How to become better at being a woman?

[apolloidolsice]

That is mostly the autism.

Says who?
By definition,

• a tomboy is a girl who likes to do traditionally boyish things,
• a girly-girl likes to do traditionally girlish things &
• a tomgirl (like my wife, daughters, mom & sister) is somewhere in the middle.

In casting, there are also equivalent male archetypes,

• the he-man,
• the metro &
• the gallant.

Yes, but it also has a look. Feminine and mother-like bodies (big breasts, butt, hips, etc) are inherently saying "I'm readier to have a baby much more than skinnier women's bodies do. And motherhood and pregnancy are inherently feminine and if your body is literally showing you want that more means, for decency's sake at least, shouldn't dress in a way that makes you look like a lesbo.

 

[Crossbreed]

Yes, but it also has a look. Feminine and mother-like bodies (big breasts, butt, hips, etc) are inherently saying "I'm readier to have a baby much more than skinnier women's bodies do. And motherhood and pregnancy are inherently feminine and if your body is literally showing you want that more means, for decency's sake at least, shouldn't dress in a way that makes you look like a lesbo.

1. Your body shape has no bearing on your archetype.
2. Tomboys (& tomgirls) still get married and have babies. Giving birth makes one a little more maternal, from a hormonal standpoint.

If dad is present (as he should be), he will become more paternal, too. It is a natural, biological response to those helpless little creatures. (You become addicted to them by the time they become teenagers!

)

 

[MildredHubble]

Yes, but it also has a look. Feminine and mother-like bodies (big breasts, butt, hips, etc) are inherently saying "I'm readier to have a baby much more than skinnier women's bodies do. And motherhood and pregnancy are inherently feminine and if your body is literally showing you want that more means, for decency's sake at least, shouldn't dress in a way that makes you look like a lesbo.

So is that the look you are wanting to project? Curvy? Like maybe Marilyn Monroe?

 

[apolloidolsice]

So is that the look you are wanting to project? Curvy? Like maybe Marilyn Monroe?

i am that, and i don't really want to be but since my parents wouldn't accept me being ftm i have to be

 

[MildredHubble]

i am that, and i don't really want to be but since my parents wouldn't accept me being ftm i have to be

I see. Would you prefer to be more towards the Tomboy/girl archetype? That's kinda the way I see myself on the inside and I miss being able to project that like I could a few years ago. To be honest I'm hoping that I can regain my slender body type again as this time I'm going to lean into it a bit more! You only live once right!?

I know some people might wince a bit at the feeling I have that I need to be slim to do this but that's how it feels. It's not that I think women have to be slim, it's more than having extra weight enhances my masculine features. But being slim does "feminise" how I look. I often had people genuinely confused as to which gender I was and that was without makeup, just slightly purple tinted dyed long hair, flannel shirt, t-shirt and skinny jeans! I have to confess, I enjoyed that

 

[Crossbreed]

...my parents wouldn't accept me being ftm i have to be...

So, do you want to become

a better woman (per the title of your thread) or​

a better man (per your last post)...?

FYI, being a tomboy does not make you a man (or even ftm). It is a female archetype.
And it it has certain appeal to certain types of men.

 

[apolloidolsice]

So, do you want to become

a better woman (per the title of your thread) or​

a better man (per your last post)...?

FYI, being a tomboy does not make you a man (or even ftm). It is a female archetype.
And it it has certain appeal to certain types of men.

I want to be accepted by society, so my true feelings don't really matter.

 

[Crossbreed]

I want to be accepted by society, so my true feelings don't really matter.

That is why this thread is at an impasse.
I believe that embracing your womanhood is the the healthier choice, but until that becomes your heartfelt objective, you will always be conflicted.

 

[Aspychata]

Think l understand you comments better. You don't feel unaccepted based on how you currently present yourself? Like maybe a tomboyish look but watered down?

 

[MildredHubble]

I want to be accepted by society, so my true feelings don't really matter.

Do you have a certain idea of what you feel would be a socially acceptable ideal of a woman? Could you describe what you feel it is?

It's just that in this thread, you are kinda seeing that there is no "one" definition as everyone has suggested different things. Most posts have been trying to figure out which you feel you want to be like. I don't think people have been trying to avoid giving you advice. But the responses are likely to be as diverse as women are.

Society is made up of individuals who have their own perceptions. So I think people are basically trying to better understand what you want and then you can do more of that and there will be plenty of people who will find whoever you are plenty acceptable.

You can't please everyone, so you may as well please yourself.

 

[Crossbreed]

As a gallant male, I have a collection of 105 Barbies which I make no apologies for (other than only sharing them with other like-minded collectors).

My wife likes my collection that includes both Edenic males & females.

 

[Darkkin]

From a social aspect, something to take into account is style, (actually having one). People make a lot of subconscious decisions based on what they see. And as much as we want to argue against it, list its vices, and say it doesn't matter, style plays a big part in other people's preceptions.

It is the difference between wearing something that fits well (correctly) and wearing something that will do simply because it covers things and/or is comfortable.

Something as simple as the cut of a t-shirt can have a big impact. Small changes, details in a basic t-shirt and jeans. There are major differences in fit between women's t-shirts and jeans and those designed for men.

I have pixie short hair and a small frame, but I love geeky t-shirts and jeans. The cut and fit of these two simple wardrobe staples is the difference between embracing the curves one has or being mistaken for a 12 year old boy when one wears a hoodie and jeans...

(A lady a the library once threatened to report me for truancy for ditching school at 10 am on a Thursday. At the time I had been out of high school for nearly five years and was working on my MFA. I was home for the week housesitting for my mom. Luckily the librarians knew me.)

 

[MildredHubble]

Something as simple as the cut of a t-shirt can have a big impact. Small changes, details in a basic t-shirt and jeans. There are major differences in fit between women's t-shirts and jeans and those designed for men.

This can also impact on how you perceive yourself and can be quite validating. This in turn can reinforce the way people perceive you. I hope this makes sense.

I have some women's t-shirts that I used to wear when I could fit into them. It's subtle, but things like this can be gender affirming I guess. So you feel right and you project that outwards. People pick up on it often positively.

I've kept the t-shirts. They aren't overly feminine in terms of the prints, just the cut. Basically shorter more slanted sleeves and more tailored around the middle. I fully intend to wear them again, this is my goal It may take time but I'm feeling determined

 

[Aspychata]

Great point, more tailored type clothes showing more feminine curves, softer colors, ruffles, puffy sleeves, lace, lace-up shirts, scarfs around the neck or tied around etc.

 

[Hypnalis]

@apolloidolsice

I suspect the biggest things you need to look at to achieve your goal(s) are related to your ASD.

We might come back to that, but first I have a recommendation: look at any youtube video by Sabine Hossenfelder.

Sabine Hossenfelder - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I'm not suggesting you should copy her appearance and style. nor that you should take on any specific appearance or style. I'm just trying you show that there are many options between "tomboy" and "girly-girl" (Girly girl - Wikipedia).

Sabine Hossenfelder is a genuine example of a strong successful woman - a very impressive human who is female (and probably has ASD).

Any video would do, but at the risk of a temporary information overload (two big topics at once) you could start with her ASD one (third on the list below).

Three possibilities (or you could just choose a topic that interests you - she has 300 videos up, and they're all good):

* Demonstrating that she isn't afraid to publicly criticize her fellow physicists:

* Debunking a short period of public BS about Cold Fusion (this one is rather funny as well as interesting and useful):

* ASD