How many of you have formed a bond with someone to the point you could call them a brother or sister?

[Zain]

I was wondering how this could happen and only concluded that you'd have to overcome something that seems near-impossible together. The situation would force you both to stick together or you'd both be ruined. We read in fiction and in myth about legendary brotherhoods forged by facing conflict together. But in all of these, there is a force that is considered as absolutely evil that is united against, fought and taken down. Such a thing doesn't really exist in our world anymore. So is it possible in our modern times to have such a strong relationship with someone?

Maybe man-made ideas, such as defeating a team in a sport as an underdog, can give such feeling, but it must pale in comparison to real life and death conflict, good vs evil.

 

[Rodafina]

How many of you have formed a bond with someone to the point you could call them a brother or sister?

Not me. To me, the concept is as fantastical as the myths and legends you mention. It's a nice idea, but not part of my reality. Forming such strong bonds with other humans is not my strong suit.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Zain]

Not me. To me, the concept is as fantastical as the myths and legends you mention. It's a nice idea, but not part of my reality. Forming such strong bonds with other humans is not my strong suit.

It’s not about whether it’s your strong suit if it’s unattainable for 99% of people due to us living in modern society. It would happen naturally with those your closest around you in our natural setting. Nowadays, people will avoid you for having one "wrong"/controversial opinion, even your closest family members. People have more allegiance to fake ideas over blood. A shame.

 

[Rodafina]

It’s not about whether it’s your strong suit if it’s unattainable for 99% of people due to us living in modern society.

I see what you are saying, and agree that modern society would definitely impact this - I can particularly see that in my own culture.

It would happen naturally with those your closest around you in our natural setting.

Maybe. But, this has not been my experience. I have been very fortunate to have had loving family and even a few friends present throughout my life and yet I have had to work really hard to attain a feeling of closeness. It's something that has troubled me always - there are good people there, but my sense of attachment to others doesn't seem to happen naturally. It can happen logically with some effort.

The structure of actual familial bonds helps me to feel close, but creating those with people who are not family has been difficult for me.

 

[mysterionz]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

Sending hugs

 

[Zain]

Yeah. A friend I met in high school. Apparently we looked so similar that people wouldn't believe we weren't brothers (even with different last names). We had a lot in common, so we started saying we were brothers because it was easier than denying it.

Neither of us knew we were autistic back then (1970s). We stayed in touch over the years, helping each other through financial and other difficulties. He got diagnosed way before I did, but never mentioned it. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was autistic.

He died a couple of weeks ago.

How has his death hit you?

I see what you are saying, and agree that modern society would definitely impact this - I can particularly see that in my own culture.


Maybe. But, this has not been my experience. I have been very fortunate to have had loving family and even a few friends present throughout my life and yet I have had to work really hard to attain a feeling of closeness. It's something that has troubled me always - there are good people there, but my sense of attachment to others doesn't seem to happen naturally. It can happen logically with some effort.

The structure of actual familial bonds helps me to feel close, but creating those with people who are not family has been difficult for me.

That's interesting. Why do you think that is? Is it possible there is something about them that is giving you the "ick" that's caused by modern society? Like, I get annoyed when my family members gossip about this or that or chat about football or the latest celeb gossip. Or, if not, why is it that your different? Assuming that they are closer with each other than you are with them.

 

[IXxTchxXI]

Nobody

I surrounded myself with toxic people who I wouldn't leave for fear of being alone so I put up with their horrid ways, it's part of my mental stuff

I've never had a "real" friend besides myself, and I've been working on being my own friend in the last... 8 months? I think?

Maybe one day I'll find a real friend but for now I'm learning to be happy with my own company

 

[Rodafina]

That's interesting. Why do you think that is? Is it possible there is something about them that is giving you the "ick" that's caused by modern society? Like, I get annoyed when my family members gossip about this or that or chat about football or the latest celeb gossip. Or, if not, why is it that your different? Assuming that they are closer with each other than you are with them.

I definitely have felt that “ick” you describe, and that can be part of it. I don’t fully understand it yet, but one thing I have deduced is that the ways in which my family show affection toward each other do not resonate with me. For example, sharing meals together, hugging, talking on the phone, spending time together in a group. They seem to be things that bring them joy and foster closeness. For me, these actions cause stress and fatigue. Their experiences with sensory and social overwhelm are absent, and this makes it more difficult for me to relate to them and easier to feel different than the group.

 

[velociraptor]

I was wondering how this could happen and only concluded that you'd have to overcome something that seems near-impossible together. The situation would force you both to stick together or you'd both be ruined.

I met a fellow photographer online in early 2001. We had both bought new digital cameras and we were both learning how to use them together. He was the parent of a five year old and myself a one year old. He was an NT and an extrovert, but he decided to adopt me and didn't let me avoid going on photo outings with him. After a while I looked forward to them. I lost him to cancer last spring and there is still a smoking crater in the part of my life he used to occupy. The emptiness is profound and I am still trying to deal with his loss. The only near impossible thing we confronted together was his cancer towards the end. It was impossible for him and I admit I worry it will be for me as well.

Sometimes you meet that person who matters and you don't realize how much until you no longer have them.

 

[Judge]

In my own case, it's difficult just to get beyond the term "brother or sister", given that we don't all have such positive bonds with our siblings. I suppose as a child I had a bond with my older brother. However that bond changed as we both became adults, and that in my brother's eyes I had more opportunities and advantages that promoted resentment and sibling rivalry. Though from my own eyes I made wiser "life decisions" than did my brother.

I've recently elected to become estranged with my brother given our neurological differences.

So I suppose over my lifetime, the only real "bond" I felt was in my own mother, who was the only person on the planet that unconditionally loved me throughout my life until her death in 2006.

Otherwise I also had a bond with my divorced girlfriend's young daughter (aged 4 to 7) as I ended up taking care of her as a parent, while my girlfriend struggled between trying to salvage a business and being a functional alcoholic. It's both an amazing thing when a child truly trusts you to take care of them, and equally a very tough responsibility. Especially when this little girl was terrified of her real father who had weekend custody of her. I did the best I could to make her life a little better.

Otherwise as an adult I've had a handful of friends I considered something beyond acquaintances, but they all ended pretty much when they relocated or left their jobs. They didn't reach out to me afterwards, yet neither did I try to reach out to them. They all just came and went, and it's difficult to use the word "bond" to describe such relationships. Even in the case of a few NT women friends who evolved into long-term romantic relationships.

Do we truly bond with anyone? Often I'm just not sure.

 

[Jumpinbare]

How has his death hit you?

The same way as losing my biological brother and my wife - just kind of numb.
I'm alexithemic. It may randomly hit me later, as it did with my wife.