Ilovehimso
New Member
Hi there. I have a lot of background to give before I ask my question, so please bear with me.
I am a 20 year old female dating an aspie 24 year old male. I'm not on the spectrum, but he thinks it's possible that I am and just very high functioning. Or at least a Savant.
Aside from that, I've had countless struggles myself including diagnosed depression, anxiety, addiction, EDNOS, PTSD, and ADD, so I try to be understanding with him because I know a lot of things just aren't in his control.
(But sometimes this is really hard and I'll get to that more later)
I've been fighting my entire life with my illnesses causing me misery and it's finally been getting good. I'm on the right meds, I've reconciled with my family, and I'm addiction free.
And I finally have a healthy romantic relationship.
He's the one who steered me on this path of recovery.
Let me tell you what I love about him.
He's so genuine and honest nearly to a fault. He has a pure and moral heart, his honesty is good natured. He never has intent to harm, and goes out of his way to ensure he hasn't harmed.
He cares so much about my emotional state. He's always doing what he can to make me happy and comfortable. And somehow he always knows when I'm upset even though he's completely obvious to most other social cues.
He takes care of me, but also lets me take care of him.
He has so many cute quirks and for whatever reason I just feel whole knowing every little detail and being able to make him comfortable when there's so many sensations that irk him.
He's my tall, thin yet cuddly, sci-fi loving dork.
Although he can be kinda corny he's incredibly sweet and passionate and loves every part of me, even the ugly ones and thinks it's all beautiful anyway. He's dedicated and loyal, and gives his all into loving me.
He shares a majority of my beliefs and hobbies, and introduces me into new beliefs and hobbies. And I'm really stubborn. And he's also demisexual just like me.
I want to marry this man one day. He makes me push myself to be a better person, he makes me want to greet this world I once thought was so scary and explore it with him.
I just worry that he may be hurting and I just don't know. He's very selfless, always taking care of everyone but himself.
Lately we've been fighting a lot. Fights are typical for us, we yell but we don't insult. We almost always work things out, but we're both so stubborn and intense the fights tend to escalate before that happens. He's also very quick to start yelling, but 90% of the time he doesn't realize he's yelling and denies it when multiple people confirm that he is indeed yelling.
When we talked it out today he let me know that he cracks easily under pressure and he tries not to, and the game we were playing was triggering that bad, and that he's been working on it.
Every single time it's the same problem. Something he does upsets me, I let him know what it is, and then he begins to info dump and explain why he did what he did.
I will admit I have a bad temper. Most days I find his rambling cute and intriguing, but my patience is nearly non existent when I'm mad. I've been working on that myself but it's still hard.
But long story short all I want at that point is an apology.
We do eventually work these things out, but I'd like to prevent them without ignoring the issue at hand.
So, how likely is it that these fights are actually tearing him up on the inside and he's just staying quiet about it?
Also, what could I be doing that's majorly making this worse? Is there anything I can do that I'm missing that could help?
I am a 20 year old female dating an aspie 24 year old male. I'm not on the spectrum, but he thinks it's possible that I am and just very high functioning. Or at least a Savant.
Aside from that, I've had countless struggles myself including diagnosed depression, anxiety, addiction, EDNOS, PTSD, and ADD, so I try to be understanding with him because I know a lot of things just aren't in his control.
(But sometimes this is really hard and I'll get to that more later)
I've been fighting my entire life with my illnesses causing me misery and it's finally been getting good. I'm on the right meds, I've reconciled with my family, and I'm addiction free.
And I finally have a healthy romantic relationship.
He's the one who steered me on this path of recovery.
Let me tell you what I love about him.
He's so genuine and honest nearly to a fault. He has a pure and moral heart, his honesty is good natured. He never has intent to harm, and goes out of his way to ensure he hasn't harmed.
He cares so much about my emotional state. He's always doing what he can to make me happy and comfortable. And somehow he always knows when I'm upset even though he's completely obvious to most other social cues.
He takes care of me, but also lets me take care of him.
He has so many cute quirks and for whatever reason I just feel whole knowing every little detail and being able to make him comfortable when there's so many sensations that irk him.
He's my tall, thin yet cuddly, sci-fi loving dork.
Although he can be kinda corny he's incredibly sweet and passionate and loves every part of me, even the ugly ones and thinks it's all beautiful anyway. He's dedicated and loyal, and gives his all into loving me.
He shares a majority of my beliefs and hobbies, and introduces me into new beliefs and hobbies. And I'm really stubborn. And he's also demisexual just like me.
I want to marry this man one day. He makes me push myself to be a better person, he makes me want to greet this world I once thought was so scary and explore it with him.
I just worry that he may be hurting and I just don't know. He's very selfless, always taking care of everyone but himself.
Lately we've been fighting a lot. Fights are typical for us, we yell but we don't insult. We almost always work things out, but we're both so stubborn and intense the fights tend to escalate before that happens. He's also very quick to start yelling, but 90% of the time he doesn't realize he's yelling and denies it when multiple people confirm that he is indeed yelling.
When we talked it out today he let me know that he cracks easily under pressure and he tries not to, and the game we were playing was triggering that bad, and that he's been working on it.
Every single time it's the same problem. Something he does upsets me, I let him know what it is, and then he begins to info dump and explain why he did what he did.
I will admit I have a bad temper. Most days I find his rambling cute and intriguing, but my patience is nearly non existent when I'm mad. I've been working on that myself but it's still hard.
But long story short all I want at that point is an apology.
We do eventually work these things out, but I'd like to prevent them without ignoring the issue at hand.
So, how likely is it that these fights are actually tearing him up on the inside and he's just staying quiet about it?
Also, what could I be doing that's majorly making this worse? Is there anything I can do that I'm missing that could help?
