How can you confidently determine if you have ASD?

[Vesta]

As stated in another thread, it's part of the hyper-focus that most of us deal with in whatever ways. You seem to hyperfocus in social situations, and after however long, you get tired and feel burnt out - all of it becomes an example of overstimulation that you may experience, and you have probably wondered for a while as to why you deal with such. It's one of the more common traits we folks all over the spectrum tend to share. If you have any kind of coping mechanism, then you can deal with it better. It could be that you have only specific conversations at all. It could be that you need to be sitting down with food or drink (possibly sitting in the far back / corner of the room - furthest from bright lights or music, even). It could be (like I mostly do) that you can't be in big crowds unless focused and rather working on something - you are there with specific purpose, and you don't feel so uncomfortable because of it. Whatever the case, if you leave these situations and immediately feel better, freer and seriously delight in the time it takes to recharge / regroup / reset before getting back to your regular routines...you may well be on the spectrum.

Per memory: My memory probably rivals an elephant's, haha. I can drive somewhere for the first time, ever, and without any map, I always immediately know how to get right back out of there in exact reverse. I've even done this going somewhere in daylight, but then I left for home after dark - no problems. That's just one example. I could go on and it end up a novel in length perhaps, so I'll just sum it up and say that, I remember tons - I remember things from one year of age - I remember things that I wish I could forget, even. Everything is vivid and not just what I saw...what I heard, even.

The thoughts you are describing - that's what's called "intrusive thoughts." They intrude upon you, no matter what you are doing or thinking about (just out of nowhere). Many people get this area of issue depending on their stress levels at whatever moment in their lives. You do want to be mindful of this not becoming an issue that it starts darkly imposing upon you, though - don't let them spiral you down into anger or depression. If that ever becomes the case, that's when you seek professional medical and/or therapy help. Worry appropriately, of course. Don't dwell on just having random, out of leftfield thoughts that derail your train of thought in conversations or such. I've seen all kinds of folks just ramble on, go on tangents and then stop and ask, "what was I originally talking about? Sorry." It happens.

It seems that I don't have any issues with recognizing emotions and facial expressions; I also understand proverbs and hidden meanings, or so I think. It's just that people with autism struggle a lot with this—how about you? I haven't specifically studied this, but I find it hard to communicate with others, especially when it comes to articulating my thoughts.

Often, it takes me a while to grasp the meaning of what was said. For example, I realize later that there was sarcasm in the words or that I should have responded differently. I end up replaying that conversation in my head for a long time, sometimes for almost a week. Because of this, I constantly feel tense, as if I'm waiting for an attack from those around me.

 

[Judge]

It seems that I don't have any issues with recognizing emotions and facial expressions; I also understand proverbs and hidden meanings, or so I think. It's just that people with autism struggle a lot with this—how about you? I haven't specifically studied this, but I find it hard to communicate with others, especially when it comes to articulating my thoughts.

Just curious. Do you consider such spoken communication even more arduous when in real time ?

Often, it takes me a while to grasp the meaning of what was said. For example, I realize later that there was sarcasm in the words or that I should have responded differently. I end up replaying that conversation in my head for a long time, sometimes for almost a week. Because of this, I constantly feel tense, as if I'm waiting for an attack from those around me.

Oh yes. Thus the reason I mentioned "real time" above. I suspect many of us are somewhat at a disadvantage in most any face-to-face conversation. When we are not only trying to follow a person's words, but to also try to grasp things like meaning and intent. When attempting such "multitasking" can easily get us into trouble so we misinterpret elements of a live conversation.

Worse in fact if we are in a group situation with multiple persons speaking back and forth.

Yet I have no issues with metaphors or idioms. But so many unwritten social protocols we're expected to magically know or appreciate can still be difficult !

 

[Dagan]

Faye and Vesta: I feel like anyone can get cabin fever, though and just excitedly surge with a polar opposite change - it's akin to a breaking freedom from depressive state(s). "Freedom!" Haha. It definitely happens. ND types will be the ones more likely to heavily info-dump / talk someone's ears off about "specific interests only," or what we've thoroughly planned out to talk about, though. When we're finished putting it all out there (when we've met the end of what we know to say / do), we can and usually do start to get uncomfortable more and more. This is when we will want to return home and recharge, basically. All the while, NT folks are seemingly able to talk about anything at any time and seem to feel absolutely comfortable about it, so if they info-dump, it will be ongoing and variably so. Again, too, Autism is a spectrum, so there's a range of how much or how little someone will be comfortable doing such. And...at the same time, this all plays into how doctors call ADD / ADHD the "cousin" of Autism. These are things said folks absolutely deal with because of the craving for "newness" in surroundings, conversations, etc. Truly, you want a professional to diagnose you, but one thing we here at the forum can all assume correctly is that we are the grouping / types of people who can majority understand and relate (everything from stims to struggles). If I may add, many of us have a spectrum of fear levels regarding socializing, and that really determines which of us can "go further" to gain more friends, be friendlier, etc.

Vesta: Just always remember the "spectrum" part. This is per all traits, symptoms, abilities, comfort levels, et. al. It's entirely possible to be able to better read someone's emotions than another on the spectrum, but at the same time, you talk about mindfully being interesting as you can think to be to someone (this is kind of a lesser form of love-bombing, but in no way a bad thing), and then you mentioned that you didn't catch sarcasm (that's a common thing we all share - again in levels). At the same time, I can joke and satire and mock things, myself. I can watch that kind of comedy and laugh along with others. That could be that I know it's coming - I know the intent. Makes sense, anyway. I do prefer this "chatting" form of communication better than most. I have become a professional writer in the business sense, just by keeping with what I learned early on, but overall, I took to it / still take it because it gives me a chance to edit and better convey my thoughts. I just don't want to make mistakes or be mistaken. Now, the one that stands out to me more is that you talk about replaying the conversation over and over. I bet you consider all ways the conversation could have been better perhaps..? I call this the chess match mentality. I do this for all kinds of things, especially the more important the task or conversation, whether it is something yet to come or has already occurred. This is a hyperfocus trait. It's common for ND but again to whatever random degree and whatever varying areas someone has focus on.

Roda: I definitely relate to your mentions. "How are you?" I'm like...where should I start...or should I say anything at all...or should I do a quick, stereotypical response because who really wants to hear my goings on..? I've constantly missed knowing anyone had desire to know me, like me, etc. Oops. And yes, I need to be alone at times. It doesn't have to be extensive amounts, but I have to just calm myself from overstimulation in this world

And still...it could be that you simply exhibit traits that are often just grouped into the spectrum diagnoses. Either way, I don't get a sense that anything is wrong or makes anyone hard to be around or deal with. Don't think that about yourselves, ever. There's just people in this world who can't or don't want to put the required effort into true relationships, friendships and such, and those bad apples can truly spoil us on the whole bunch of others out there. Every one of us has worth...and you simply have to find out who values you accordingly. Some folks can socialize easily to find such folks. Some of us folks have to figure out ways that better work socially otherwise.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

Faye and Vesta: I feel like anyone can get cabin fever, though and just excitedly surge with a polar opposite change - it's akin to a breaking freedom from depressive state(s). "Freedom!" Haha. It definitely happens. ND types will be the ones more likely to heavily info-dump / talk someone's ears off about "specific interests only," or what we've thoroughly planned out to talk about, though. When we're finished putting it all out there (when we've met the end of what we know to say / do), we can and usually do start to get uncomfortable more and more. This is when we will want to return home and recharge, basically. All the while, NT folks are seemingly able to talk about anything at any time and seem to feel absolutely comfortable about it, so if they info-dump, it will be ongoing and variably so. Again, too, Autism is a spectrum, so there's a range of how much or how little someone will be comfortable doing such. And...at the same time, this all plays into how doctors call ADD / ADHD the "cousin" of Autism. These are things said folks absolutely deal with because of the craving for "newness" in surroundings, conversations, etc. Truly, you want a professional to diagnose you, but one thing we here at the forum can all assume correctly is that we are the grouping / types of people who can majority understand and relate (everything from stims to struggles). If I may add, many of us have a spectrum of fear levels regarding socializing, and that really determines which of us can "go further" to gain more friends, be friendlier, etc.

But I was never the quiet shy kid that didn't know how to communicate when I was little. While I did prefer topics that I found interesting (and there were many such topics) I was perfectly capable of having other discussions too even if if I found them boring. I first became timid around my Dad and later (probably early teens) taught myself to be quiet and reserved to stay out of trouble with him and sometimes even be praised for not speaking to other teens. After so many years of intentional isolation to prove I was "disciplined" along with accumulated traumas, I eventually genuinely fell behind on social skills.

 

[Vesta]

Just curious. Do you consider such spoken communication even more arduous when in real time ?


Oh yes. Thus the reason I mentioned "real time" above. I suspect many of us are somewhat at a disadvantage in most any face-to-face conversation. When we are not only trying to follow a person's words, but to also try to grasp things like meaning and intent. When attempting such "multitasking" can easily get us into trouble so we misinterpret elements of a live conversation.

Worse in fact if we are in a group situation with multiple persons speaking back and forth.

Yet I have no issues with metaphors or idioms. But so many unwritten social protocols we're expected to magically know or appreciate can still be difficult !

And when I get into some kind of conflict, I start stuttering, confusing words. And neurotypical people are so aggressive, they snap right back, even if you just look at them the wrong way. Just like a dog that grins and shows its teeth

 

[Vesta]

Faye and Vesta: I feel like anyone can get cabin fever, though and just excitedly surge with a polar opposite change - it's akin to a breaking freedom from depressive state(s). "Freedom!" Haha. It definitely happens. ND types will be the ones more likely to heavily info-dump / talk someone's ears off about "specific interests only," or what we've thoroughly planned out to talk about, though. When we're finished putting it all out there (when we've met the end of what we know to say / do), we can and usually do start to get uncomfortable more and more. This is when we will want to return home and recharge, basically. All the while, NT folks are seemingly able to talk about anything at any time and seem to feel absolutely comfortable about it, so if they info-dump, it will be ongoing and variably so. Again, too, Autism is a spectrum, so there's a range of how much or how little someone will be comfortable doing such. And...at the same time, this all plays into how doctors call ADD / ADHD the "cousin" of Autism. These are things said folks absolutely deal with because of the craving for "newness" in surroundings, conversations, etc. Truly, you want a professional to diagnose you, but one thing we here at the forum can all assume correctly is that we are the grouping / types of people who can majority understand and relate (everything from stims to struggles). If I may add, many of us have a spectrum of fear levels regarding socializing, and that really determines which of us can "go further" to gain more friends, be friendlier, etc.

Vesta: Just always remember the "spectrum" part. This is per all traits, symptoms, abilities, comfort levels, et. al. It's entirely possible to be able to better read someone's emotions than another on the spectrum, but at the same time, you talk about mindfully being interesting as you can think to be to someone (this is kind of a lesser form of love-bombing, but in no way a bad thing), and then you mentioned that you didn't catch sarcasm (that's a common thing we all share - again in levels). At the same time, I can joke and satire and mock things, myself. I can watch that kind of comedy and laugh along with others. That could be that I know it's coming - I know the intent. Makes sense, anyway. I do prefer this "chatting" form of communication better than most. I have become a professional writer in the business sense, just by keeping with what I learned early on, but overall, I took to it / still take it because it gives me a chance to edit and better convey my thoughts. I just don't want to make mistakes or be mistaken. Now, the one that stands out to me more is that you talk about replaying the conversation over and over. I bet you consider all ways the conversation could have been better perhaps..? I call this the chess match mentality. I do this for all kinds of things, especially the more important the task or conversation, whether it is something yet to come or has already occurred. This is a hyperfocus trait. It's common for ND but again to whatever random degree and whatever varying areas someone has focus on.

Roda: I definitely relate to your mentions. "How are you?" I'm like...where should I start...or should I say anything at all...or should I do a quick, stereotypical response because who really wants to hear my goings on..? I've constantly missed knowing anyone had desire to know me, like me, etc. Oops. And yes, I need to be alone at times. It doesn't have to be extensive amounts, but I have to just calm myself from overstimulation in this world

And still...it could be that you simply exhibit traits that are often just grouped into the spectrum diagnoses. Either way, I don't get a sense that anything is wrong or makes anyone hard to be around or deal with. Don't think that about yourselves, ever. There's just people in this world who can't or don't want to put the required effort into true relationships, friendships and such, and those bad apples can truly spoil us on the whole bunch of others out there. Every one of us has worth...and you simply have to find out who values you accordingly. Some folks can socialize easily to find such folks. Some of us folks have to figure out ways that better work socially otherwise.

I even have trouble expressing myself in writing the way I would like to, and I think I have a bit of dysgraphia. I used to write it off as a lack of literacy, but now I think it might be related to neurodiversity. Once, when chatting in a chat room, I tried to be as polite as possible, but people still felt I wasn't very socialized and said I lacked grace in my communication.
I read that what matters most to the person talking to you is to hear something predictable. That surprised me, although I may subconsciously do that myself. But it seems to me that the answer could be anything. I try to be sensitive, but people still don't like me. I often see how others, even rude and aggressive people, easily find common language with others, they have a lot of friends, and people want to communicate with them.

Perhaps I will be judged for the fact that the opinion of others is important to me, as neurotypical people did. But I don't need to explain that for me it's a matter of survival. Some people may think that I am different so I write off my diagnosis, but I just want to stop torturing myself by forcing myself to socialize. I thought I was just sociophobic, but I think the problem is deeper than that.