How to get rid of a pretend friend?

[manca]

I've talked about her before... I found her online when I was looking for help with horses. She came about 20 times in 3 months. After that she was gone for 2 months. She explained why she couldn't come in May and said she has one week holidays in start of June and will come then. She didn't. I only saw her posts on facebook about going to sea, reading, hiking with her dog, etc. She made contact last week after all that time and came again. She was late for an hour. Then when we were done with horses, she wouldn't go home.

It was already hard to be friends, like she was often late for 10 or 20 minutes, and I get very anxious because of that. My tummy hurts from nervousness. She was messing up my plans and routine. She also kept going on about the same things, her divorsion, always complaining about her life. It was tiring for me, I didn't want to listen about her problems, that's not why she was here. But I managed through it anyway, trying to be sympathetic.

I don't want her to come again.
I lend her some literature about horses to read, and I needed it. Asked her to send me the citate on fb, told her exactly where it was and she responded she can't find it. I'm 100% sure it is where I told her. She said she'll bring me the magazine next time. That's too late.

My mom keep saying I need friends (and that girl is the only one), and not to get rid off her, but she is not a friend. I don't like her, she only brings bad things.

Now the question is, how to get rid off her? Do you say anything? What, how?

 

[Ste11aeres]

I agree, she doesn't sound like a real friend.
If this was a question of getting rid of someone who really liked you, who was really attached to you (and in a case like that, one would need a real reason to end it) you would have to talk to the person.
But in this case, I don't think she's attached to you or really cares about you (if she was she would have kept in contact during those months). So the way to end it is just to avoid contacting her, not answer the phone if it's her, not respond to fb messages.
Of course, it would still be hard to get the literature back.

 

[manca]

I think literature won't be returned to me anyway... Not talking won't be that hard to do

 

[Peace]

I agree with Ste11aeres. I always advocate being as polite as possible, but also limiting your contact. I personally would not have a problem just telling that person that I was not getting a lot out of the friendship, and so I would not be putting much in. No hard feelings of course, just mechanics. I am very unusual that way though (I have Aspergers), and would not expect that from most people.
I think the important thing here is that what you described does not sound like a friendship. We can no more control a relationship than we can the weather.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

I'm an expert at getting rid of these people. Don't keep in contact with her and ignore her attempts to contact you. If she makes an appointment, don't keep it. Voicing opposing opinions about something she is really passionate about, even if that is not your personal opinion, often works to drive people away too.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm an expert at getting rid of these people. Don't keep in contact with her and ignore her attempts to contact you. If she makes an appointment, don't keep it. Voicing opposing opinions about something she is really passionate about, even if that is not your personal opinion, often works to drive people away too.

This is correct, but there are times when voicing opposing opinions (when you genuinely disagree) can be used in the opposite way, that is, to make a friendship stronger...because sometimes contradiction (done in a nice manner) can make things more interesting and bring people closer. (It's a way to get out of the friend zone with a guy.)
In other cases, contradiction can prolong conflict, and be a reason for the other person to keep contacting you
The most effective way is always no contact.

(But as I said, if this were a case where the person really cared about you, you would have to talk to her. But I don't think that's the case with this girl).

 

[paloftoon]

Since she won't keep her appointments except off her own whim possibly, don't agree to anymore of her appointments. If she asks why or you want to say something else, you can tell her something like that you are the type of person where following through on appointments (excluding extenuating circumstances) and reciprocation are important to you. Since your mom is concerned about your connections and survival, I wouldn't totally shut communication down with this person. I however, would not put yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable. Like try to invite her to public events you plan on being at regardless if she's there or not, and then she can possibly rebuild the friendship from there. So rather than totally out her, just make things conditional constantly in a way that will only favor you at a bare minimum whether she shows or not. You can tell her that this is how I have fun! If she pushes to ask you why you are avoiding appointments at certain locations and such, you can tell her that trust and reciprocation are important to you and keep it at that.

It's up to you, but I would personally avoid the not keeping appointments. I know a lot of people do it anyway, but with our personality types, it will easier to minimize provoking people as it can be much harder for us especially to deal with the consequences of some nut-case who doesn't take the "provoking" very well.