How do you deal with anxiety

[HorseloverFat]

Interesting. Would you mind explaining a bit more? I think I do the same. How do you notice it? How does anxiety feel at the beginning? How does your mind work in those situations?

I'll try the cold stuff. I do the opposite sometimes: I use a sauna.

Hi there. The problem is that I don't know how it feels in the beginning haha, I am very alexithymic (can't sense or identify my own emotions well) and have poor interoception (very out of touch physically with the sensations in my body). I have to rely on external cues, like I will pay attention to when I'm really going wild with a fidget toy or tapping my leg super fast or sometimes even starting to feel woozy because I am holding my breath or breathing in a quick or shallow way. One of my tells is that my hearing will suddenly change... all of a sudden things will sound echo-ey or far away, my ears may even pop and I can't hear out of one ear. If these things happen I know to step away from the situation and try to 1) figure out what is upsetting me and 2) try to regulate my nervous system somehow with one of the techniques I mentioned.

I am sure everyone has different "tells" for when they are anxious, I bet if you pay attention you will be able to figure out yours so that you don't have to rely on "feelings" so much. They can be really hard to pin down in the moment, I find. You can probably also ask people close to you, I bet they have noticed your "tells" and will be able to help you identify them.

I love saunas too! If I had one at work I'd for sure step in for ten minutes if anxiety struck lol.

 

[Aspychata]

Running really helps me put things in prospective. Or l am just too tired to feed into my anxiety. Or both.

 

[marc_101]

I am sure everyone has different "tells" for when they are anxious, I bet if you pay attention you will be able to figure out yours so that you don't have to rely on "feelings" so much. They can be really hard to pin down in the moment, I find. You can probably also ask people close to you, I bet they have noticed your "tells" and will be able to help you identify them.

I love saunas too! If I had one at work I'd for sure step in for ten minutes if anxiety struck lol.

Thanks for replying. Yes, I think you're right. I'm starting to suspect that what I call mind racing or my mind thinking too many things at the same time is what other people would call anxiety. Or not being able to decide if I want to be on the couch, or standing up, or watching tv, or reading, and then I go from one thing to the other...

 

[Misty Avich]

I read somewhere that autistics never feel emotions, we just intellectually 'feel' them. I think that's wrong though, for most of us really, because I definitely do not 'feel' my anxiety logically, or other emotions. I just automatically feel an emotion, like it's natural, and my anxiety is usually hardly ever logical. I can feel anxiety or depression without even thinking about it. Even at the age of 4 I could feel emotions without using any logic or intellect at all. In fact I didn't even know much about emotions back then (who does at that age?) but I still felt them, automatically.

I hate it when people say everything autistics do is based on intellect. If all of my social skills and emotions were felt or done by intellect then I'd have the IQ of Einstein.
I do have a lot of hardwired social skills that just developed from birth. I do have instincts. I am not some sort of robot.

 

[marc_101]

I read somewhere that autistics never feel emotions, we just intellectually 'feel' them. I think that's wrong though, for most of us really, because I definitely do not 'feel' my anxiety logically, or other emotions. I just automatically feel an emotion, like it's natural, and my anxiety is usually hardly ever logical. I can feel anxiety or depression without even thinking about it. Even at the age of 4 I could feel emotions without using any logic or intellect at all. In fact I didn't even know much about emotions back then (who does at that age?) but I still felt them, automatically.

I hate it when people say everything autistics do is based on intellect. If all of my social skills and emotions were felt or done by intellect then I'd have the IQ of Einstein.
I do have a lot of hardwired social skills that just developed from birth. I do have instincts. I am not some sort of robot.

My understanding is that that the issue is not the ability to feel emotions, but the ability to recognize/express/describe emotions.

I feel things intensely. My issue is 1) recognizing the emotion (say, I often think that I'm tired or have a cold but it could be sadness), 2) expressing the emotion (if somebody asked me, are you ok?, I'd say that I'm fine even though inside I'm a ball of unnamed emotions; I just don't show my emotions), and 3) describing emotions (say, is it anger, sadness, fatigue, anxiety?). That's the definition of alexithymia.

At least for me, it seems to fit. From the descriptions of how others experience anxiety, I've noticed that that's one emotion I have troubles recognizing and describing. So thank you all for describing it!

 

[Misty Avich]

I've never had trouble recognising or describing emotions. I recognise them straight away without even having to work it out. If you asked me how I'm feeling right now, I'd say I'm a little anxious because I'm waiting in a bus station and cars and buses keep beeping their horns and it startles me, also I'm feeling bored because the bus I'm waiting for is late, and I'm agitated too but not where it's putting me in a bad mood or anything. There was a baby screaming at nothing near me earlier and I felt anxious and irritated because I just hate that noise, but then the mother went off with it in a taxi so I felt relieved.

 

[jsilver256]

I read somewhere that autistics never feel emotions, we just intellectually 'feel' them. I think that's wrong though, for most of us really, because I definitely do not 'feel' my anxiety logically, or other emotions. I just automatically feel an emotion, like it's natural, and my anxiety is usually hardly ever logical. I can feel anxiety or depression without even thinking about it. Even at the age of 4 I could feel emotions without using any logic or intellect at all. In fact I didn't even know much about emotions back then (who does at that age?) but I still felt them, automatically.

I hate it when people say everything autistics do is based on intellect. If all of my social skills and emotions were felt or done by intellect then I'd have the IQ of Einstein.
I do have a lot of hardwired social skills that just developed from birth. I do have instincts. I am not some sort of robot.

Maybe the intellectual part is in relation to empathy. That I can believe, but that's not a bad thing. It means a clear head in a crisis.

 

[MildredHubble]

Im going to ask my Dr about beta blockers. I've always had a hard time expressing emotions and problems, which has been an issue with getting the right care from doctor. I didn't even know what anxiety was until mid twenties or maybe even later. I just felt discontent and instinctually self medicated without thinking.

Im going to start to listening to more catchy music so I have songs to sing.

I bought a grade 1 piano book for my keyboard. I read that if your creatively engaged it's impossible to have the mind space for worry at the same time.

These are great posts lots of solutions!

I quite recently started taking Propranolol which is a beta blocker. It works fairly well for me. It took a long time for me to persuade anyone that the anxiety I had been experiencing for a long time had really gotten too much for me to cope with or distract myself from.

I think I have a similar problem describing what's going on in my head to others. I also have had people tell me that on the outside I don't "look" like I'm really struggling. I don't seem like I'm "displaying" the typical signs that I'm really struggling with anxiety. My family will often tell me to not appear so composed. I suppose it's a form of masking that's just become a reflex.

I think in the past this has meant that I didn't get the help I needed because the doctors etc think "well you don't look anxious...".

I would recommend perhaps taking a family member or someone else you trust with you to your appointment with the doctor to help you advocate for yourself if you have a similar issue with looking too calm on the surface. That's what I had to do myself to finally get help with my anxiety.

Until the anxiety became so overwhelming, my natural tendency to get super focused on projects or solving problems would just kick in and distract me from the anxiety. For some reason I started to struggle doing this. But still, when I can focus on something, it's still the best way to keep the anxiety at bay. So don't give up trying to do things that help distract from the anxiety and if you do get some beta blockers, try to use their effects as an opportunity to get focused on something that helps distract you from the anxiety.

I really hope that you feel better soon! Anxiety is absolutely awful.

 

[Misty Avich]

Maybe the intellectual part is in relation to empathy. That I can believe, but that's not a bad thing. It means a clear head in a crisis.

I think a lot of autistics do overthink empathy and believe they must consider everyone all the time. I only feel empathy emotionally as and when, and just like everyone else I can be selfish at times. But some autistics lecture when anyone acts selfish and gives them a lecture on empathy, which I find as annoying as how people feel when their spelling is corrected or something.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm thinking of scenarios like - kid gets injured doing something dumb. NT parent panics, consoles, and soothes the kid. ASD parent patches the injury and looks to make sure the injury doesn't happen again.

I don't think all NT parents react like that, especially fathers. And if the kid's knee is pouring with blood then I'm sure the first thing any parent would do is give the knee medical treatment, then soothes the child. Maybe panic first as a natural reaction to the incident.

 

[Crossbreed]

I jump into engineering/problem-solving mode.
Best case scenario, I devise & execute a solution that mitigates the source of my current anxiety.
Second best, I devise/execute a course of action that minimizes the anticipated damages.

(I really should make prayer my first course of action, though...)

 

[Au Naturel]

I don't think all NT parents react like that, especially fathers. And if the kid's knee is pouring with blood then I'm sure the first thing any parent would do is give the knee medical treatment, then soothes the child. Maybe panic first as a natural reaction to the incident.

I think that has nothing to do with NT/ND parenting. When I was a kid, If I hurt myself, the response was first aid only if the injury was serious. If it wasn't, "It'll heal." Maybe a band-aid if it was bleeding, or just press a rag on it until it stopped bleeding, and off you go. Parents/teachers were only for profuse bleeding, broken bones, and the like. Even then, profuse bleeding just meant more pressure. The other kids and I took injuries in stride that today's helicopter parents would rocket off to the ER.

If a dog bit you, the first question was, "What were you doing wrong?"

It is a cultural thing, and we were expected to be closer to Spartans than hot-house plants. We played king-of-the-hill, red rover, crack-the-whip, and climbed steel monkeybars with no ground padding. Built campfires and carved with sharp knives and fired guns and didn't get lost in the woods. Drove tractors and worked farms. Then we got up to the really unsafe stuff when the adults weren't around. A scar is just a good story.

Today we have helicopters who smother you and rush you off to the emergency room over injuries that will quickly heal themselves. ER doctors and nurses love this.

I still feel that if a child doesn't regularly get scapes and cuts and even a broken bone once in a while, you've been overprotected. You should end up filthy and wet and cold on a regular basis. You learn to be afraid of life if you don't learn that pain passes and you're still good.

 

[HorseloverFat]

I'm experience empathy but only cognitive and not emotional. (Although I have heard other autistic people say they experience the opposite.) I don't intuitively identify the responsive feelings in the moment the way a NT would, and I don't have the instinctive social reaction to know how to comfort, console, or otherwise help someone. I will recognize that the person is upset, I will understand why, and I will have a desire to be of help or use to that person. But I don't "feel" it. For instance, my NT coworkers will straight up start crying when someone at work is telling a sad story. I can recognize that it's a sad story but I'm alexithymic and will not feel or recognize any actual feelings of sadness within myself. I never know what to say or do to be comforting either- the few times I've tried to hug someone it's so uncomfortable and I hate it, and also feel like I'm doing it wrong so probably the other person wasn't helped by it either. That is why I always try to offer a concrete thing I can do to help, or try to problem solve. I think this is why NT people interpret autistics as cold or emotionless, or lacking empathy. But I think it's just a different way of experiencing and expressing empathy.

 

[NB79]

i don't know why i have the impression that when people lived without electronics, in the countryside, as farmers etc, even when they had to work hard, they had a lot less 'mental issues' and anxiety, this older generations lived to 97 years old or something even when they didn't visited the doctors much, or cared too much about food etc.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I accept it and ask what is making me feel anxious. Then I think about what I can do that will be most helpful to me. Maybe that means there is nothing I can really do.

Understanding the emotion as an insight into myself is the best thing, though. It's a way of loving yourself, which will lead to a better life and stronger sense of purpose.

 

[ra49]

I think that has nothing to do with NT/ND parenting. When I was a kid, If I hurt myself, the response was first aid only if the injury was serious. If it wasn't, "It'll heal." Maybe a band-aid if it was bleeding, or just press a rag on it until it stopped bleeding, and off you go. Parents/teachers were only for profuse bleeding, broken bones, and the like. Even then, profuse bleeding just meant more pressure. The other kids and I took injuries in stride that today's helicopter parents would rocket off to the ER.

If a dog bit you, the first question was, "What were you doing wrong?"

It is a cultural thing, and we were expected to be closer to Spartans than hot-house plants. We played king-of-the-hill, red rover, crack-the-whip, and climbed steel monkeybars with no ground padding. Built campfires and carved with sharp knives and fired guns and didn't get lost in the woods. Drove tractors and worked farms. Then we got up to the really unsafe stuff when the adults weren't around. A scar is just a good story.

Today we have helicopters who smother you and rush you off to the emergency room over injuries that will quickly heal themselves. ER doctors and nurses love this.

I still feel that if a child doesn't regularly get scapes and cuts and even a broken bone once in a while, you've been overprotected. You should end up filthy and wet and cold on a regular basis. You learn to be afraid of life if you don't learn that pain passes and you're still good.

Most of what we did as kids is horrifying to our grandchildren who are now becoming parents.
We had freedoms that our little greats cannot imagine. Mom would put us out on Saturday after breakfast and say don't come back til dinnertime. We had bikes and 18 kids on our block with the same freedoms, a poison-ivy-infested park at the end of the street, and many square miles to roam. All the mothers kept an eye on every other one, and whatever you did today, Mom knew before you got home and you might not have dinner after all.

It isn't safe in my city for children to play outside unsupervised, even in fenced backyard.
Makes me sad for them, their lives are so much smaller and narrower.

Pawpaw made a boat from a #3 washtub and tractor tire inner tube, put it in the creek behind their house, and floated 7 miles down to the river. He was 8 years old, gone all day, had a great time. His Dad knew but never told his Mom

 

[thejuice]

i don't know why i have the impression that when people lived without electronics, in the countryside, as farmers etc, even when they had to work hard, they had a lot less 'mental issues' and anxiety, this older generations lived to 97 years old or something even when they didn't visited the doctors much, or cared too much about food etc.

My old human geography teacher said "there is no such thing as depression in the 3rd world" (as it was called then)

 

[Judge]

Im going to ask my Dr about beta blockers.

I took them for a few years for social anxiety and clinical depression.

Probably saved my life...though at a cost. The meds in question caused irregular heartbeats. But then I suspect few physicians would prescribe Lopressor these days. I eventually weaned myself off this medication without incident.

https://www.drugs.com/mtm/lopressor.html

 

[thejuice]

I quite recently started taking Propranolol which is a beta blocker. It works fairly well for me. It took a long time for me to persuade anyone that the anxiety I had been experiencing for a long time had really gotten too much for me to cope with or distract myself from.

I think I have a similar problem describing what's going on in my head to others. I also have had people tell me that on the outside I don't "look" like I'm really struggling. I don't seem like I'm "displaying" the typical signs that I'm really struggling with anxiety. My family will often tell me to not appear so composed. I suppose it's a form of masking that's just become a reflex.

I think in the past this has meant that I didn't get the help I needed because the doctors etc think "well you don't look anxious...".

I would recommend perhaps taking a family member or someone else you trust with you to your appointment with the doctor to help you advocate for yourself if you have a similar issue with looking too calm on the surface. That's what I had to do myself to finally get help with my anxiety.

Until the anxiety became so overwhelming, my natural tendency to get super focused on projects or solving problems would just kick in and distract me from the anxiety. For some reason I started to struggle doing this. But still, when I can focus on something, it's still the best way to keep the anxiety at bay. So don't give up trying to do things that help distract from the anxiety and if you do get some beta blockers, try to use their effects as an opportunity to get focused on something that helps distract you from the anxiety.

I really hope that you feel better soon! Anxiety is absolutely awful.

I've had someone say the same, and also "you don't look like you're in pain." I think anxiety is probably under diagnosed in men, because we are generally less expressive. The only sign I show is a tightening in the throat and a slightly strained voice. Maybe a restless leg if it's really bad

 

[thejuice]

I think a lot of autistics do overthink empathy and believe they must consider everyone all the time. I only feel empathy emotionally as and when, and just like everyone else I can be selfish at times. But some autistics lecture when anyone acts selfish and gives them a lecture on empathy, which I find as annoying as how people feel when their spelling is corrected or something.

Empathy can be voyeuristic or even used for evil! It isn't actually a virtue in itself, unless you do something about it and not just 'talk the talk' on a forum. I'll take a lecture from Mother Theresa, but not from people who are all for updating their Facebook profile picture to the latest cause whilst being melded to the sofa. What you experience is self back slapping of the worst kind, with the real purpose of putting you down.