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How easily do you express affection to family and friends?

Rob

Rob

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I realize this is a bit personal, but I found it very difficult to express love and affection toward family and friends in the past, but now it's easier for me to do so. It felt like struggling against a bag of heavy liquid pulling me down and pushing me back. It felt like a chore to do it. However, the feeling you get from doing so and getting the same in return is wonderful. ASD's can be very hard on a person's ability to express feelings and putting them in words.
 
Was a time when I scarcely thought about it. Now it seems unnatural, fake even.
 
Showing affection to my friends and family has always felt like a chore to me. It honestly kind of drains me sometimes. I almost feel like I need a whole day to prepare myself just to show affection for even a few hours if I'm planning on spending time with them. Otherwise my energy just feels low taking on such an emotional task. But I do agree that the return you get back from showing affection feels good. I just wish I didn't feel like it was such a chore. I do enjoy it at times to a certain degree, but overall it just feels like I'm too disconnected to feel the way I think I SHOULD feel about it.
 
I do it sometimes but I have to choose to do it; it is not a natural part of my typical expression. It is not hard for me to do it and I get good responses when I do. But it does not happen unless I make the conscious effort.
 
I was thinking to myself, 'nah, that doesn't worry me at all, I can show affection!', but then I realised that I do occasionally find it hard. Not so much the giving affection, I'm always snuggling up to my husband on the couch, or hugging my kids, but when I'm having a 'get out of my face' moment I just can't bear anyone getting too close. So I can express affection, but sometimes I can't receive it, if that makes sense.
 
This is a good question. I feel I express affection easily. However, I have come to learn that when I am expressing affection others do not always receive it as such.

It depends on the person too. My wife and mother I will voluntarily hug and kiss (at my initiation). Anyone else in my family, I have difficulty expressing affection in a physical way. I have no problem telling someone I love her. It is easy. You move your lips and use your voice box like to say anything else.

Beyond these things, I'm not really sure how to do it better than I do it.
 
I can and do, but sparingly.

Oh yeah...I have only two relatives I have occasional contact with and really no friends since I moved to another state.
 
I've always had a hard time showing affection to friends and family. There are certain people where it all comes easily, but there are also a lot of people that it's a struggle to be around because I have to try so hard to act normal and especially to show affection. Family reunions are the worst because you have to hug and talk to and love everybody and I've never been interested in it.
 
I sometimes hug, but not often. Certain people I feel comfortable with I hug. I just don't feel comfortable being touched sometimes. If someone it don't know well, it makes my skin crawl. Does anyone feel like this too? Is it normal feel comfortable with certain people, and others not?
 
Not an easy one for me to answer. When I was younger and less articulate I struggled to express myself clearly. Now I just feel like I've grown so apart from people that it's almost out of place.
 
I have never been any good at this, now I've mainly given up even trying. My friends know I wont call them, so they call occasionally and never make a fuss about it. They just 'get' that I don't function their way.
 
Seems I'm the odd one out here, I love my close family and friends (all two of them lol) to bits and give lots of hugs to whoever will have them. And they can hug me back anytime.

However, I don't like being touched (even if it's meant affectionately) by people outside this very close circle.

And yet, I can affectionately hug a complete stranger, e.g. if the other person is upset etc.

Go figure . . .
 
For close friends and family and I don't mind getting a hug. But I've gotten better at relaxing into a hug rather than tensing up right away from the touch. Of course if someone not so close to me then its shields up, LOL.
 
Marycv said:
I sometimes hug, but not often. Certain people I feel comfortable with I hug. I just don't feel comfortable being touched sometimes. If someone it don't know well, it makes my skin crawl. Does anyone feel like this too? Is it normal feel comfortable with certain people, and others not?
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I feel that way too. I do like to sometimes hug people that I love. They have to be "goodbye" or "hello" hugs though, or like in a special bonding situation, but I don´t like when, for example, I´m sitting next so someone and he (or she) puts he´s arm around me; that makes me feel very uncomfortable, even if it´s a close friend or family member. I guess I have to know that the hug is comming, besides sometimes I don´t know what to do.
 
Anon88 said:
Showing affection to my friends and family has always felt like a chore to me. It honestly kind of drains me sometimes. I almost feel like I need a whole day to prepare myself just to show affection for even a few hours if I'm planning on spending time with them. Otherwise my energy just feels low taking on such an emotional task. But I do agree that the return you get back from showing affection feels good. I just wish I didn't feel like it was such a chore. I do enjoy it at times to a certain degree, but overall it just feels like I'm too disconnected to feel the way I think I SHOULD feel about it.
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Yes. This exactly! It's so tiring, and at times I really just hate it.
 
I am 70 now and I call the shots. When I was a child and until all my relatives died, except my brother, I was FORCED to kiss everyone on the mouth. It made me disgusted. When I had my sons I never kissed them on the mouth because I thought it was unsanitary. I cuddled, hugged and loved them and felt very genuine. I never ate or drank from their dishes and they never ate or drank from mine--just a germ freak. My brother is still alive and I hug him and his wife, and love to hug my two sons. No grandchildren so I don't know what I might do if I had any. I kiss my pets all the time, but not on their mouths.
 
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