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Hi! Some various questions about Aspergers.

S

Sathington Willoughby

Active Member
Howdy everybody, I am starting to look at treatments for aspergers (I understand theres no direct treatment as AS is incurable) I am a bit overwhelmed and don't know where to begin. I was diagnosed as a child and fought the diagnoses, I felt like I was just misunderstood. Recently I have come to terms with my diagnoses and am accepting it, so now where do I begin?

I was told a neurologist would be a good start (My mother for one, would love to see me go see one) turns out one of my friends is a neurologist and she said she didn't think it'd help. I am paranoid that it may lead to more bad than good. Bear with me, I know this is a long post but I'd appreciate anyone taking the time to read. I experience all major symptoms, I have the worst anxiety of anyone I have ever met, this keeps me up at night and I dont usually go to bed before 4am, often seeing the sun before I sleep, I have been extremely depressed and alone feeling my entire life, I have extreme mood swings and can go from 1 to 100 in a matter of seconds (immediately feeling regretful of my outbreaks, this has cost me COUNTLESS friends, most recently my best friend after I tried fighting him) I have WEIRD obsessive habits that I myself find bizarre and can't really explain, the best I can do is try to leave the room when these ticks hit, and they are ticks, they drive me crazy if I don't give in. I often go into "crazy mode" where I cant connect one thought to another without feeling a huge rush of anxiety, it's a bizarre feeling that is usually brought on when I am unexpectedly flustered or confronted. Finally, I am beyond hypersensitive to certain things, its really only certain noises and textures, for example, I hate the feeling of dirt/grit on my hands (I mean HATE the feeling, I used to do yard work for elderly and one thing they all noticed is I washed my hands several times an hour if it involved digging or planting.) People note how much more eccentric I am then others, and people loved that about me growing up, now I feel like its getting old to most. I'm having a hard hard hard time maturing and growing into adulthood. I am 26, and in my head I feel no different than I did when I was 18.

So, now you guys know about my symptoms, where do you think I should start? I have been prescribed to benzodiazepine diazepam before (valium) and stopped taking it, it made me feel sick/high. I've had counselors all through highschool and it just seemed like they were eager to tell you what you want to hear and continue to collect their MASSIVE paychecks, it did me no good.

I smoke some what a lot of marijuana to cope, I feel 'normal' when I am stoned around my friends, I have tried being sober and everyone noticed how weird I got when I stopped smoking. I gave it a year break, smoking only 6-7 times the whole year at random events like concerts, parties, and new years. It was extremely trying and stressful, I have never been more on edge in my life. I lost more than half of my closest friends that year as it became a strain to be around me I assume. I love smoking, I dont ever have that little voice in the back of my head (You are standing awkward, your hair looks messy, your smile looks fake, don't say anything weird! OH NO STOP THINKING SO HARD YOU AREN'T EVEN LISTENING- THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE WEIRD!) I live in a medical marijuana state, I did briefly skim the other thread on the subject, right now thats the only thing I am doing to medicate. So recently I have somewhat lost a connection to marijuana. Without it is tough, I haven't smoked in 2 days and I am extremely anxious and I didn't sleep last night. I dont tend to eat much without it too, which I understand is probably a side effect of not smoking. SO its a bit of a reminder that I have a problem, which is why I am here. Should I try getting a medical card for this, has anyone had any experience with this? I live in Massachusetts, they seem to be a bit more lenient than other states. I've been smoking pot for 11 years, I don't get FREAK OUT high like a lot of other users seemed to have been reporting, I don't overindulge unless its an occasion such as a concert or party either (By that I mean I only smoke 2 large hits at a time, then come back to it as needed much later on in the day)

Any other advice would be appreciated, this is the THIRD forum site I have joined in hopes of meeting some others that share a similar struggle. I have only told 1 person ever I had AS and he never talked to me again. It was kind of funny moment, he thought I was coming out of the closet at first- "What- you're gay?" haha nope. Just the most socially awkward eccentric person you'll meet. :D Thanks again, and if anyone feels compelled to pick my brain on here or privately, feel free to shoot me a message! Thanks to everyone that took the time to read this post!
 
Hi, and welcome to Aspiescentral :)

It's quite true that AS can't be cured, but there's a lot of side-effects that often can be looked into. You describe anxiety, and go on about a list of meds that made you sick. I guess that's the side effects kicking in and at some point it becomes a matter of choosing the better of two evils. Anxiety of feeling sick from the meds to surpress it.

Besides, comorbid issues are a thing with Asperger's, ranging from OCD to anxiety to AD(H)D. What you can wonder is how much it really breaks down your quality of life, and if medication will actually improve said quality. Certain AS related traits are hard to take care of, and they're often a core to why people have certain issues going on. And that's something I feel a lot of therapists do not understand. Especially if you consider that if you get down to the basics, your brain is not like a "normal" brain... it's a neurological thing, it's wired differently. A lot of therapists think that because someone with a normal brain (a neurotypical person) can overcome anxiety with meds, it can't be any different for the non-neurotypical people.

I tend to overanalyze myself and that clearly adds to some more paranoid thoughts about myself, but it also grants me some insights and perspectives to where my issues exactly lie. If you're suffering from anxiety, you might want to think what the core of it is. And that goes for all situations. I'm quite sure a therapist will give you a similar advice/approach as this. It seems counter-productive to treat any problems someone has, if they're not aware of the "why" and "how" of said triggers and problems. I mean; I can take meds for anxiety, but if I have triggering anxiety over something that's so specific, it's better to see if that can be changed, rather than stick with the situation and just add more meds.

I'm using anxiety as an example a lot, but I think it applies to most problems someone has (unless they're of a disassociative nature I guess... that in general makes thinking clear a lot harder, heh)
 
Hi there, and welcome to the site!

I too have problems with being anxious and, while I don't take any medication in the past 5 years, I have also felt the bad of them, with the biggest effect that I've felt is just being a zombie around everyone.
 
Welcome, Primus connoisseur!

After having searched various online forums myself for a place of understanding and finally having stumbled upon this place, I'm sure you'll enjoy conversing with the people here. What King Oni and Explosition Rooster said about anxiety/general symptom triggers and medicating is very sound advice.

Hope we'll get to talk more again soon, good night bud :)
 
Sathington Willoughby said:
So have I already been banned or suspended or somthing? the last few posts I have made to this thread have not been posted. :sticky_confused:
Click to expand...

Nope... I can't seen any posts you made except for the 2 posts in this thread... and I should be able to see them as a moderator. I should also be aware of any suspensions... and those are not the case either.
 
My problem with the thought processes going awry was helped with Zoloft. It was prescribed for depression, but I'm not really depressed. I just give the appearance of it. I tend to overthink things I don't understand at first. A few hours later I'll arrive at an appropriate response. I'm quite good in controlled situations but if surprised by a question or remark I don't "get" my mind will turn white (like an empty whiteboard).
Over the years I've conditioned myself to respond with some standard counters such as, "let's talk about that later." Then when my mind clears I go find the person and try to mend the fence.
The reality is that we aspies are an underprivileged minority. We have to work hard to interface with the rest of the world.
I want to encourage you to forget the neurologist. A knowledgeable counselor can help you learn to understand and cope with various social situations. There are a finite number of types of situations for which we can play act appropriate responses. Just memorize and forget about it feeling phony. It's just like learning a foreign language. You'll be pleasantly surprised how far these set responses can go in getting and keeping friends.
My NT wife has been my counselor in this way, so I know it works.
All that said, at age 69, I'm still blindsided when I least expect it. We learn how to accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can.
 
Thanks for the tips! So, I didn't mention this before, but I haven't had a job in over 6 years, thats part of the reason I am starting to really freak out. I have had steady jobs before, I was kicked out of my parents house for nearly a year when I was 18 and I never snapped back, it was a really terrible experience. I need some sort of strategy for being more comfortable in my own skin. I cant make it past an interview for this reason. The person doing the interview can see I am uncomfortable and that is a MAJOR red flag. I hate looking people in the eye, I never realized till my 20's people tend to think you are lying when you don't look someone in the eye. That alone made me seem suspicious a lot as a child, I think I looked at my feet for the first 12 years of my life whenever I talked to someone. I am extremely broke right now, I have lost 14 lbs in the last 10 days because I can't afford to eat, I desperately need a job!
 
Sathington Willoughby said:
Thanks for the tips! So, I didn't mention this before, but I haven't had a job in over 6 years, thats part of the reason I am starting to really freak out. I have had steady jobs before, I was kicked out of my parents house for nearly a year when I was 18 and I never snapped back, it was a really terrible experience. I need some sort of strategy for being more comfortable in my own skin. I cant make it past an interview for this reason. The person doing the interview can see I am uncomfortable and that is a MAJOR red flag. I hate looking people in the eye, I never realized till my 20's people tend to think you are lying when you don't look someone in the eye. That alone made me seem suspicious a lot as a child, I think I looked at my feet for the first 12 years of my life whenever I talked to someone. I am extremely broke right now, I have lost 14 lbs in the last 10 days because I can't afford to eat, I desperately need a job!
Click to expand...

I work in the computer business and I swear, 50% of my colleagues are Aspies, have ADHD and other spectrumness -- or at least they have "hints of it". I'm not saying they may all be disabled, but the acceptance of people being different are high!

That said I think there are businesses where being an awkward Aspie are more acceptable than in other businesses. The computer business being one of them.

If you feel that you definitely will not get a job because you are different... perhaps you should try to tell them about your diagnose? I mean if you really know they'll reject you... perhaps they can understand better... worst case scenario they will treat you differently but give you a job -- which you can later change...

If you have a diagnose, don't you have some kind of help from your state? Starving to death due to Aspergers seems rather ghastly...
 
I'm living with my parents and my household income is about 800 bucks a week if that, we're barely squeaking by, but no we cannot take advantage of say food stamps, don't think I'd want to anyway. I agree with what you said about computers, (I remember that was a common trait with people with AS is they tend to excel with computers) I was a WIZ KID with computers growing up, all my extracurricular classes were computer classes, I've thought about that, but I have NO (zero) schooling and like I said I haven't had a job in 6 years so thats keeping 95% of the places I apply from ever talking to me.
 
The thing with employment has a number of challenges for us. There is a lot of socializing during which business is transacted within the larger companies. Some of the cues are quite subtle making it difficult for us to understand. This is not to say we can't work, just that it requires learning and concentrating on social skills, such as the "small talk" and parrying subtle sarcasm by co-workers who are all trying make themselves look better no matter who they hurt. Sarcasm is used as a sword to pierce a persons confidence and reduce him to an emotional wreck. We can withstand it when we understand what is happening, why, and that they do it to everyone, not just us. We need to condition ourselves to react in a way that appears strong and confident.
That said, you personally need to find a way to get some education in a field you like that will lead to employment. Employers will forget your six years of unemployment if you tell them you "went back to school" to learn what they are hiring you for. There are companies in Europe that seek out Aspies with high IQ's and a lot of education. Even with an average IQ, education is the key.
At 26, its time for you to get out of your comfort zone and venture out. Go to social services or whatever they have in Mass. and tell them you are unemployed and need to get some education. Ask them for grants or assistance. Don't tell anyone you are AS. They don't need to know.
Staying with your parents is the most economical strategy and is becoming very common in this bad economy.
Finally, no matter how good it makes you feel, pot is only a temporary and quite negative solution. Many employers test for drugs and many more will release you for smoking if they find out. Personal experience is that the negatives outweigh the positives over the long run.
While I am not a doctor, my personal experience is that some anti-depressants make me feel like a zombie, but Zoloft did not. It helped me be able to mentally focus better.
Please let me know how you are doing and if there is anything else I can advise you.
 
If you can't make yourself stop all use of marijuana I believe you should get permission to use it medically. At least that way, you won't be arrested for use or possession. That would only complicate your life further.
 
smoking marijauna isnt going to help, treating the symptoms and not the problem itself. it can make things get worse in the long run.
i had terrible social anxiety and was afraid to go into mcdonald to order a hamburger when in my early twenties. but i made myself do it, and after a while you just get used to it. you can do things in steps. if you cant look someone in the eye, and i find it hard and awkward too, just throw a look in the eyes for one second, the next time, two seconds...
learn to relax when you're at home. imagine you're on a job interview, feel the anxiety and then make it subside, deep breaths, that kind of thing. practice at home over and over again, it can help. you can control your anxiety, feel better in a job interview, and get a job.
maybe you should try a job interview in a small place, where people are more calm and not so intimidating. i used to be out of my mind in job interviews, but now i hardly find it intimidating anymore. if i can do it, so can you.
good luck to you!
 
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