Hi :)

[Tashaheart7]

Well hello! I really don't know what to say really. I guess I'm actually pretty relieved that I found this website, so I can have someone to talk to about my current situation with my fiancé. We both strongly feel he has Asperger's Syndrome and Schizophrenia. We have never gone to get a proper diagnosis yet. I want to say he's more on the high functioning side, but nonetheless it's still an everyday challenge for the both of us. His parents choose to ignore that he has this and claims that nothing is wrong with him. Any thoughts?

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome Considering it's an everyday challenge for the both of you, I'd strongly suggest getting proper diagnosis so you can get the tools to deal with the issues you encounter in everyday life. If you have the means to do so, that is.

 

[Myway]

Hello and welcome.

 

[Merilthel]

Well hello! I really don't know what to say really. I guess I'm actually pretty relieved that I found this website, so I can have someone to talk to about my current situation with my fiancé. We both strongly feel he has Asperger's Syndrome and Schizophrenia. We have never gone to get a proper diagnosis yet. I want to say he's more on the high functioning side, but nonetheless it's still an everyday challenge for the both of us. His parents choose to ignore that he has this and claims that nothing is wrong with him. Any thoughts?

First of all, welcome to this community! I just recently found out about this website myself, so we're in the same boat!! As for you and your fiancés situation, I personally feel for the both of you, I know how hard it is when someone you love choose to neglect the facts that someone on the spectrum wants to reach out.. As for his parents, that is so rude!!! Excuse me, but instead of neglecting him and ignore the facts that he has those kind of problems or how one should say, they should reach out to him and be more considerate and ask him if there is anything they can do to help!! I do not know how it is in your country but here in Sweden they do ( I am not 100 % sure how it is now) give informative sessions about HFA and all the different diagnosis on the spectrum, I think that if his parents can get someone they trust to talk to about their feelings and therefor get the answers that they need to understand him better, I think alot is won right there!!

 

[Tashaheart7]

Hello and welcome.

Thanks!

 

[Tashaheart7]

Welcome Considering it's an everyday challenge for the both of you, I'd strongly suggest getting proper diagnosis so you can get the tools to deal with the issues you encounter in everyday life. If you have the means to do so, that is.

I agree. Unfortunately we don't have the means to do that now, but hopefully soon he can go get a diagnosis. I feel so bad for him because he knows that it's slowing him down from actually performing well at his job. One of his manager's wrote a letter about him and he found the letter. It mentioned his pace and how he's useless. I felt so bad for him at that point... As a neuro typical, you can't help but to feel so helpless.

 

[Tashaheart7]

First of all, welcome to this community! I just recently found out about this website myself, so we're in the same boat!! As for you and your fiancés situation, I personally feel for the both of you, I know how hard it is when someone you love choose to neglect the facts that someone on the spectrum wants to reach out.. As for his parents, that is so rude!!! Excuse me, but instead of neglecting him and ignore the facts that he has those kind of problems or how one should say, they should reach out to him and be more considerate and ask him if there is anything they can do to help!! I do not know how it is in your country but here in Sweden they do ( I am not 100 % sure how it is now) give informative sessions about HFA and all the different diagnosis on the spectrum, I think that if his parents can get someone they trust to talk to about their feelings and therefor get the answers that they need to understand him better, I think alot is won right there!!

I agree. I don't think the answer is to neglect the situation... It's so frustrating. Not even my parents/grandma want to admit that he has Asperger's Syndrome and Schizophrenia. They want to believe he is fine and I'm over thinking it. Just because he looks like a neuro typical on the outside does not mean he's a neuro typical on the inside... I mean how can ignore someone talking to them self for moments at a time or them rubbing their face 3 times periodically during the day?

 

[xudo]

Welcome

I hope you can find some help and answers here. I'm guessing as you've said it's not possible for you to get a diagnosis for him at the moment, that you're in the US (or somewhere else where there isn't the option of free healthcare)? I can also completely empathise with family members not wanting to accept there is an issue. My parents haven't outright said that they do not believe my diagnosis, but they are incredibly dismissive. All despite the fact that my Mum was actually there for the whole assessment and subsequent diagnosis. Some people just don't want to admit that they may have missed something I suppose.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome to AC! There are a number of NT SOs on this site who can relate to your situation. It is great that you are reaching out to support your fiancé.

 

[Tashaheart7]

Welcome

I hope you can find some help and answers here. I'm guessing as you've said it's not possible for you to get a diagnosis for him at the moment, that you're in the US (or somewhere else where there isn't the option of free healthcare)? I can also completely empathise with family members not wanting to accept there is an issue. My parents haven't outright said that they do not believe my diagnosis, but they are incredibly dismissive. All despite the fact that my Mum was actually there for the whole assessment and subsequent diagnosis. Some people just don't want to admit that they may have missed something I suppose.

How do you cope knowing that your parents don't want to acknowledge what you have?

 

[Tashaheart7]

Welcome to AC! There are a number of NT SOs on this site who can relate to your situation. It is great that you are reaching out to support your fiancé.

Great! Glad I found this site, so I can speak to people that know what I'm going through. It's nice to know that you're not alone. I love my fiancé regardless of what he may have. When you're in love with someone, you fight for them. You care for them. Just love them.

 

[WittyAspie]

Great! Glad I found this site, so I can speak to people that know what I'm going through. It's nice to know that you're not alone. I love my fiancé regardless of what he may have. When you're in love with someone, you fight for them. You care for them. Just love them.

It is great that you know before marriage that your SO has AS. No one on this site will tell you that an NT-AS marriage is easy, but you are approaching it with a great attitude. Marriage is hard work, but it can be very rewarding if you put in the necessary effort. Congratulations on finding someone who is worth fighting for.

 

[WittyAspie]

Great! Glad I found this site, so I can speak to people that know what I'm going through. It's nice to know that you're not alone. I love my fiancé regardless of what he may have. When you're in love with someone, you fight for them. You care for them. Just love them.

Your fiance is a lucky man to have an NT woman with your drive to fight for him.

 

[Tashaheart7]

Your fiance is a lucky man to have an NT woman with your drive to fight for him.

Thanks! Yes it is a challenging, but rewarding relationship that I have. We would always fight. The 4th year til now has been real calm now like we already got use to us and we just accepted it. We became a team over time. He for sure taught me patience. I'm glad he did though. I believe everything happens for a reason and I was meant to be with him. I always knew something was up with him, but I never told him that I knew. I did my research on and off for a year until one day that I came across a Facebook post about a list of symptoms and in the comment section someone said that's Asperger's Syndrome. I looked it up and saw videos of people with AS on YouTube. Bingo. It all made sense. When I told him all this he cried... He said he always knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. Ever since we found out what he has, I've been wanting to get more involved.

 

[Full Steam]

When you're in love with someone, you fight for them. You care for them. Just love them.

I couldn't agree more.

Im lucky in that my NT wife feels the same about me.

What we've found is that we are opposite in many ways which allows us to be strong together, all over (if that makes sense).

Where she's weak, I'm strong and vice versa.

1 aspie + 1 NT = an unstoppable team. Now we have three kids, one Aspie and two undecided as yet.

 

[xudo]

How do you cope knowing that your parents don't want to acknowledge what you have?

Honestly? I just get on with my life. If that's what they want to do, then fine. It does anger me sometimes when I think about it, but I'm an adult and I can decide what's best for me, and their not accepting it won't stop me from getting the help that I need, as the professionals who really know what they're talking about know I have aspergers.

 

[Tashaheart7]

I couldn't agree more.

Im lucky in that my NT wife feels the same about me.

What we've found is that we are opposite in many ways which allows us to be strong together, all over (if that makes sense).

Where she's weak, I'm strong and vice versa.

1 aspie + 1 NT = an unstoppable team. Now we have three kids, one Aspie and two undecided as yet.

Awww. That's great! That's how I feel with my fiancé. I like to think of us as a team. We're stronger together. We do want to have kids in the future. My mom and grandma are both worried about my kids coming out having AS/Schizophrenia. Were you both concerned about having children with AS? If so, how did y'all deal with it?

 

[Full Steam]

Well I only found out i was Aspergers a few months ago, so I didn't know when we had the kids.

If I had known I would certainly have done the same anyway.

From my perspective all my "problems" have been caused by the way society is, and the toxins that we have put in our food & environment.

I'll raise my kids to feel empowered by who they are whatever the shape of their brains, and I absolutely believe that the world needs more empowered autistic people.

Where would we be now if Einsteins upbringing had disempowered him the way many autistic people get disempowered today?


So my advice is do it; build a strong family unit and raise empowered Aspies - they might just change the world.

 

[Merilthel]

Well I only found out i was Aspergers a few months ago, so I didn't know when we had the kids.

If I had known I would certainly have done the same anyway.

From my perspective all my "problems" have been caused by the way society is, and the toxins that we have put in our food & environment.

I'll raise my kids to feel empowered by who they are whatever the shape of their brains, and I absolutely believe that the world needs more empowered autistic people.

Where would we be now if Einsteins upbringing had disempowered him the way many autistic people get disempowered today?


So my advice is do it; build a strong family unit and raise empowered Aspies - they might just change the world.

WoW!! That must have hit ya quite strong... I know it did for me, but at the same time it was a sigh of relieve because I have always known that I was different, and have always wanted it to be that way, but never understood to what extent! Personally for me, I think that the world needs more Aspies in general, because the way society is runnin, it's goin downhill, and we're only watchin!! AT the same time though I think that we need to empower the world with our unique abilities, because to me Asperger is not a disability or a disadvantage, take out the dis in those words and what get's left is ability and advantage... So my advice for y'll is to look at what ya good at and work on that!! I'm with yall!!