic friendship may involve hugs, or texting, but would never include activities with each other alone.

Thanks. I am learning a lot from this forum not from the crap from YouTube, Instagram, Reddit, websites written from women and men claiming to know what other women know.

Also she still texts me kind words after I told her I was autistic. That I over share and I am over friendly and can't help it sometimes but I am going to therapy and support here. She even said I am her friend. That she will always be patient and understanding. She is not mad or upset at me.

Edit: Also my therapist who is a women also knows more than these so called women online and she even said many of the things you all said here.

 

[jsilver256]

Tony, it sounds like she cares for you a lot, and considers you a friend, in a true platonic way.

Maybe you can talk this incident over with your therapist, and develop mechanisms to prevent misunderstandings next time. I am sorry you had to endure so much pain this week.

 

[Hypnalis]

It just I don't like how this girl gave me false hope with her leading me on with hugs, smiles and kind words making me think the friendship is platonic then straight out telling me in a text that we are basically just acquaintances and nothing more ever on a really bad week made things even worse.

@Tony Ramirez
A "platonic friendship" is one that will never have a romantic aspect.
From that your I'm not sure if you're unhappy that it's an acquaintanceship rather than a friendship, or if you negotiated used the word "platonic", and you hoped for something else.

If you've been trying to turn a negotiated platonic relationship into a romantic one, it's not likely to be stable in the long term.

If is was a misunderstanding, it may not be too late to recover from it.

But first you need to lose the resentment. Again. Permanently this time.

YouTube, Instagram, Reddit, websites written from women and men claiming to know what other women know

I didn't realize you've been using sites like that or I would have warned you against them. They're less useful than modelling your like on a soap opera (which was an old definition of a completely worthless source of life advice

The vast majority of the relationship information on Reddit, YouTube, web advice sites, etc is effectively disinformation. After being exposed to it you know less than you did before.

There is accurate information out there of course, but:
* It's lost among the lies, so finding it isn't easy
* You need to know many/most of the answers in order to be able to separate the good material from the trash

This is just one of those annoying things about knowledge - sometimes you need the skill before you can gain it yourself. This is why teachers are sometimes necessary, rather than just efficient.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. I am never taking relationship advice from online sources again. I will listen here. From real women and men I know. As I said I never experienced this in my life so this is all new to me.