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Help NTs understand themselves and us

Thinx said:
Yes I can see how it may seem like a trick, to us who are more direct, and added to that we may be feeling general confusion in the interaction. And lots of other stressful stuff, as you note here. What you are doing towards your recovery sounds awesome and difficult, huge respect to you.

However I am still wary of us falling into the trap of negatively labelling what the other group does, in this case NTs. We are frustrated and distressed at being labelled unfeeling, unempathic and so on, which happens because we are not understood. Similarly it's hard for us to understand their ways and why they have evolved. We are different. Not lesser. They are different, not lesser.
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I have to be very careful to ascribe my resentment to the proper recipients.
I must remind myself that it is not NT's that I resent, detest.
It is very easy to fall into that trap.

The real cause, and fair recipients of my scorn, are those that detach from empathy to achieve some selfish goal.
Hurting indiscriminately for their own pleasure.
Them.
It is them.

I vow to educate them, or end them.
Word.

Call me Rikki Tikki Tavi.
I, am a cobra hunter.
I have the bone pile to prove it.

sidd
 
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Whilst it's delivered with your exemplary sense of humour @sidd851 you do make an excellent point. We focus on communications between ND & NT but the real problem is not our neural status, but how we choose to use the tools we have at our disposal.
If it is indeed true (though doubted by many) that NTs have higher functional empathy than those of us on the spectrum, it is those who choose not to exercise that empathy that we have problems with. Those who take the time to think and understand are far better communicators than those who do not. Those who exhibit cruelty for the purpose of self advancement deserve all the wrath that comes their way, NT or ND.
In essence we should not judge NTs as a whole, because it is only those who choose to be ignorant or unwilling to make the effort that we have difficulties with. Wise, wise words.
Top marks for obscure children's fiction references btw ;)
 
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Since discovering I'm on the spectrum, I've been giving a lot of thought about all of my particular struggles throughout life. And I think about my current struggles, some of which are the same, but most of which are vastly different from and a lot more challenging than my past struggles. This makes sense of course because my life changed a lot and got more complicated since my late 20's.

I've come to understand that much of my struggles with being ND is that my mind overwhelms me. I don't mean it necessarily in a bad way though, because it's not bad all the time. I just happen to have a very acute awareness of the often bizarre, sometimes maddening, brilliant, and haphazard workings of my brain.

This overwhelm is a big part of what makes it too difficult for me to interact with others, but especially with NT's, because when I'm around them I am even more aware of how much my brain is (over)working.

My brain almost never organizes effectively. It almost never prioritizes things appropriately. It thinks of really interesting, novel things. It always works to make mundane things a lot more interesting and novel, or a lot less mundane. It tries to protect itself from multiple annoying stimuli. It can get completely carried away quite often if I don't physically do something to stop it from doing so. It holds me like an unwilling prisoner sometimes, but then other times I don't want to leave it because it's comforting, safe, and exciting all at once.

It physically exhausts me. It's with me until I die; I am learning to accept that this has always been and always will be my reality, and I can adjust some things if necessary. I can't, and shouldn't, fight my brain when I'm unable to adjust; it's best to be patient and compassionate with myself.
 
sidd851 said:
I have to be very careful to ascribe my resentment to the proper recipients.
I must remind myself that it is not NT's that I resent, detest.
It is very easy to fall into that trap.

The real cause, and fair recipients of my scorn, are those that detach from empathy to achieve some selfish goal.
Hurting indiscriminately for their own pleasure.
Them.
It is them.

I vow to educate them, or end them.
Word.

Call me Rikki Tikki Tavi.
I, am a cobra hunter.
I have the bone pile to prove it.

sidd
Click to expand...

:D
 
sidd851 said:
Thank you, LucyPurrs.
I appreciate your support and friendship.
I'm indebted, to you, for your patience and kindness,
and, especially, for all that you've taught me.

We gotta get together...
:)
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I hope we will, I could say the same about you :) but you give me way too much credit!!! I would enjoy getting to know you better, you have a wise side that is very appealing! So when it's comfortable lets talk.
 
LucyPurrs said:
I hope we will, I could say the same about you :) but you give me way too much credit!!! I would enjoy getting to know you better, you have a wise side that is very appealing! So when it's comfortable lets talk.
Click to expand...
;):)
 
sidd851 said:
I have to be very careful to ascribe my resentment to the proper recipients.
I must remind myself that it is not NT's that I resent, detest.
It is very easy to fall into that trap.

The real cause, and fair recipients of my scorn, are those that detach from empathy to achieve some selfish goal.
Hurting indiscriminately for their own pleasure.
Them.
It is them.

I vow to educate them, or end them.
Word.

Call me Rikki Tikki Tavi.
I, am a cobra hunter.
I have the bone pile to prove it.

sidd
Click to expand...

I have been wondering frequently of late whether it would be possible to treat normal by isolating and suppressing the part(s) of the brain that forms and reinforces group identity. Maybe if we start off by suggesting this new treatment could be used to help violent extremist reintegrate into society...

*edited to clarify I'm not suggesting normal = violent extremism. If the ability to perceive groups is essentially removed from a violent extremist however, my perception is they may lay down their weapons.
 
Growing up with an extremely abusive verbose parent, who turned insignificant events into tirades because he was extremely insecure, l learned not to take any emotion directed to me from NT's or anybody as a personal affront, helped me not internalize slights whether intentional or not, though l had to relearn this excellent skill recently at a customer service job recently dealing with highly entitled pieces of shittake.
 
sidd851 said:
I have to be very careful to ascribe my resentment to the proper recipients.
I must remind myself that it is not NT's that I resent, detest.
It is very easy to fall into that trap.

The real cause, and fair recipients of my scorn, are those that detach from empathy to achieve some selfish goal.
Hurting indiscriminately for their own pleasure.
Them.
It is them.

I vow to educate them, or end them.
Word.

Call me Rikki Tikki Tavi.
I, am a cobra hunter.
I have the bone pile to prove it.

sidd
Click to expand...
Check out the dark triad: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad

I'm pretty sure this is what you're talking about. Same here. Only I prefer to be called a "troll eater," lol.
 
rollerskate said:
Check out the dark triad: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad

I'm pretty sure this is what you're talking about. Same here. Only I prefer to be called a "troll eater," lol.
Click to expand...
Yes. It took me some time to figure this all out.
I knew what I was hunting, before, but I ascribed it.. well,
incorrectly.
So, while it was a matter of nomenclature,
I still...
I was wrong.
It is a distinction that is now crystal clear.

I've always known the prey.
Now I know what to call them.
 
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