Hello,
Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with asperger, ADHD and nervous tics.
Needless to say the strain on my family-tie with my mother had been difficult to handle during the years (I got the diagnos at 41 years of age).
After I finally got the diagnose, slowly but shurely our relationship began improving.
As I have been doing intense psychotherapy, there have been some significant improvements in my life and I am steadily moving away from my neurological chaos, slowly...but...shurely...
My mother, even thoiugh she has been understanding and happy about my process, has showed difficulties in changing her own old patterns towards me, she hasn? been able to adjust to our new reality, so to say.
This led to a discussion the last time I was at her home, and I got quite upset due to the fact that she obviously preferred to just go on in her old patterns than try to adjust to my improvement.
At one part I finally got through to my mother and she began listening.
I explaned to her that she could benefit greatly from NOT argue as normal people tend to do, that is, mixing things up and get emotional.
I told her that we?d better leave the emotions out of the conversation and DON?T mix up things but rather brake things down and discuss them separately.
When I managed to make her understand this and I explaned things about me, her own patterns, she finally just stopped and listened.
I spoke extensively and once I?d finished she tyold me: you are right in everything you hasve said.
This was a HUGHE breakthrough for us both.
Our relationship has improved inmensely after this chat.
The problem is, how do I reach out to my friends?
Now, I would like to ask the people at this forum how they have done to make their friends get a better understanding of their asperger-reality.
The reason for this is because I have two friends, one of which just don?t seem to understand thata I have any serious problems (as I am able to hide them very well, at this stage of my life).
We all know that aspies tend to have a hughe imbalance in our caracter.
Being the social and emotional part the downside, while the narrow interest for something that interests us being (for some) a hughe advantage.
My narrow interests are naturopathy, history of medicine and politically incorrect history.
Well, this female friend just can?t seem to understand that I have reached very profound knowledge in certain areas DUE to me being a aspie and it seems to annoy her that I speak without being modest about my own knowledge about these things.
I sent her some e-mail trying to explain to her how the mind of an aspie use to work and that it would be wise just to accept, that there might be few people if any, that can be more knowledgeable and analytic when speaking about certain topics than aspies.
This isn?t necesarilly always the case, but I do believe it is for many, especially if these persons have a good academic education and a high IQ (as is my case).
My other firend, how just don?t seem to "get it" knpes me very well.
The problem with him is that he seems to have difficulties (just as mu mother had) to adjust to the fact that out from the chaos comes a new Adam, so to say.
This new and improved "version" of me, means that the mental chaos I suffered from is slowly going away, making place for a improved state of mind, so to say.
He is the Kind of person who is used to be the smartest one, if so to say, and the fact that my thoughts are in a more ordered state, in some weird way, looks as if kind of "threatens" his position.
It?s really absurd but this is the conclusion I have reached and I am a EXTREMELY observant person so I don?t have no doubt what so ever that this is the case.
Simply put, his ego doesn?t like my improved self, even though he as a person does.
My question is how the people on this forum have dealt with similar situations.
this seems to be a very difficult thing to straighten out.
How do I make a person understand what asperger is about and how my mind works if he, without any problem, speaks about the bad side of my neurological problems, being, at the same time, totally blind, when I try to explain to him that there is a analytical side to the story. A side that, perhaps should be very much appreciated, instead of, as being the case, totally ignored by him?
This situation is putting an unease strain on our friendship and I really would like some advise.
Thanks.
Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with asperger, ADHD and nervous tics.
Needless to say the strain on my family-tie with my mother had been difficult to handle during the years (I got the diagnos at 41 years of age).
After I finally got the diagnose, slowly but shurely our relationship began improving.
As I have been doing intense psychotherapy, there have been some significant improvements in my life and I am steadily moving away from my neurological chaos, slowly...but...shurely...
My mother, even thoiugh she has been understanding and happy about my process, has showed difficulties in changing her own old patterns towards me, she hasn? been able to adjust to our new reality, so to say.
This led to a discussion the last time I was at her home, and I got quite upset due to the fact that she obviously preferred to just go on in her old patterns than try to adjust to my improvement.
At one part I finally got through to my mother and she began listening.
I explaned to her that she could benefit greatly from NOT argue as normal people tend to do, that is, mixing things up and get emotional.
I told her that we?d better leave the emotions out of the conversation and DON?T mix up things but rather brake things down and discuss them separately.
When I managed to make her understand this and I explaned things about me, her own patterns, she finally just stopped and listened.
I spoke extensively and once I?d finished she tyold me: you are right in everything you hasve said.
This was a HUGHE breakthrough for us both.
Our relationship has improved inmensely after this chat.
The problem is, how do I reach out to my friends?
Now, I would like to ask the people at this forum how they have done to make their friends get a better understanding of their asperger-reality.
The reason for this is because I have two friends, one of which just don?t seem to understand thata I have any serious problems (as I am able to hide them very well, at this stage of my life).
We all know that aspies tend to have a hughe imbalance in our caracter.
Being the social and emotional part the downside, while the narrow interest for something that interests us being (for some) a hughe advantage.
My narrow interests are naturopathy, history of medicine and politically incorrect history.
Well, this female friend just can?t seem to understand that I have reached very profound knowledge in certain areas DUE to me being a aspie and it seems to annoy her that I speak without being modest about my own knowledge about these things.
I sent her some e-mail trying to explain to her how the mind of an aspie use to work and that it would be wise just to accept, that there might be few people if any, that can be more knowledgeable and analytic when speaking about certain topics than aspies.
This isn?t necesarilly always the case, but I do believe it is for many, especially if these persons have a good academic education and a high IQ (as is my case).
My other firend, how just don?t seem to "get it" knpes me very well.
The problem with him is that he seems to have difficulties (just as mu mother had) to adjust to the fact that out from the chaos comes a new Adam, so to say.
This new and improved "version" of me, means that the mental chaos I suffered from is slowly going away, making place for a improved state of mind, so to say.
He is the Kind of person who is used to be the smartest one, if so to say, and the fact that my thoughts are in a more ordered state, in some weird way, looks as if kind of "threatens" his position.
It?s really absurd but this is the conclusion I have reached and I am a EXTREMELY observant person so I don?t have no doubt what so ever that this is the case.
Simply put, his ego doesn?t like my improved self, even though he as a person does.
My question is how the people on this forum have dealt with similar situations.
this seems to be a very difficult thing to straighten out.
How do I make a person understand what asperger is about and how my mind works if he, without any problem, speaks about the bad side of my neurological problems, being, at the same time, totally blind, when I try to explain to him that there is a analytical side to the story. A side that, perhaps should be very much appreciated, instead of, as being the case, totally ignored by him?
This situation is putting an unease strain on our friendship and I really would like some advise.
Thanks.
