Housework help :-( I'm in a muddle

[Appleslime]

Hi everyone. T biggest problem at the moment is keeping on top of my house chores and being organised. I just can't do it. My house is such a mess and I get so upset at my lack of being able to keep on top. If I had the money I would hire a cleaner. My whole house needs a good clean and I just don't know where to start. Only on sat I did so much around the house and yet when I look around, everything I did has been undone. My freshly mopped floors are messy, carpet has bits all over, kitchen sides have marks on where my kids have made a mess, I don't know how to keep my house feeling clean and fresh. I'm Trying to put together a list of what chores to do on what days but I get so overwhelmed as not sure how often things need to be done. Can any of you advise me on how to keep on top? It sounds such an easy thing to be able to do but my brain just can't rationalise everything and it's making me very stressed. The only thing I have under control is changing my beds (which I do mine and my kids on alternate weeks) and I'm OK keeping on top of my washing/ironing. Right now I'm sitting looking at all the dust and Co webs and muck and I just don't know where to start

 

[Mary Lyn]

It is worth getting a cleaner in for 2 hours. It will encourage you to do the rest.

 

[VJCJ0628]

I've had this executive function issues, As far as cleaning house, Thank God for my wife today as I have always struggled with that, However now I am struggling with work,

I have this cycle I continually go through, (I don't know if its part of Aspergers but I think so)
But with my buis seems like I start off with amazing focus everything is easy but a little here and a little there starts to pull from that focus and anxiety starts to build and focus becomes harder and harder
till I crash become very depressed and cant function well

Once this happens its hard to begin again. Like I don't know where to start

Most of my life I get to a point of frustration, I usually don't get out of it till it passes or sometimes its so bad I can't get out of it till I put immense pressure on myself even berate myself

This is absolutely NOT advice I know my methods are bad but I haven't found a better way and will watch this thread from insight

 

[Suzanne]

How old are your children? Because you should get them to help. Even little ones can do something.

For an example. When they mark surfaces or doors etc, get them to clean up their mess and that should deter them in doing it again.

Teach them to make their own beds.

In fact, I would think the children would love to use a big broom and get those pesky cobwebs off the cealing etc.

You can even get fun coloured cleaning equipment to encourage help around the house.

I had to learn, due to having two little dogs and a messy husband that I needed to be willing to house clean every day and once I did learn that, the stress has gone out when they make a mess.

My husband likes to tell me when he doesn't think I am doing something to his standards and it occured to me not long ago, that whilst he likes to talk about: he can't help it; it is miltery training, I realised that in fact his training has not seemed to do much for HIM and so, now I jokingly say: how about putting that miltery training into practice and tidy up all your paperwork?

He also has said: it is a case of: out of sight, out of mind. So, not long ago, I said: high up places, are for me: out of sight, out of mind and thus, if you see dust, why not grap a dust rag and clean it and he actually agreed. Well, he has to, since I am basing it on his own arguments lol

 

[OlLiE]

step 1: a house only stays clean if no one lives in it
step 2: ste priorities:
- prio 1a: hygiene (basically anything that comes into contact with water or food)
- prio 1b: safety hasard (anything that can cause harm: tripping, cutting, ...)
- prio 2: cleanups with small effort but large impact
- prio 3: cleanups with large effort but small impact

there is no 'physical' reason why you can't keep your place clean,
it's just a question of priorities and discipline

 

[LucyPurrs]

Sounds like you are doing a good job with your laundry and changing the beds which shows that you can probably get a handle on the other stuff. Agree with Suzanne about having the kids help depending on their ages.

Otherwise, make a list of all the tasks that need to be done, how often and how long each takes. Then see if you can commit to 1 hour a day for say 6 days to work on the cleaning. Try to do it the same time each day so it gets built into your routine. Assign tasks to each hour and see if you can get it all done in the 6 days or whether you need more or less time. If you try to do it all at once you will overwhelm yourself. I bet you can easily get it all done in a week.

 

[Progster]

I would ask other members of the family to help you. It is unfair that you should have to do everything alone and not get help. Allocate chores.

Have a schedule and rotation system. For example, Monday, laundry and bed changing. Tuesday, dusting. Wednesday, floors. Thursday, kitchen. Friday, bathrooms. Saturday, garden. Sunday, day off.

Don't try to do all at once or on one day. Break it up into smaller, more manageable chunks.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I always think it's funny. -when I've calmed down!

That when I'm stressed EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE.

It's hard to break things down to smaller and smaller bits.6

I tend to use reminders for everything .
They repeat once a week, a few times a week, once a month.

I know I will still dismiss them.
Meaning I've still got the option not to do them if I don't feel like it.

A lot of things can be left for a week anyway.

I use a habits app. When something is done I put a tick in the box.

But...

You've got young kids.
So it seems you're already doing the most important things.
Washing,ironing .

I'm assuming you feed them...

The rest you can be more relaxed about.

There are so many apps die all this, I'm all about auto reminders
It's also easier - ironically - to leave things and not chastise yourself if you know there's another reminder..

If you remember my previous post to you about past me.

This method uses 'future me'
You can relax future me will sort it.

'now me' will just wash and iron this week.

 

[Suzanne]

a house only stays clean if no one lives in it

Not true! I have taken on a job of cleaning a holiday home and it has not been lived in for 2 years and my husband and I were saying that, in fact, it has a different kind of muck about it. It also smells unlived in and so, have to open all the windows. Dusting needs to be done each time, due to the air. And mice droppings.

 

[WittyAspie]

I have the same trouble. When too much needs to be done I find myself unable to do anything. OlLie suggestions concerning priorities sounds great. I need to implement that the next time I live alone.

 

[dragonwolf]

There's a book https://www.amazon.com/Unf-Your-Habitat-Youre-Better/dp/1250102952 that might be worth reading. The suggestions here are really good, too.

The trick I've found is to do a little every day. So, for example, when I make my morning coffee, while it's brewing, I unload and reload the dishwasher. This has taken my kitchen to overwhelmingly messy to far more manageable in just a couple of days, and I feel like I'm doing something about it.

I've also created a couple of schedules for myself. One is my weekday routine, which includes a couple of blocks of time (60-90 minutes) where housecleaning is an option. The other is the schedule of housecleaning tasks set up to recur when they should be done (I'm horrible about actually doing them, but it's a start).

Here's an idea of the time intervals I have for things to help you out. Give it a try for a couple of weeks and see if you need to adjust from there.

Daily:
Dishes
Hazard pickup

Weekly:
Trash/recycling out
Vacuuming
Laundry
Compost out (or more frequently as needed)
Maintenance clean bathrooms
Mow lawn (or more frequently if needed)
Weed garden

Monthly:
Deep clean bathrooms
Deep clean kitchen

Yearly:
Shampoo carpets
Clean out garage

So, each day, you pick a couple of things and do them. Even if the only thing you do some days is the daily stuff, that's a start. Then, you can start adding in the weekly stuff, as the daily stuff becomes less overwhelming. Maybe create a schedule - Monday is laundry, Tuesday vacuum, etc.

And I fully agree with the suggestions to enlist family. If the kids are old enough to mark up the walls, then they're old enough to clean up those marks. Everyone contributes to the mess, so everyone should be helping to clean it up.

 

[Snotcat]

My apartment used to be really messy and i had the same problem but then i made a schedule and i spend the whole monday cleaning and do other stuff on other days. I wrote instructions in which order to do everything like 13pm i load the dishwasher and clean tables and it really helped me. I've had the schedule almost for a year now and I've been sticking to it so i added cleaning for friday too and now i have a clean house. At least for a few days a week

 

[Gracey]

It depends on what type of ‘clean’ you’d like.

Basic hygiene and organised?

Or ocd obsessive?

Children were sweeping chimneys at five years old back in the day.

I’m not saying they should, just pointing out a child’s capabilities.
(They can handle some responsibility)

Reminders and lists can be useful to follow.

If it’s the quantity of chores that’s overwhelming, delegate tasks.
- it’s not like you make all of the mess.

 

[PineconeJill]

I am 53, with aspergers. Keeping the house tidy is a challenge, I have a hard time transitioning so when I try to "just clean the house" I end up with a super clean fridge but nothing else gets done. Also, my brain believes that if you do something, it should stay done, not have to be re-done over and over and over.
This means it is constantly surprised and irritated by the mess, and resistant to doing anything about it.

The only thing that has worked for me (and I have tried many, many things) is a short list of daily chores and a "zoned" chore chart for the rest of the house. I keep a hard copy on the fridge and added it to my google calendar so I get a daily reminder of what zone to clean.

It's a 4 day plan so Friday, Saturday and Sunday are not zone cleaning days--a break helps me feel less like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of cleaning.

It decreases in difficulty for me as the week progresses since I am fairly eager to clean on Monday, but by Thursday am pretty bored with it.

Anyway, this is what works for me:

1. Do the daily chores--Dishes, Sweep the kitchen floor, Take out Garbage and run a Load of Laundry, then do the "zone of the day".
2. Do not clean outside the zone unless it's an extraordinary kind of mess; dust is not extraordinary, plumbing leaks, animal accidents and juice spills are.

The zones:
Monday: Kitchen, Pantry and Side Yard: Scrub the sink, clean the window above the sink, muck out the fridge, clean off the counters, wipe down the tops and fronts of appliances and cabinets, sweep and mop the floors, tidy up the pantry, check supplies, and go outside and tidy/weed/mow/water the side yard.

Tuesday: Laundry Room, Bathroom and Backyard, Wipe down the washer and dryer, sweep and mop the floors, clean toilet, sink, counter and shower, check supplies, stock toilet paper, clean windows and the area around the back door knob, go outside and tidy/weed/mow/water the backyard and parking area and take the garbage to the curb since Wednesday is garbage pickup day.

Wednesday: Living and Dining areas and Front Yard: Vacuum and dust, clean windows and wipe down the area by the front door knob, change table cloth, wipe down chairs, pick up and put stuff away, go outside and tidy/mow/weed/water/rake the front yard and sidewalk.

Thursday: Stairs and Upstairs: Vacuum the stairs and upstairs bedrooms, change sheets, clean windows, tidy up the rooms, clean upstairs bathroom: tub, toilet and sink, check cabinets and stock toilet paper.

Then, I'm, done. If the kids are around when I'm cleaning they help, if not it's manageable by myself.
Good luck, I hope you find what works for you.

 

[abby normal]

there are so many other things that compete for my time, energy and attention, than staying clean and organized. it is such a huge task, that on the odd occasions where I get the cleaning bug, I just do it all day 'til exhaustion, then I forget about it for a few years...

 

[Appleslime]

I am 53, with aspergers. Keeping the house tidy is a challenge, I have a hard time transitioning so when I try to "just clean the house" I end up with a super clean fridge but nothing else gets done. Also, my brain believes that if you do something, it should stay done, not have to be re-done over and over and over.
This means it is constantly surprised and irritated by the mess, and resistant to doing anything about it.

The only thing that has worked for me (and I have tried many, many things) is a short list of daily chores and a "zoned" chore chart for the rest of the house. I keep a hard copy on the fridge and added it to my google calendar so I get a daily reminder of what zone to clean.

It's a 4 day plan so Friday, Saturday and Sunday are not zone cleaning days--a break helps me feel less like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of cleaning.

It decreases in difficulty for me as the week progresses since I am fairly eager to clean on Monday, but by Thursday am pretty bored with it.

Anyway, this is what works for me:

1. Do the daily chores--Dishes, Sweep the kitchen floor, Take out Garbage and run a Load of Laundry, then do the "zone of the day".
2. Do not clean outside the zone unless it's an extraordinary kind of mess; dust is not extraordinary, plumbing leaks, animal accidents and juice spills are.

The zones:
Monday: Kitchen, Pantry and Side Yard: Scrub the sink, clean the window above the sink, muck out the fridge, clean off the counters, wipe down the tops and fronts of appliances and cabinets, sweep and mop the floors, tidy up the pantry, check supplies, and go outside and tidy/weed/mow/water the side yard.

Tuesday: Laundry Room, Bathroom and Backyard, Wipe down the washer and dryer, sweep and mop the floors, clean toilet, sink, counter and shower, check supplies, stock toilet paper, clean windows and the area around the back door knob, go outside and tidy/weed/mow/water the backyard and parking area and take the garbage to the curb since Wednesday is garbage pickup day.

Wednesday: Living and Dining areas and Front Yard: Vacuum and dust, clean windows and wipe down the area by the front door knob, change table cloth, wipe down chairs, pick up and put stuff away, go outside and tidy/mow/weed/water/rake the front yard and sidewalk.

Thursday: Stairs and Upstairs: Vacuum the stairs and upstairs bedrooms, change sheets, clean windows, tidy up the rooms, clean upstairs bathroom: tub, toilet and sink, check cabinets and stock toilet paper.

Then, I'm, done. If the kids are around when I'm cleaning they help, if not it's manageable by myself.
Good luck, I hope you find what works for you.

Thank you for your detailed list.

Today I had a bit of a meltdown (has been months since I properly melted like today :-( )

daughter wet the bed last night so all day whilst at work I had been planning that my tasks for the evening was to change her bed, bath her and do a basic clean of her room (ie dust & vacuum)

basically what happened is I got in the cleaning zone and ended up doing a deep clean .. Her window, blinds, sorted out her toys etc. It took me all afternoon into late eve to get it all done and her room is now immaculate, organised and sparkling clean.

However, due to my obsession to finish her room to the standard I was buzzing to do, the lunches hadn't been done, I hadn't had a shower, not washed up from dinner, the rest of the house was a total mess and by this time I was tired and needed my bed.

I ended up in floods of tears and half way through a bottle of wine, telling myself I am useless and feeling really annoyed at my (yet again) lack of being able to prioritise.

Hubby was great and together he helped me do what was 'needed' and Ive finally collapsed into bed at a ridiculous hour.

Your post has really helped and this weekend I am going to make a proper written routine o this never happens again.

 

[Appleslime]

There's a book https://www.amazon.com/Unf-Your-Habitat-Youre-Better/dp/1250102952 that might be worth reading. The suggestions here are really good, too.

The trick I've found is to do a little every day. So, for example, when I make my morning coffee, while it's brewing, I unload and reload the dishwasher. This has taken my kitchen to overwhelmingly messy to far more manageable in just a couple of days, and I feel like I'm doing something about it.

I've also created a couple of schedules for myself. One is my weekday routine, which includes a couple of blocks of time (60-90 minutes) where housecleaning is an option. The other is the schedule of housecleaning tasks set up to recur when they should be done (I'm horrible about actually doing them, but it's a start).

Here's an idea of the time intervals I have for things to help you out. Give it a try for a couple of weeks and see if you need to adjust from there.

Daily:
Dishes
Hazard pickup

Weekly:
Trash/recycling out
Vacuuming
Laundry
Compost out (or more frequently as needed)
Maintenance clean bathrooms
Mow lawn (or more frequently if needed)
Weed garden

Monthly:
Deep clean bathrooms
Deep clean kitchen

Yearly:
Shampoo carpets
Clean out garage

So, each day, you pick a couple of things and do them. Even if the only thing you do some days is the daily stuff, that's a start. Then, you can start adding in the weekly stuff, as the daily stuff becomes less overwhelming. Maybe create a schedule - Monday is laundry, Tuesday vacuum, etc.

And I fully agree with the suggestions to enlist family. If the kids are old enough to mark up the walls, then they're old enough to clean up those marks. Everyone contributes to the mess, so everyone should be helping to clean it up.

Thank you, I've ordered the book x

 

[Adora]

I struggle with cleaning the house too,while my home isn’t completely untidy I still struggle with things like vacuuming and cleaning the floors,I don’t like living in a mess but I do find simple chores to be overwhelming,the good thing though is I have a bathroom that is easy to clean so that helps and I once said to my husband if we ever dare able to buy a house I am not getting a all white interior home.

 

[PineconeJill]

Thank you for your detailed list.

Today I had a bit of a meltdown (has been months since I properly melted like today :-( )

daughter wet the bed last night so all day whilst at work I had been planning that my tasks for the evening was to change her bed, bath her and do a basic clean of her room (ie dust & vacuum)

basically what happened is I got in the cleaning zone and ended up doing a deep clean .. Her window, blinds, sorted out her toys etc. It took me all afternoon into late eve to get it all done and her room is now immaculate, organised and sparkling clean.

However, due to my obsession to finish her room to the standard I was buzzing to do, the lunches hadn't been done, I hadn't had a shower, not washed up from dinner, the rest of the house was a total mess and by this time I was tired and needed my bed.

I ended up in floods of tears and half way through a bottle of wine, telling myself I am useless and feeling really annoyed at my (yet again) lack of being able to prioritise.

Hubby was great and together he helped me do what was 'needed' and Ive finally collapsed into bed at a ridiculous hour.

Your post has really helped and this weekend I am going to make a proper written routine o this never happens again.

Oh dear! I have absolutely been there. Super clean spot in a sea of schmutz. I'm sorry you had a melt-down, but sometimes a little wine and a good cry is necessary to start fresh.
Try keeping it simple at first so it isn't overwhelming--if you are working and have small children, you already have alot on your plate.
Another thing I had to do (and keep having to do) is get rid of "stuff". I have a terrible time deciding what to do with papers, things that are broken but could be fixed and useful, things people gave me that I have no use for, and things "I might need or use someday". My default is to put it in a drawer, box or bin so I dont have to think about it. The trouble is, the bins start to pile up, it always looks messy, and it gets harder and harder to deal with. Now, I put things in bins in the pantry and if they sit there too long or start to pile up, I get rid of them. I dont even look in the bin. I just make it go away.
I hope you have a better day today!

 

[dragonwolf]

Oh dear! I have absolutely been there. Super clean spot in a sea of schmutz. I'm sorry you had a melt-down, but sometimes a little wine and a good cry is necessary to start fresh.
Try keeping it simple at first so it isn't overwhelming--if you are working and have small children, you already have alot on your plate.
Another thing I had to do (and keep having to do) is get rid of "stuff". I have a terrible time deciding what to do with papers, things that are broken but could be fixed and useful, things people gave me that I have no use for, and things "I might need or use someday". My default is to put it in a drawer, box or bin so I dont have to think about it. The trouble is, the bins start to pile up, it always looks messy, and it gets harder and harder to deal with. Now, I put things in bins in the pantry and if they sit there too long or start to pile up, I get rid of them. I dont even look in the bin. I just make it go away.
I hope you have a better day today!

Ooh, the bin idea is great!

I don't like keeping things we don't use. Like, to the point it's draconian. So I have a rule that if we can't remember the last time we needed/used a thing, it gets donated/recycled. Having it already in bins would (in theory, at least) make that process so much easier!