How Do You Deal with Judgmental People Who Don't Understand?

[AmyB8484]

How do you deal with people who don't understand and judge you? Also, do you ever run into people or doctors who won't believe you about certain things being from the Aspergers, and not just character flaws a normal person would have?

For instance, I'll mean to say one thing, it comes out wrong and offends someone, but that wasn't even what I meant, but they don't believe you. Another problem is when they attribute something you do to a certain character weakness you don't actually have. Maybe if a neurotypical person did it, it would reflect that weakness, but you might have to have stronger character than an average person just to do as well as you do!

Some people think you are just trying to use the Aspergers as a crutch, like an excuse to not have to take responsibility for things. But, at least speaking for myself, people don't realize that I work hard at improving every day, and do make progress, but it's very slow. But they don't see that, they think I'm just not trying, or sometimes they don't even believe you have Aspergers in the first place!

Anyone else have the same problems? How do you deal with it without getting upset?

 

[Ereth]

Whenever possible, I try to educate. I believe most people are willing to listen---so I try to have a polite conversation about ASD and any problems that may arise from my awkwardness. It usually works. And when it doesn't, I walk away and try again later.

 

[Peace]

How do you deal with people who don't understand and judge you? Also, do you ever run into people or doctors who won't believe you about certain things being from the Aspergers, and not just character flaws a normal person would have?

For instance, I'll mean to say one thing, it comes out wrong and offends someone, but that wasn't even what I meant, but they don't believe you. Another problem is when they attribute something you do to a certain character weakness you don't actually have. Maybe if a neurotypical person did it, it would reflect that weakness, but you might have to have stronger character than an average person just to do as well as you do!

Some people think you are just trying to use the Aspergers as a crutch, like an excuse to not have to take responsibility for things. But, at least speaking for myself, people don't realize that I work hard at improving every day, and do make progress, but it's very slow. But they don't see that, they think I'm just not trying, or sometimes they don't even believe you have Aspergers in the first place!

Anyone else have the same problems? How do you deal with it without getting upset?

Welcome to the world of being different. People have too difficult of a time understanding that their view is only one of many. To them, it is the only one possible, and so they judge. Many of us have faced this our whole lives. I have learned to speak more softly and to explain things in a way that others can understand. Many people that know me now see that there are other credible views out there. The people who do not, cannot be convinced, and should be left to their own accord. Those who matter will try to see things for what they are. Those who love you will not judge you. Find peace in knowing that your motives are just, and that you are doing all that you can to be good. We know the truth.

 

[AmyB8484]

Thanks, you're right about that - some people are just not going to change their mind, so there's no use getting upset, you just have to accept it

Most of my life, the only way I found I could get by socially without being a total outcast was to just talk as little as possible, and not make jokes, because usually people dont get them.

Then people will give cliche advice, like, "just be you, and don't worry about what people think!" But I'm like,?thats easy for a neurotypical to say, because their "different" is only so far out of range. Not "annoy-or-freak out-everyone-around-you different," and exhausting yourself with interpersonal conflicts for no reason

 

[Salmongirl17]

I have plenty of those problems. I've had many times this caused ends of friendships and relationships.

 

[AmyB8484]

I have plenty of those problems. I've had many times this caused ends of friendships and relationships.

Sorry to hear that I know how it feels. What problems do they have with it? Is it that they take you the wrong way? Or judge you according to the standards of a neurotypical? Other?

 

[GoofKing]

In the mortal words of George C Scott to his grandson from the movie Angus, "Screw them!" ... People are always going to be judgmental and hold it against you or use it to compare their own lives to yours.

 

[AmyB8484]

Welcome to the world of being different. People have too difficult of a time understanding that their view is only one of many. To them, it is the only one possible, and so they judge. Many of us have faced this our whole lives. I have learned to speak more softly and to explain things in a way that others can understand. Many people that know me now see that there are other credible views out there. The people who do not, cannot be convinced, and should be left to their own accord. Those who matter will try to see things for what they are. Those who love you will not judge you. Find peace in knowing that your motives are just, and that you are doing all that you can to be good. We know the truth.

Your comment just brought to mind a quote I read.. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Bernard M. Baruch

 

[Tarragon]

In the mortal words of George C Scott to his grandson from the movie Angus, "Screw them!" ... People are always going to be judgmental and hold it against you or use it to compare their own lives to yours.

oh my yes. There seems to be a vast swathe of people like this. I have chosen to ignore them, after letting their poisonous thoughts infect my mind for far too long and far too deeply. This is one of the bigger reasons I am glad I am an aspie, as I don't judge people and tell them what I think. Ok, we all "judge" but luckily for me, I know this is a bad thing to inflict on others. Im glad I don't really register other people so I don't have as much crap in my head. I've got far better things to do with my life!

So, yeah, Screw them royally.

 

[GoofKing]

There's plenty of people in this world not worth bothering with. ...

 

[LittleTigger]

I call them poopyface and have a tantrum usually.
I stamp off very loud and slam the door.
I even kick things if they keep screwing with me.

sometimes I don't even tell them anything, I don't
tell them about me being autistic, I let them find out
the hard way if they set me off, I explode and scream
and call them boogerfaces and stamp off.

Then I blame them.

Poop on them I just cannot care anymore.

 

[DylanKP]

People seem to assume that I'm some type of Clint Eastwood-type bada**, and many seem to think that I have no emotions, when that is very much NOT the case. Because of me 'violent' (note the quotes) history people also assume that I either have poor self-esteem or that I am overly assertive, when I am neither. I have fine self-esteem, because I realize that my life will be nothing more that a butterfly fart to most of the rest of the world and I can deal with that and not feel like I have amounted to nothing. However, I am not assertive at all, and I tend to let people run all over me, until I can't stand it anymore. Then I'll warn them. They forget and (to them) there was no reason for me to do whatever it was that I did to them (whether I beat them up or I make life unbearably hard for them if they're near me.). I always end up the guilty one in the end, even though my warnings are stuff like "If you take something from my lunch bag again, and I see you take it, you won't be eating lunch tomorrow, you'll be taking it intravenously." They are not some vague warning that can be misinterpreted, and they only come if I am positive that they have it out for me.

 

[Aspieistj]

People with certain illnesses face the same problem. Very few people believe that fibromyalgia is a real disease. Actually, it is called a syndrome because there is no nice, clean, specific test to prove it is the problem wrecking someone's life. I live with widespread pain on a daily basis and for the most part, I don't tell anyone what is wrong with me. Having FMS and AS makes me a real ass in most peoples' opinions. How I wish there were a specific test to prove the disease is present. I'm not crazy--I just have rotten luck.

 

[KassieMac]

People with certain illnesses face the same problem. Very few people believe that fibromyalgia is a real disease. Actually, it is called a syndrome because there is no nice, clean, specific test to prove it is the problem wrecking someone's life. I live with widespread pain on a daily basis and for the most part, I don't tell anyone what is wrong with me. Having FMS and AS makes me a real ass in most peoples' opinions. How I wish there were a specific test to prove the disease is present. I'm not crazy--I just have rotten luck.

I started a thread for things doctors say and what they really mean ... everything I've posted is from personal experience. About a year ago I was having several seemingly-unrelated symptoms that caused me to lose unbelievable amounts of time off work for doctor visits, only to have the doctor congratulate me on my excellent health & kick me out the door. Someone at work mentioned the possibility of Fibromyalgia, so I asked the 'doctor' about it. He looked away (avoiding eye contact) and said "A lot of doctors don't believe in Fibromyalgia" ... then, you guessed it, kicked me out the door. It was immediately apparent that what he meant was that he doesn't believe in Fibromyalgia. Ugh. How's that for 'healthcare'? To sum up the story, I took to the Internet which told me I had ovarian cancer. I took that with a large grain of salt, but instead of going to a useless GP I went to a gyn. It was a benign ovarian cyst which was so large that I couldn't eat ... which required surgery. I now have medical records, scars, and (in a lab somewhere) physical proof, and yet that idiot continued to insist nothing was wrong. Moral of the story: it's not just you. They don't listen to anyone. They ridicule anyone who turns to the Internet, but Google was far more helpful than the quack that was right in front of me. At least it got me to the right type of doctor ... otherwise I would have starved to death by now.

Aspie Misconception of the Day: "Aspies can't read non-verbal communication." I've found that while I often don't get what people are trying to put across without words, but I can almost always sense whatever it is that they're trying not to say. Their efforts to deceive, coerce, or persuade rarely work because the signals of their true intent are coming across so strong. The reason they can't acknowledge that we can read them is because they would have to admit their true intent and their efforts to deceive us. HA!

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I tend to simply ignore those types of people. It's a reason why I'm so picky when it comes to making friends.

 

[Berianireth]

People with certain illnesses face the same problem. Very few people believe that fibromyalgia is a real disease. Actually, it is called a syndrome because there is no nice, clean, specific test to prove it is the problem wrecking someone's life. I live with widespread pain on a daily basis and for the most part, I don't tell anyone what is wrong with me. Having FMS and AS makes me a real ass in most peoples' opinions. How I wish there were a specific test to prove the disease is present. I'm not crazy--I just have rotten luck.

This is an unfortunate fact. People with Parkinson's and Multiple Sclerosis are mistaken for drunks sometimes.
While it really upsets me when people try to convince me that my ASD is something else and utterly nefarious (like people with other mental disorders/disabilities are all "bad" people that need to be eliminated). I need to be shaken up a little sometimes though. I have more control over certain habits of mine than I'm aware sometimes, and the people that do strange things to upset me into altering them for my own benefit are angels.

 

[KassieMac]

I tend to simply ignore those types of people. It's a reason why I'm so picky when it comes to making friends.

Lucky you, if you can find anyone who's not like that. Nearly everyone I meet does me that way … not just peers or social contacts, but doctors, healthcare workers, employers, managers, coworkers. I can't leave the house without being mistreated. Makes it hard to get a job or pay my bills. I couldn't care less about making friends, I'm just trying to survive … but I'm glad to hear things aren't this bad for you.

 

[AsIstAga]

Lucky you, if you can find anyone who's not like that. Nearly everyone I meet does me that way … not just peers or social contacts, but doctors, healthcare workers, employers, managers, coworkers. I can't leave the house without being mistreated. Makes it hard to get a job or pay my bills. I couldn't care less about making friends, I'm just trying to survive … but I'm glad to hear things aren't this bad for you.

Totally understand!

 

[AsIstAga]

How do you deal with people who don't understand and judge you? Also, do you ever run into people or doctors who won't believe you about certain things being from the Aspergers, and not just character flaws a normal person would have?

For instance, I'll mean to say one thing, it comes out wrong and offends someone, but that wasn't even what I meant, but they don't believe you. Another problem is when they attribute something you do to a certain character weakness you don't actually have. Maybe if a neurotypical person did it, it would reflect that weakness, but you might have to have stronger character than an average person just to do as well as you do!

Some people think you are just trying to use the Aspergers as a crutch, like an excuse to not have to take responsibility for things. But, at least speaking for myself, people don't realize that I work hard at improving every day, and do make progress, but it's very slow. But they don't see that, they think I'm just not trying, or sometimes they don't even believe you have Aspergers in the first place!

Anyone else have the same problems? How do you deal with it without getting upset?

Just now looking into Pasadena Villa in Orlando, FL and have been looking for these words to explain my constant conundrum.. (Wish I had the answer) look up that place and tell me "I'm not crazy!" Plz!! Lol

 

[syst3mcas3]

I call them poopyface and have a tantrum usually.
I stamp off very loud and slam the door.
I even kick things if they keep screwing with me.

sometimes I don't even tell them anything, I don't
tell them about me being autistic, I let them find out
the hard way if they set me off, I explode and scream
and call them boogerfaces and stamp off.

Then I blame them.

Poop on them I just cannot care anymore.

YES!!! THIS!!! I CAN RELATE!!!