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How would you calm down when feeling criticized as "having attitudes"?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by BlueSky Aozora, Apr 7, 2021.

  1. FIVER

    FIVER Well-Known Member

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    Well, after working in low level positions in corporations, I have observed what gets people in trouble. You have to learn the office politics and not step on other peoples territory.
    My husband would say, it's all in the delivery. If certain people are saying that you are having attitudes, then becareful of how you choose your words. Instead of saying this is wrong, then you would say, I think this would make things better. It takes practice, as I tend to spit it out unfiltered as well. I no longer work in corporations, so I don't have to worry about that anymore.
     
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  2. The Pandector

    The Pandector Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    *sigh* How true.
     
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  3. BlueSky Aozora

    BlueSky Aozora Well-Known Member

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    Thank you everyone, I think I get your points, very interesting and helped me understand more. As per the advice, I will try to be more careful, to read the context/surrounding's mood, to add some layers before stating my main point, also about tone, and the genuine feeling of wanting to help/contribute, and to not let my rational thinking about efficiency to get too in the way, as to not hurt the feelings of the people involved.

    However, I'm concerned that usually people will think that we merely follow a script, we can't process beyond that, and that we don't really get it like how they get it. But that's another point. I feel a bit downer if it's true that I can't get it how they get it, but it's ok, hopefully people will not get hurt with my actions/words/inaction; we can only try our best.

    And yes, try to be careful to not get in the way in the office politics.. scary stuff. I was just thinking of how the system can be more efficient, that I didn't realize I've stepped into the office politics..

    Actually I was having difficulty to sleep because thinking about this problem, and when I checked this thread, my heart feel so touched by your kindness, then managed to sleep well.

    Love the people here, you always think seriously together with the people who start the threads. I think if I were to brought the issue I shared here, probably nobody will take me seriously, or worse I might be assumed as having attitudes again:p - I mean the issues seem like too trivial to be discussed out there.

    I'm very grateful for this forum. Thank you again for taking this seriously together with me.
     
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  4. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    We are what we are ,don't like masks,also there's little self help info for our neurology
     
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  5. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you know in your heart that you are treating people with respect, and someone is responding in a way that hurts you, perhaps the problem lies with them.
    On the other hand, if someone feels upset with something you say, and you reflect back and feel that you would also have been upset if the shoe was on the other foot (sometimes this takes time in Aspie world) then it is fine to tell that person.
    Here is the personal bill of rights, I hope it helps, as we cannot always tell if it someone or ourselves who is out of line. This is not a criticism.
    I accidentally offend, and am happy to put things right, also I feel offended at times, and it takes me time to realise that I was spoken to/treated in an unfair way.
     
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