How do I become more callous at work and not feel guilt?

[Jumpinbare]

I am seeing a psychiatrist to learn how to socialise better. Part of it is I want to learn how to fake certain expressions. It's important to look friendly and happy at all times, show sympathy even though you're dead inside. If I could become anyone at any time, that would be wonderful

 

[Masked Man]

What do you mean by lower skilled work? I think generally those who work in Medicine, IT, Law, Engineering are considered higher skilled. Apparently those who work in IT are sometimes overruled by their bosses with little tech experience

But I think when one steps into the working world they must learn to lie about who they are, especially when it comes to how much experience they have and how much they love their jobs. It's a strange experience reading Mission Statements and Company Mottos. I used to believe they were for 'helping consumers' and 'doing good for the world' but now I realise it's all just a load of PR doublespeak. It's actually impressive how well humans can lie, and how their lives revolve around crafting a persona; it's something that I both admire and hate

You mentioned civility, but I realised recently that some bullying is subtle and 'professional', it's hard to explain.

I am seeing a psychiatrist to learn how to socialise better. Part of it is I want to learn how to fake certain expressions. It's important to look friendly and happy at all times, show sympathy even though you're dead inside. If I could become anyone at any time, that would be wonderful

What I mean by lower skilled work is a job that basically anyone can do with minimal training and requires no higher education. The first types of jobs that come to mind are fast food workers and grocery clerks, as an example.

Mission statements and vision statements are corporate things not really meant for regular workers. The mission and vision statements are supposed to define the direction the company wants to go in. For example, my work's mission statement is something like "to improve the health of our local community." This tracks because the hospital is a community one, and is not as large as the other local teaching hospital. So our hospital has a large birthing center, and other lower level medical services; the larger hospital has the trauma units and speciality clinics.

Yes, a lot of people in the professional world are subtle about their distain. For the most part I ignore it and also them. Their behavior is a reflection of them, not me. Maybe they are going through something that day that has nothing to do with me - either way, I don't care. It's their problem, not mine.

I also have trouble with expressions so one of the things I have learned to do is to sort of mirror what the other person is doing. If someone is speaking to me and they are excited about something, I will respond in a similar way. If they are obviously concerned, I will make my response more serious. It seems to work.

 

[Matthias]

Also if anyone has tips for avoiding people and not feeling lonely that'd be great

That's like asking for tips to completely avoid food without feeling hungry. Loneliness, like hunger, is a signal that your needs aren't met. It's not wise to ignore it.

I am seeing a psychiatrist to learn how to socialise better. Part of it is I want to learn how to fake certain expressions. It's important to look friendly and happy at all times, show sympathy even though you're dead inside. If I could become anyone at any time, that would be wonderful

I wouldn't recommend faking expressions. People will see you aren't being authentic, making it difficult for them to feel connected to you. That will likely result in others avoiding you.

It's important to look friendly and happy at all times, show sympathy even though you're dead inside. If I could become anyone at any time, that would be wonderful

It's not true that you should look happy at all times. It's unnatural. It's important to be content. You can do this by thinking positively, focusing on the good things in life, seeing the good in others, and being grateful for what you have even when some things in your life aren't going well.

 

[maleonolo]

Thanks for the replies guys I'm still reading them so it might take a while for me to respond to the later ones

* Social skills always matter. But they matter much more for someone in Management or in Sales than for someone doing technical work
* The more technical a job is, the more having good skills protects you from "office politics"
* It's not uncommon for people to socialize a little at work, but it's not a social environment.
Most of the talking should be work-related.
* A lot of cooperation, particularly when you need someone's help to get something you're responsible done, is transactional. People help if they're told to, or if they know you'll "pay them back", of if they achieve a personal objective in the process (like learning a new skill).
Which is fine OFC - but to participate you need to learn how to trade.

Thanks for the tips. Yes, I was intending to work in tech. Of course, it is oversaturated and highly competitive. Especially because if the employers are smart - then they can outsource a lot of work to developing countries with a weaker currency and people who are willing to work more for less. I'll have to grit my teeth (bear with it). If I can't socialise well, I must work extra hard in everything else, nothing to whine about

Anyways... Start smile from your eye corners. Lifted eye corners are the first indication of it, corners of the mouth follow as an indication that you allow your smile to show. Smiling without eyes participating looks fake. Hardest part is to choose smiling situations correctly.

I think I can fake a smile, but not always naturally. And it's hard to do more nuanced expressions like vulnerability (tilting the head, I think). I laugh naturally but it's hard to fake it in front of others

 

[maleonolo]

Then supplement such awareness to accept the inherent transactional nature of human beings. That in essence all human relationships are political in nature. That virtually everyone seeks something from others ultimately for their own personal aggrandizement. -Period.

Then consider striving to avoid the inevitable pitfall of ideological thinking. To avoid "marrying" any ideal unconditionally. To accept that life is dynamic and always requires periodic "adjustments". Never to stagnate on a flawed perception that some ideals can be perfect.

Not in an attempt to be moral per se, but rather to remain ethical.

What Is The Difference Between Morality and Ethics?

I do feel that most relationships are transactional but it's depressing to hold that belief. Being ethical is quite important for conformity

 

[maleonolo]

I changed jobs a lot. I’d beat the bully but then I’d also have associations of high stress with that workplace so I’d quit and move on. I averaged less than 6 months at any one workplace.

Working with truly skilled individuals is a pleasure because of the lack of any social hierarchy. Land in a workplace filled with half skilled wannabees and that social hierarchy is there in full force. Retail environments are even worse.

This social hierarchy topic is the key to so much. This is why most autistic people prefer one on one social situations rather than a group of friends – when it’s just the two of you there’s no hierarchy crap.

Did you move between states because of this? That must be quite stressful. How did you develop your social skills; was it easily acquired or did you have to study others for a long time? It's impressive that you're well to do despite changing jobs often (I remember your anecdote about going to a pub with painted jeans and that guy talking about you)

So many people here have mentioned that high-skill environments require less social skills, so that's a good look. Your breakdown of social hierarchy is quite insightful

I managed to achieve that early on in life, quite simply by sticking to my own moral code and not trying to conform to what others think. I believe in myself because I like who I am and if others have a problem with that then it's them that has the problem, not me.

Don't get sucked in to playing other people's silly little games, that always ends badly, stick to your own moral code.

Don't let others change the way you think and the way you act, as soon as you start trying to be like them you will lose respect for yourself, and when you have no respect for yourself then no one else will have any respect for you either.

Have you always been so confident since childhood?

 

[Outdated]

Did you move between states because of this? That must be quite stressful.

Moving to different states was just chasing a change, which I never found of course. I had a great time though, Australia's a huge country, bigger than Europe, and I got to see a lot more of it than most people do.

How did you develop your social skills; was it easily acquired or did you have to study others for a long time?

I didn't really start to learn any social skills until I started working. The people I worked with treated me really well and so I looked up to them and I learnt a lot from them about how people should treat each other. At that time I only had one friend, but then there was a second friend, and then a whole group of friends. Getting a driver's license and a car added to my freedom too, and then of course I wanted a girlfriend.

I did study people, and I emulated different characteristics of other people. I must have spent hundreds of hours practicing body movements and facial expressions in front of a big mirror. It worked. Before I turned 17 I had my first serious girlfriend.

Have you always been so confident since childhood?

I had a healthy ego right from the start, I always believed other kids picked on me because I was better than them and they were jealous. To this day I reckon that's not far from the truth. But where my ego really picked up was when I realised I was becoming good at my job and that I had a good future ahead of me. That kind of confidence flows on to other areas of your life.

 

[Hypnalis]

Yes, I was intending to work in tech. Of course, it is oversaturated and highly competitive.

Something to consider (which will loop back to the "people-skills" aspect of your questions):

IT is changing fast at the moment due to AI.

Programming is becoming easier, and relevantly for you, easy programming is becoming relatively easier compared to difficult/creative programming. A very good coder can be say 3x as efficient, but almost all the gain is in automating simple things. For a people who only do simpler things: one or two out of three of those roles will be "rightsized".

SysAdmin is also becoming simpler - initially (I see this in my own area) it's becoming easier to resolve technical issues that are simple for a domain expert, but difficult for IT specialists lacking deep domain-specific knowledge.
The net effect of this will be on much the same scale as the coding example.

In both cases (SysAdmin and coding), the best people get much more effective, but aren't replaceable. OTOH beginners and less talented/skilled people will have a harder time of it.

Up the value-chain, things won't change as much, at least in the short/medium term, for architects and people who write business-centric specifications for IT systems. I'd expect the implementations to get a lot better, including improvements in ways that are way out of scope for this forum.

That raises a different kind of issue for you though: that kind of work is very dependent on social and communication skills. And you absolutely have to understand NT thinking to work effectively at that level. Not quite the same skills as Sales, but fairly close to some niches in Technical Team Leadership and Project Management that are comparable.

The message here is that entry-level and "grunt" work in IT will exist, but will almost certainly become harder to access due to AI. What won't change as much is the aspects of IT work that are AI-proof at the moment: which means either tech-creative, or people-centric.

The smaller number of low/end entry positions will tend to go to people who are judged to have the talent to get to high-end positions. Simpler work where AI is easy to leverage and effective tend to go to the excess "experienced mid-range" people.
Note that the numbers might change again: high productivity doesn't necessarily lead to lower employment in the long term. But it often does in the short term, and it's not predictable.

If you're wondering about the nature of the common thread: AI.
I'm not that interested in "positioning" AI at the moment, but I don't mind answering specific questions about it in terms of what I wrote above.

One thing worth remembering:
You have to plan and act based on what's real today, or is highly likely in the near future (a year or two).
As the facts change, so should the plan.
But you can't plan for what you don't know - unknowns motivate flexibility, but not at the cost of progress.

For an example, look at what happened with the F35, the launch gear on CVN-78, and the Zumwalt's Advanced Gun System. Being too optimistic on the timing or feasibility of something new and cool costs a lot, and slows things down. 'Perfect is the enemy of good".

 

[maleonolo]

I play to my strengths. I have my own rules. I have my own thoughts. They do not have the ability to think on my level, nor I to theirs.

Stop the mental madness of trying to play their game. It won't work. They will have no empathy for you and you will have no empathy for them.

I am aware of the danger of burnout from years of masking. It seems to be highly prevalent among NDs, maybe even universal. Perhaps there's a glimmer of hope in me that says maybe I'm different and I should at least try. I guess this line of thinking is common among those who have heard an adage but not shared the experience that formed it.

I'm not sure if there's any advantage of being autistic. Of course, if you're intelligent, that'd be a different story. I've heard that autistic folks have a spiky cognitive profile. As far as I'm aware, I'm very average in terms of intelligence. My teachers and friends occasionally said I was smart, but I was never smart enough to coast through school without studying or paying attention. Sometimes I wonder if that was just lip service.

To my mind, the best thing about intelligence is being able to coast through and have a relaxing, quiet and lazy life. But as I understand it, you'd really need to be super smart (not just slightly) as well as being well-adjusted (no ASD or any disabilities) to live this sort of life

It's heartening to see that many individuals have found peace in sticking to their values and not climbing the greasy pole

I also have trouble with expressions so one of the things I have learned to do is to sort of mirror what the other person is doing. If someone is speaking to me and they are excited about something, I will respond in a similar way. If they are obviously concerned, I will make my response more serious. It seems to work.

I'll try to mirror what others are doing (and practise in the mirror too)

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I am aware of the danger of burnout from years of masking. It seems to be highly prevalent among NDs, maybe even universal. Perhaps there's a glimmer of hope in me that says maybe I'm different and I should at least try. I guess this line of thinking is common among those who have heard an adage but not shared the experience that formed it.

I think there are some of us that get too consumed with trying to fit in...with trying to make that neurotypical connection...and fail at it...that they beat themselves up for being failed human beings...fueling their depression, anger, frustration, etc. Hopefully, at some point, one embraces oneself and proudly says, "I am not them." I may look like them...but I am not them. I can think of only one time in my life where I had a glimpse of connection in terms of "shared consciousness" and it only lasted a few minutes. Otherwise, my stream of thought and consciousness is not like anyone else I have ever interacted with...sure, I can mask on the outside...but on the inside, my mind is a storm of activity that almost never stops...several layers of thinking all at the same time...It's never calm. I might as well be an extraterrestrial alien trying to mimic my way in a human world.

I'm not sure if there's any advantage of being autistic. Of course, if you're intelligent, that'd be a different story. I've heard that autistic folks have a spiky cognitive profile. As far as I'm aware, I'm very average in terms of intelligence. My teachers and friends occasionally said I was smart, but I was never smart enough to coast through school without studying or paying attention. Sometimes I wonder if that was just lip service.

The double-edged sword of autism...with respect to the lack of human connection is that you're less likely to be influenced by the group. It is isolating, lonely, and frustrating at times. However, if you step back and look at what is going on in this world right now...and in the past...neurotypicals in large groups...tribes, nations, political groups,...can tear societies apart with all manner of atrocities. I cannot emphasize enough how much I want to separate myself from all of that.

To my mind, the best thing about intelligence is being able to coast through and have a relaxing, quiet and lazy life. But as I understand it, you'd really need to be super smart (not just slightly) as well as being well-adjusted (no ASD or any disabilities) to live this sort of life

This is an error in thinking...a mischaracterization. The more intelligent you are, the more knowledgable you are, the heavier the world is upon your shoulders. You are more aware of different perspectives and contexts...and tend to be more aware of thinking errors. You are more aware of how the physical world works, physics, matter, nature, patterns...you understand things others do not. It is a continuous struggle to be immersed in a world of low intellect people doing low intellect things, day in, day out, and still maintain some emotional composure. I see them as an existential threat to myself and my family. That, in and of itself, is mentally exhausting. The autism component though...the lack of connection with other humans, the communication and social difficulties, can leave me with varying degrees of "mind blindness"...not being able to ascertain intent behind words and actions. It puts me at a disadvantage in that respect.

I have busted my azz my entire life for myself and my family...still am...and this is with all the disadvantages of the autism experience as discussed earlier. I am self-taught in many disciplines, with a lot of delays, trial and error...because I struggle with neurotypical teaching methods and ways of thinking. Absolutely nothing in my life has been relaxing, quiet, nor lazy...quite the polar opposite.

It's heartening to see that many individuals have found peace in sticking to their values and not climbing the greasy pole

It really comes down to self-acceptance, being at peace with yourself, and actually being proud that I am not neurotypical. If I can separate myself from them it allows me to be fiercely independent and see my world in different ways. I think I've done OK not listening to others opinions and playing by my own rules.

I'll try to mirror what others are doing (and practise in the mirror too)

Make time for yourself...to be yourself, as well. It will keep you grounded.

 

[maleonolo]

IT is changing fast at the moment due to AI.

Programming is becoming easier, and relevantly for you, easy programming is becoming relatively easier compared to difficult/creative programming. A very good coder can be say 3x as efficient, but almost all the gain is in automating simple things. For a people who only do simpler things: one or two out of three of those roles will be "rightsized".

SysAdmin is also becoming simpler - initially (I see this in my own area) it's becoming easier to resolve technical issues that are simple for a domain expert, but difficult for IT specialists lacking deep domain-specific knowledge.
The net effect of this will be on much the same scale as the coding example.

Yes, various LLMs can do simple coding and fix errors... It's a shame that coding is incredibly boring. Poring over lines of syntax trying to catch what went wrong - it's probably one of the 'safer' fields though since tech is so deeply intertwined with our lives now. Most people probably don't enjoy their jobs

I'm interested in studying animals and wildlife but I don't have a Science degree. I have also read on forums that biology is one of the worst paid fields at the entry level and is hell to climb up. Networking is very important in this field

https://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comments/1cai7q1/is_a_career_in_biology_worth_it

Being a pharmacist sounds quite interesting, I don't know much about that though