How Do I Explain When I Go Nonverbal In Front Of People???

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

So it happened one night while my mother was cleaning up, and I was screaming from the noises of the clanging, vacuum, and my glitchy earbuds. When my earbuds glitches in my ears, that's when it happened. I couldn't speak, and the stress of my mother demanding an answer from what was wrong with me made it harder to regain speech. I couldn't get myself to talk. My brain wanted to tell her, but my body wouldn't let me. Or was it the other way around? I don't know! Finally, I had to take my phone out and type to her to tell her that I can't speak, and I couldn't explain why. All I could type was that the stress of the noise torturing me caused it, and I would need a while to calm down to be able to speak again. She thinks this is a first, but I told her that this happened before when I had that meltdown with the lawn mower. Then she said I'll never be able to get a job as a vet (being unable to talk to people) and then continued cleaning. I just felt really bad that day. I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't speak at that moment, and it just made no sense. How do I explain to my mother about going nonverbal or losing my ability to speak???

 

[Schism]

Hyper sensitivity overload. The same happens to me with loud noise, especially from multiple sources. I don't lose the ability to speak (I will flip out sometimes) but my brain shuts down & anxiety kicks in so I have to retreat pronto to absolute stillness & quiet to feel settled again.

As to your mother telling you you could never be a vet, absolute rubbish. How demeaning & cruel. Just remember that vet surgeries tend to be quiet & calm places (for the animals benefit) & that environment would suit you very well. Okay, distressed animal & owners will occur but briefly. .up to the vet to control the situation & environment! Don't give up on your ambitions because of an insensitive parent!!

 

[VAW]

So it happened one night while my mother was cleaning up, and I was screaming from the noises of the clanging, vacuum, and my glitchy earbuds. When my earbuds glitches in my ears, that's when it happened. I couldn't speak, and the stress of my mother demanding an answer from what was wrong with me made it harder to regain speech. I couldn't get myself to talk. My brain wanted to tell her, but my body wouldn't let me. Or was it the other way around? I don't know! Finally, I had to take my phone out and type to her to tell her that I can't speak, and I couldn't explain why. All I could type was that the stress of the noise torturing me caused it, and I would need a while to calm down to be able to speak again. She thinks this is a first, but I told her that this happened before when I had that meltdown with the lawn mower. Then she said I'll never be able to get a job as a vet (being unable to talk to people) and then continued cleaning. I just felt like sh** that day. I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't speak at that moment, and it just made no sense. How do I explain to my mother about going nonverbal or losing my ability to speak???

That is a tough one, I remember my son sitting there when I asked him a question, he quite often wouldn't answer me, I remember getting mad at him and saying YOU COULD AT LEAST ANSWER ME! OR that is so rude not to even answer! Of course that was before he was tested for ASD, now after reading up on all this stuff and talking to people on the forum, I now understand how his brain works and why it shuts down at times to non verbal. Maybe could you give her an article that was written about it and show her just how it is for you? What other people have said... that way maybe she can see that other people have the same happen? Here is what someone said about being non verbal...….
"I can become non-verbal but it’s never for no reason. There is always a reason but it might be a reason that the NT doesn’t recognize. I might be experiencing being over stimulated. Also I have auditory processing delays, so I sometimes have to process what I’ve been asked/told before responding so the other person, expecting an immediate response, thinks I’m ignoring them and moves on.

Every autistic has a different set of strengths & weaknesses, so their experience could be very different from mine, but I would think there would always be a reason why one would become non-verbal."

That kind of stuff I read from other people really helped me understand why my son became non verbal at times and so I didn't expect him to talk if he didn't want to or couldn't at times. Sometimes it is very hard for other people who don't have ASD to understand... My son is so intelligent that I don't think I could grasp there may be anything wrong in his brain or that he processed things differently so therefore it must be him ignoring me or being stubborn (for a lack of better word)

 

[Major Tom]

Write up a card you always carry with you and laminate it explaining the situation?

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Hyper sensitivity overload. The same happens to me with loud noise, especially from multiple sources. I don't lose the ability to speak (I will flip out sometimes) but my brain shuts down & anxiety kicks in so I have to retreat pronto to absolute stillness & quiet to feel settled again.

As to your mother telling you you could never be a vet, absolute rubbish. How demeaning & cruel. Just remember that vet surgeries tend to be quiet & calm places (for the animals benefit) & that environment would suit you very well. Okay, distressed animal & owners will occur but briefly. .up to the vet to control the situation & environment! Don't give up on your ambitions because of an insensitive parent!!

Thanks. Family members question how I'm gonna be a vet with my hypersensitivity to noise. I have ear buds, and the surgeries I watch when shadowing at the vet are pretty quiet.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Write up a card you always carry with you and laminate it explaining the situation?

Sounds good.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

That is a tough one, I remember my son sitting there when I asked him a question, he quite often wouldn't answer me, I remember getting mad at him and saying YOU COULD AT LEAST ANSWER ME! OR that is so rude not to even answer! Of course that was before he was tested for ASD, now after reading up on all this stuff and talking to people on the forum, I now understand how his brain works and why it shuts down at times to non verbal. Maybe could you give her an article that was written about it and show her just how it is for you? What other people have said... that way maybe she can see that other people have the same happen? Here is what someone said about being non verbal...….
"I can become non-verbal but it’s never for no reason. There is always a reason but it might be a reason that the NT doesn’t recognize. I might be experiencing being over stimulated. Also I have auditory processing delays, so I sometimes have to process what I’ve been asked/told before responding so the other person, expecting an immediate response, thinks I’m ignoring them and moves on.

Every autistic has a different set of strengths & weaknesses, so their experience could be very different from mine, but I would think there would always be a reason why one would become non-verbal."

That kind of stuff I read from other people really helped me understand why my son became non verbal at times and so I didn't expect him to talk if he didn't want to or couldn't at times. Sometimes it is very hard for other people who don't have ASD to understand... My son is so intelligent that I don't think I could grasp there may be anything wrong in his brain or that he processed things differently so therefore it must be him ignoring me or being stubborn (for a lack of better word)

Thanks. Maybe that'll help. I sent herher a screenshot of what I read on how autistic people like me described our problems with eye contact.

 

[Aspychata]

Right now you have been on overload with school, home, etc. If you do go the vet route, you will have your own quiet place and you won't be in noisy school so this temp situation just pushed you to that extreme. That's all it is,not some kind of death sentence as your mother suggested.

 

[paloftoon]

It sounds like your mother cares. Be mindful of that, but if she doesn't understand, as long as you're still in a capacity to follow this interest of yours, just simply thank her for her concern and tell her that there are some things you have to experience and learn on your own. If she continues to intrude, since this is something you know you want, you need to ask her to step back on this issue and walk away from the conversation.

 

[All-Rounder]

"Pay attention, mom. I only become non verbal because of the noise. Not all the time. I need you to understand that. I know myself, please don't tell me what I can't do, it only makes it harder for me to talk to you and it hurts me, especially when I'm overwhelmed."

 

[Judge]

Family members question how I'm gonna be a vet with my hypersensitivity to noise. I have ear buds, and the surgeries I watch when shadowing at the vet are pretty quiet.

Know that noise is a very real problem in this particular industry. Having been a workers compensation underwriter, it's difficult for me not to comment on such a consideration.

Unfortunately the assumptions of your family members may be closer to the truth than you may be willing to acknowledge. I'm not suggesting you abandon such aspirations, but at the very least now is the time to investigate the realities of such work in terms of known exposures and hazards. Which cannot realistically be assessed by an observation of only one or two veterinary offices.

A particular consideration to ponder is the physical proximity of pet boarding (kennels) to a vet's offices, examination and surgical rooms. They aren't all created equally in this regard. Where veterinarian services in close proximity to their kennels may be perpetually noisy.

"Kennel noise is another hazard that’s often overlooked, Best says. “The National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health did a study on kennel noise and found that the level of noise that the workers in those kennels are exposed to far exceeds OSHA’s permissible limits.” "

Comments and considerations as outlined by the American Animal Hospital Association relative to Department of Labor statistics on injuries and illnesses of those employed in the veterinary services profession:

US Department of Labor: Working in the veterinary field is more dangerous than working in law enforcement

Other such links reflect the various issues of noise relative to veterinary clinics. Things for you to seriously ponder given a hypersensitivity to sounds:

https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/hhe/reports/pdfs/2007-0068-3042.pdf

Dogged by Noise, Homeowners Ask Kennel for Peace and Quiet : Business: The dispute between a veterinary clinic and nearby neighbors is a classic case of zoning problems laid at the city's door.

http://veterinaryhospitaldesign.dvm360.com/4-ways-control-noise-your-veterinary-hospital

 

[Nightingale121]

I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't speak at that moment, and it just made no sense.

Maybe you could try and talk to her about it after calming down and not right after the incident.
Also, preparing for the conversation might make it easier. An article could be helpful, as VAW suggested:

Maybe could you give her an article that was written about it and show her just how it is for you? What other people have said... that way maybe she can see that other people have the same happen? Here is what someone said about being non verbal...….
"I can become non-verbal but it’s never for no reason. There is always a reason but it might be a reason that the NT doesn’t recognize. I might be experiencing being over stimulated. Also I have auditory processing delays, so I sometimes have to process what I’ve been asked/told before responding so the other person, expecting an immediate response, thinks I’m ignoring them and moves on.

Every autistic has a different set of strengths & weaknesses, so their experience could be very different from mine, but I would think there would always be a reason why one would become non-verbal."

I think you could even use your own first message of the thread as a starting point for the conversation since you were able to explain it here to us.
This way she would be informed and more likely to understand what's going on the next time and not trying to demand you to answer in the situation while you're still nonverbal.

Write up a card you always carry with you and laminate it explaining the situation?

I like the idea with the card. It could be combined with the approach I mentioned above, so that the card wouldn't need to be very elaborated, just containing a very basic statement like: "I'm nonverbal right now and can't speak due to sensory overload. We can try to talk about it later once I've calmed down again."
A more detailed card would be useful in other situations with other people though in case you experience this in other environments regularly. This way you wouldn't need to do all the explaining again and again.

 

[Peter Morrison]

All my life, people would ask me what was wrong with me if I went silent. I never knew why I went silent - it just happened. It was impossible to explain because I didn't know why it was happening. People interpret silence like that as someone being angry or belligerent. I never realized that I went silent because of commotion and being over-stimulated in a chaotic environment. I can bounce back if I take a break from the activity that is clearly overdosing me. I can OD on listening as well.

I learned that my brain can only absorb information if it has a place to settle. That means that it must make sense to me and join up with existing information. I think of this the way water passes through a drip coffee maker. It takes time due to the process. My process seems to be slower than most. Information has to be parceled out in doses that I can manage. Going silent is the first sign that I am at overdose level. Stop pouring! Too much is like gridlock. People take breaks for a reason. Having too much to digest at once is stressful to me. I suppose that in a work environment where you know the stressors and the work procedures, you can get used to the distractions and prepare for them. You can learn how to deal with them effectively. Being aware is key to managing issues like these. Interacting becomes a struggle, and when you are in this state, the last thing you want is a struggle. Certain calming rituals could be helpful, especially if you only need to get through another 5 minutes of overdoes. But, you'll still need the break.

 

[Dr. Eh Hol]

Your mom likely took your silence as some sort of insult, and decided to insult you back with the vet thing. Undoubtedly she cares, but normal folk more often than not confuse insults and assessments - conflating the two. So the vet thing was more retaliatory than accurate.

That being said, vet clinics are some of the noisiest and smelliest places I've ever been.

Best way to explain the nonverbal bouts is telling people you have a circuit-breaker that trips when there is too much environmental or social stimulus to process. Your noodle goes into a self-protect mode. They likely won't get it because their brains process inputs differently. But, your needs count too and there should be compromise. Do your best to open a dialogue. If someone acts dismissive or accusatory, know that this attitude is their problem and how they choose to react.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Other people have given beneficial opinion, so i would like to ask about another perspective..

It must be so painful that you screamed. Can you bear it a little while until you get out of the house, whenever your mother is cleaning? Or perhaps you can request her to tell you before she starts cleaning, so that you can wait outside the house? Or can you predict when she is going to start cleaning, so you can start evacuating? I'm not sure on your environment.. is it doable?

Because maybe it is mistaken as a tantrum.. and she needs to clean the house, cant just stop because you hate it. But i wonder why she was vacuuming at night.. but whatever. Same thing also if it is done during the day.