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How to reconcile male and female perspective on creepiness

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Polchinski

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When I google. "why do women find you creepy", I find that most males write "whoever is ugly or unattractive is deemed that way" while most females say "its not looks its behavior". Now, since the question is why do women feel certain way, then logically women are the ones who should know the answer. So if women say "its not about looks" then its not. Yet, at the same time, if there was no pattern, then men wouldn't have observed said pattern. Yet men seem to observe it. So where does it come from? In other words, the question is: if women don't "consciously" think of looks, where does look-related correlation, observed by men, come from? I would like to hear some theories, both from male and female members.
 
Some people will say it's their looks, rather than examine their behavior. It's a way of avoiding character flaws, misdirecting anger, and seeking pity. And this is the kind of behavior which will turn people away.
 
Some people will say it's their looks, rather than examine their behavior. It's a way of avoiding character flaws, misdirecting anger, and seeking pity. And this is the kind of behavior which will turn people away.

But if you go here Why Women Call You Creepy and read replies by TonyBologna25, MrOracle, and AlexanderBrunnrgaard, you will find that those three guys said they are attractive ones and, accordingly, were never labled creeps, yet they saw unattractive guys being labeled that way. So that seems to be more objective since self-pity is not a factor. Yet they still say its looks -- because they are males. Hence the question in OP.
 
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You don't reconcile them at all. Too subjective in accordance with individual opinions and perspectives. Which may be from wildly accurate to just plain wrong. Exacerbated in a world where many of the alleged standards for appearance and behavior are more grounded in economic profit than any common sense of aesthetics and decency. When the reality is that we all have varying ideas of what constitutes "chemistry" between one person and another.

Which admittedly can be and often is maddening. But still part of the human condition. Where some women really do want that "bad boy" while others will say, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
 
Could it have something to do with women being more vulnerable? So behaviour is more important for a woman, because a man behaving odd or unusual could be a threat. Maybe he's a psycho, who knows.

When I was talking about "male perspective on creepiness", I wasn't referring to "men finding women creepy". Instead I was referring to "male interpretation of a situation where a woman finds a man creepy".
 
You don't reconcile them at all. Too subjective in accordance with individual opinions and perspectives. Which may be from wildly accurate to just plain wrong. In a world where many of the alleged standards for appearance and behavior are more grounded in economic profit than any common sense of aesthetics.

If you want to appeal to men or women the answer is simple. "BUY THIS!" :rolleyes:

Yeah thats another question: why do people judge each other by how you dress? If they are working for a certain company that sells certain clothes, then yes they have vested interest in doing so, since it would promote their product. But since vast majority of people are not selling products, why do they do it?

When the reality is that we all have varying ideas of what constitutes "chemistry" between one person and another.

How does this sentence fit together with what you just said a sentence earlier about buying things?
 
How does this sentence fit together with what you just said a sentence earlier about buying things?
Whether a product is actually sold is one thing. How its advertising impacts the psyche of entire nation is quite another. Producing subconscious impressions of standards of attractiveness that few can measure up to.

I can think of any number of women who can't afford the most expensive cosmetics. Yet they all gravitate towards standards of attractiveness put forth by those same manufacturers. No matter what economic strata they may be in.

People can have all kinds of variables when it comes to what they deem attractive. But the pervasive nature of advertising cannot be ignored in the equation as well. Not a consideration of one or the other, but both.
 
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Producing subconscious impressions of standards of attractiveness that few can measure up to.

The word "attractiveness" mentioned in "creepiness" context is the question right there. Because "creepy" means a threat. Why would someone who is simply unattractive be perceived as a threat? Whats the connection?

I mean I do realize that "being perceived as unattractive without being perceived as creepy" wont solve things since you would still be single. But we have two separate problems here. One is being perceived as unattractive, the other is being perceived as creepy. The question is: why does the former often lead to the latter? Having two problems as a package deal is clearly worse than having just the former one.
 
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The word "attractiveness" mentioned in "creepiness" context is the question right there. Because "creepy" means a threat. Why would someone who is simply unattractive be perceived as a threat? Whats the connection?

I mean I do realize that "not being perceived as creepy yet still being perceived as unattractive" wont solve things since you would still be single. But we have two separate problems here. One is being perceived as unattractive, the other is being perceived as creepy. The question is: why does the former often lead to the latter? Having two problems as a package deal is clearly worse than having just the former one.
Attractiveness, creepiness, fear and tangible threats. All terms that can be expressed in degrees. You appear to be looking for some kind of absolute standards in all of these when there aren't any. Except those being hawked in the media for profit.

So I see no purpose in arguing the semantics of such things. Wanting concise answers to concise questions is all fine and well, but you have to accept that some questions may ultimately have few if any answers. And that you also have to accept the notion of "different strokes for different folks". That there's not much in the way of uniformity when it comes to human behavior. Where creepy to some is attractive to others.
 
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Attractiveness, creepiness, fear and tangible threats. All terms that can be expressed in degrees. You appear to be looking for some kind of absolute standards in all of these when there aren't any.

Absolute or not: attractiveness and safety are two separate parameters. Why are they entangled?
 
Absolute or not: attractiveness and safety are two separate parameters. Why are they entangled?
Just walk up to an attractive woman on the back of a burly "One Percenter's" motorcyle and ask her what she's doing there. A total contradiction, and yet such a classic example. There's your answer. ;)
 
Some people will say it's their looks, rather than examine their behavior. It's a way of avoiding character flaws, misdirecting anger, and seeking pity. And this is the kind of behavior which will turn people away.
I'd say men are good at deflecting from their character and behavior. Look at the Incel movement. When desperately lonely I was clueless and some of the lies I told myself led to body image issues. But happily, I recognized my negativity and worked to be positive daily, enjoying the most common of interactions. From that I noticed more women seeing me, and then that gave me the confidence to start dating. My goal was to treat the women who I dated, well, regardless of other feelings I had towards them. So, I believe that yes, women pay attention to behavior when they are shopping for a relationship. But feelings and behavior are complex things and I think women sometimes want a connection with a hot guy, just because; even though I was never that hot guy.
 
Hollywood stereotypes didn't help either. Going back a long ways in time.


Actor Vincent Schiavelli also made a tidy living on film, largely based on his face and not his attitude. Yet the women in his orbit...oh my. And he had other marketable talents. Cool dude.


Then again Vincent Price's lead role in "House Of Wax" probably didn't endear burn victims either. Or Charles Laughton and Anthony Quinn, who both played "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Now that I think of it, there are many titles in such a genre of disfigured men and women made to seem less human than they were.

Except perhaps John Hurt as "The Elephant Man". Depicting a horribly disfigured and mistreated man with such a kind heart.
 
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So do men who look ugly tend to behave in more creepy way? If so, why?
I think you are asking about the double standard that exist...."hot attractive guy" ask female out with the same line sentences, behavior nets a date....same situation "ugly guy" and nets "he was creepy" and no date.

So the correlation between "creepy" and "ugly" in this context is a synonym to some women.

I dont know where this conversation/question is going. Its all subjective to ones interpretation.

If you goal is to be creepy then compliment womens elbow skin or back of knee skin...then follow up with if she likes bath and body works lotion.
 
Can weird be substituted for creepy.

If we do that, that would also lead to a question. Because then women would find guys "weird" because they are not attracted to them. But what is so "weird" about not being attractive? The only way it can be "weird" is if each woman is attracted to 99% of men, which is clearly not the case.

On a different note, even if you do substitute one word for the other, fact remains: the other word was still used. So then the question is: why would weird be creepy? Weird means different. Creepy means threatening. So why would someone different be more likely to act in threatening way?

So yeah, putting it together, it would sound pretty absurd. It would sound like "a girl is attracted to 99% of men, so this one guy in the crowd is different BECAUSE he is the only one around she isn't attracted to; people who are different are likely to act unsafe, so she better watch out for him".
 
Remeber that people are different. To some a guy may be creepy but others may find that same guy to be funny or something. There's no straight forward simple answer to your question, it depends on several things. Sometimes weird is creepy, sometimes it isn't. Weird can just be weird, it's not the same as creepy.

Whether someone is attractive or not "can" be subjective. Different people are attracted to different things. But whether someone is creepy or not is more objective: does that person have intentions to sexually harass someone? Thats a yes or no question isn't it. Saying its subjective is a corollary to lumping attractiveness and creepiness together, which is the exact thing I was asking about in OP.
 
On a different note, even if you do substitute one word for the other, fact remains: the other word was still used. So then the question is: why would weird be creepy? Weird means different. Creepy means threatening. So why would someone different be more likely to act in threatening way?
Depends entirely on individual situations.

Like the attractive woman who is intrigued by a One Percenter. Not necessarily for his (less-than-charming) looks, but his stature and threat potential for real danger that may excite some women. In a sub-culture where things can suddenly go terribly wrong for them in an instant. They know it, and yet they live with it. Part of the thrill factor.

Perhaps the ultimate in hooking up with a "bad boy". Creepy, attractive in ways beyond looks, and above all quite threatening. People who may be prepared to beat you to death just for looking them in the eye. Yet definitely not for every woman. But yeah, some eat it up like candy.

That's the connection between creepy and threatening as a kind of an attraction. And in certain sub-cultures like this one, it is quite deliberate to appear menacing towards any and all outsiders of an MC (Motorcycle Club).

Do I pretend to understand such women this may appeal to? LOL....no. Only that I observe such behavior.
 
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