sycolution
Member
My wife is at the end of her rope and I'm to blame. I'm an Aspie and in recent years have made great progress in becoming more sociably capable, thanks completely to my wife and her struggling to make me a better person. Unfortunately, this has taken a huge toll on her psyche and a few times over the last couple of years, she has exploded with self hatred, despair, and a sense of loneliness, for lack of better phrasing. She constantly thinks that her struggles are all her fault, and the masses of information online about how "aspies can't change" and "you should change the way you view certain things" is not helping because it's making her think that she's the one with the problem. I know she loves me and she wants to stay with me but she is caught between her own mental health and her love for me. What I want isn't a magic fix, I want advice on what I can do to support the woman who has devoted her life to supporting me.
Last night I had discovered that I passed my last class at university (I came back to uni to finish my bachelors degree at the encouragement of my wife, both of us giving up full time jobs in Japan) and I thought "I'll play a joke, make it seem like I failed...this should be funny," so I did. I looked at her with a serious face saying "I'm sorry..." waited a few moments and said "I only got a 5" (my uni marks 1-7, 7 being the highest, 4 being a pass) and for a few seconds she was really happy, but then she turned dark, saying that that was cruel because I made her question the entire reason she came to Australia with me, I made her think that the 8 months we have spent her have been a complete waste and her struggles have been for naught. She told me last night through tears that she wants me to ask how she is more often and to support her mentally more, rather than just hugging her and saying "I love you" and that she knows that in a week I'm going to forget this trauma and be back to not paying attention to her, just playing around online, watching youtube and the like. I'm afraid she's right...I'm afraid that I will forget her pain, just like I have in the past. I need advice on how to keep the memory of the need for betterment fresh in my head. The desire to be better for her at the forefront of my mind. I also want advice on how to treat her more like what she wants from people who might have cracked the code to NT needs for support.
TL;DR
Help me, an Aspie, by telling me how to support my NT wife psychologically.
Last night I had discovered that I passed my last class at university (I came back to uni to finish my bachelors degree at the encouragement of my wife, both of us giving up full time jobs in Japan) and I thought "I'll play a joke, make it seem like I failed...this should be funny," so I did. I looked at her with a serious face saying "I'm sorry..." waited a few moments and said "I only got a 5" (my uni marks 1-7, 7 being the highest, 4 being a pass) and for a few seconds she was really happy, but then she turned dark, saying that that was cruel because I made her question the entire reason she came to Australia with me, I made her think that the 8 months we have spent her have been a complete waste and her struggles have been for naught. She told me last night through tears that she wants me to ask how she is more often and to support her mentally more, rather than just hugging her and saying "I love you" and that she knows that in a week I'm going to forget this trauma and be back to not paying attention to her, just playing around online, watching youtube and the like. I'm afraid she's right...I'm afraid that I will forget her pain, just like I have in the past. I need advice on how to keep the memory of the need for betterment fresh in my head. The desire to be better for her at the forefront of my mind. I also want advice on how to treat her more like what she wants from people who might have cracked the code to NT needs for support.
TL;DR
Help me, an Aspie, by telling me how to support my NT wife psychologically.