Hello

[Curious1981]

Hello, all. I am new to this site. I am not on the spectrum. I am seeing someone. He has 2 sons. One has Aspergers. I would love any and all information you can give me. I want to know about It, dos and donts, etc. We are talking about taking our relationship to the next step and I don't want to say or do anything that is not ok. I also want to have a relationship with his sons. Thank y'all so much in advance for your help.

 

[tree]

 

[NeoPhile]

Welcome, Curious 1981.
As far as your question, I found it rather general. In what regard? I could literally talk all day about autism. I guess a good place to start off is that ASD's are a developmental disorder, and it affects social skills. Aspies learn social skills intellectually and do not pick them up intuitively the way neurotypicals do. Aspies have a hard time multi-tasking, they have the tendency to get obsessed with things, they're easily overloaded if they have to do a lot of different tasks day in and day out, and they tend to be less emotional and more logical than nuerotypicals. They have a hard time interacting with lots of people day in and day out. It's been proven that many engineers have aspergers. It really fits the stereotype of the unsociable engineer who would rather design things than work with people. Your boyfriend's son is just an engineer type person. That's all aspergers means. (Also, some autistics have delayed speech development, e. g. they don't say their first word until they're three or four.) Autistic spectrum people can be engineers, computer programmers, college professors, and many other successful professions. They tend to have above-average I. Q.'s and have sensitivity issues with light, sound, and touch. Some of them have very little sensitivity to pain.
If you have any other specific questions, don't hesitate to ask.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[Curious1981]

Thank you for your response. As far as meeting him, could you guide me in dos and donts. Things I shouldn't say. What are some activities my daughter or I could do with him to help him feel at ease? I really just want to learn everything I can. I've rented some books from the library as well.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Hello!

I think it's great that you're wanting to connect to his kids.

Children - and adults for that matter since they grow up to be adults with Asperger's - can come across in various different ways, they are all different. Some can come across as being a bit odd but they try their best to talk to you, others might come across erroneously as pompous, and others are just aloof and don't want much to do with other people. There are other types but that's how most can come across as. You're going to have to figure out which one this child mostly is. If you figure that out then we can help you understand and connect more with him.

The key thing to understand though is that autistic people can have problems connecting to others. They might not know how to start a connection and they might not know how to reciprocate affection. So they can come across as maybe cold at times. Most won't give you as much love as a regular child however when they do it's means that much more.

There is various literature on the subject if you want to go deeper. The bible that everyone always refers to is Tony Attwood's 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome'.

Hello from us all!

 

[Curious1981]

Thank You, Southern Discomfort. I am not sure what type he is, but I am learning. I actually did rent some books from the library, and Tony Attwood's 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' is one of them. I will do some reading and if I have questions, which I'm sure I will, I'll let y'all know. Thank you so much for answering.