So I guess the biggest question is this - how did you start looking for deeper meaning?
And, as an aside, how did you settle on your denomination of choice?
I am not Christian and never have been (although I am told my maternal grandmother took it upon herself to baptize me with holy water as a baby, when she learned my parents never would) ... my parents did not want to scar me like they had been scarred; My mother especially believed that I should be allowed to choose my own beliefs when I became old enough -- that is, if I was to believe in anything spiritual.
My parents were both raised as Catholics (my dad strict Roman Catholicism)....and my mother's lifelong special interest was religion and spirituality...
As a child I went to church maybe 3-5 times outside of funerals. I remember almost nothing except that I was bored and my suit was scratchy, and that when I went with my cousins and aunt and uncle I was given a toy car to play with so I would be quiet and stay seated. At least one of those times I went to a Sunday School...I think this happened because I was staying with a friend's family while my mom was in hospital...I was um, not well-liked by the teacher nor the other children, the lights were too bright, and I was just happy to leave...
Oh I almost forgot -- I went to a catholic school for almost a whole year. (Long story about why, not telling it) There was actually less religion in that school than in the Protestant Schools I had previously attended (the Protestant Schools tried to be athiest because the place I lived for the first years of my education had no non-denominational schools until I was in my twenties....but my goodness was there ever a lot of God talk -- especially in Health and Sex Ed). I actually learned nothing about religion from that Catholic school, and I severely angered my religion teacher and made every other child in my class burst into raucous laughter by challenging her assumption that a student from a previous year who was thought to be male and wore women's clothes to school was disrespecting women just by wearing clothing marketed to them...I raised my hand, trying to be a good ally (am also queer but did not know that about myself as a child) and raise awareness of diversity and said "But what if he's just gay or transgender?" She was so, so, mad....she actually couldnt answer me but was saved by the reaction of the rest of the class....she couldnt calm them down for quite a while. I never understood why it was so funny.
And I listen to what others tell me they believe (at least until they attempt to convert me or say something so horrifically offensive to me I cannot continue to do so and am unable to sort of change the topic and avoid it in future)...everyone from people who I am certain would be diagnosed as delusional schizophrenics to actual socially-sanctioned preachers.
So I have been exposed to
quite a wide variety of both mainstream and alternative religious and spiritual beliefs.
...including some that were not-unlikely not exactly spiritual beliefs so much as manifestations of severe mental illness...but who knows?
I have adopted none of them, and I don't have any respect for missionary work. Opening your doors and your arms to anyone who wants to learn and hear from you, or needs your help? To me is that is beautiful.
Condemning the cherished beliefs of anyone not like yourself and trying to forcibly convert them to being and thinking just like you? Abusing or killing them for not believing as you do? Even just expecting them to listen to your beliefs while silencing anything they say about theirs? To me that is hateful, bigoted, and ugly...should not be tolerated. An assault against others.
I have adopted quite naturally some of the traditional teachings my mom passed on to me without making them about spirituality per se, from Algonquin culture. It is closest, I suppose to what in anthropology is called "animism". (I believed also in Creator as a child, but I don't really as an adult). I truly believe all things have life of a sort, and that other species and plants have personhood of their own sort. Or as my dad might say that "We are all stardust" (he disavowed Roman Catholicism as soon as he left home -- probably long before that actually, given things he has told me about
himself as a teenager).
I had what I am pretty certain is a near-death experience as a teenager, when I almost died from a drug allergy reaction in hospital. It and many unexplainable things that defy what is known about the universe in scientific terms informs my deeply held belief that there is far more to existence than most of us know right now in human form, layers of being and consciousness that connect us all...I am not sure I believe in an "afterlife", I can easily imagine something like reincarnation happens but I don't think of it as one distinct soul adopting many forms...more like our souls or consciousness/energies are all connected and we are somehow all different and separate in life, but all just more like one big tangled mess of shifting and forming snd reforming consciousness/energy when we die....sort of like everything and nothing at the same time....really the only thing I know for sure is that I don't really know anything.
Aside from the above things, which are pretty malleable, I don't have firmly fixed beliefs. I believe there is more to everything than anyone knows, and that this life is not all there is... although when I die, I don't expect to me anymore, but I won't be surprised if I am still something and still conscious in some way I have no words for.
All of which is to say: I don't think a person necessarily needs to adhere to any particular doctrine or belief system to be a spiritual person. (Maybe some do and I am just not one of them?)
I suggest you explore various philosophies, be open to what you do not know, and let yourself dream and wonder.
Also maybe look into non-denominational churches if you are uncertain of what appeals to you and looking for the love and support of a faith-based community more than you are looking for solid answers about the nature of existence.
