Hello, my intro

[Sarsaparilla]

Hello everyone,
This is my first post here. I'm a woman in my 40s and was diagnosed with Asperger's earlier this year. I'm struggling a bit with everything at the moment. It feels like I've regressed and my social skills are worse than they were 20 years ago.

To give a brief history, I was bullied at school, but as an older teenager and in my twenties I drank a lot and used drugs in social situations, and because of that I appeared more normal although I still had various social problems and a tendancy to meltdown while drunk. It felt like my social skills had improved, and they had to an extent but a lot of the problems were masked by drink.At the age of 28, I had a massive breakdown and spent my thirties battling mental illness (depression mostly and was diagnosed with a personality disorder). My drinking stopped working as a social lubricant and spiralled into addiction.

I've now stopped drinking and generally live a healthy lifestyle with a good diet and exercise and as a result, my depression is much better now. The problem is that without the crutch of alcohol, my social skills are basically as horrible as they were at age 15 and my social anxiety has got worse and worse. I hate feeling like a gauche teenager in my forties. Most people think I'm in my twenties as I am so quiet and look a lot younger than I am. I'm able to work now, but don't have a family and have few friends.

Getting the diagnosis of Asperger's has helped me understand myself and has been a huge relief in a lot of ways but I still feel like I'm not coping very well. I'm posting here because I hope that getting to know other people with Asperger's might help.

Thanks for reading this.

 

[Ereth]

Welcome!

You mentioned depression---are you getting professional help? You can talk through your social anxiety with your doctor, if you have one.

We'll be here for you too, of course.

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard. I can identify with the feelings of "regressing". It's a roller coaster for certain. Glad to have you around

 

[Sarsaparilla]

Thank you for the replies and the beautiful picture, Rocco - I love watching the sun set over the sea

Yes I am getting professional help for the depression, Ereth, it was the psychiatrist I was seeing for that who diagnosed me with Asperger's. I generally manage it OK these days, exercise helps a lot, but this time of year can be hard.

 

[The Penguin]

Nice to have you join. Take advantage of our great resources and wonderful people we have here.

 

[Cali Cat]

Greetings, Sarsaparilla. Might I assume from your profile pic that you are a fellow cat lover?

It feels like I've regressed and my social skills are worse than they were 20 years ago.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. You would think Aspies would improve their skills with age through experience, but I seem to have regressed as well. I'm 52.

I was bullied at school, but as an older teenager and in my twenties I drank a lot and used drugs in social situations, and because of that I appeared more normal

Sounds familiar. I drank a lot in my late teens/early twenties, too, and became quite the mean little b*tch. People didn't bully me anymore because I'd fight anyone when I was drunk.

Most people think I'm in my twenties as I am so quiet and look a lot younger than I am.

I've read this a lot about Aspie women. Don't know how true it is generally, but they say we appear young for our age.

Anyway ... welcome, and hope you enjoy yourself here!

 

[Flinty]

To give a brief history, I was bullied at school, but as an older teenager and in my twenties I drank a lot and used drugs in social situations, and because of that I appeared more normal although I still had various social problems and a tendancy to meltdown while drunk. It felt like my social skills had improved, and they had to an extent but a lot of the problems were masked by drink.At the age of 28, I had a massive breakdown and spent my thirties battling mental illness (depression mostly and was diagnosed with a personality disorder). My drinking stopped working as a social lubricant and spiralled into addiction.

I've now stopped drinking and generally live a healthy lifestyle with a good diet and exercise and as a result, my depression is much better now. The problem is that without the crutch of alcohol, my social skills are basically as horrible as they were at age 15 and my social anxiety has got worse and worse. I hate feeling like a gauche teenager in my forties. Most people think I'm in my twenties as I am so quiet and look a lot younger than I am. I'm able to work now, but don't have a family and have few friends.

Getting the diagnosis of Asperger's has helped me understand myself and has been a huge relief in a lot of ways but I still feel like I'm not coping very well. I'm posting here because I hope that getting to know other people with Asperger's might help.

This sounds much too similar to the story of my life. When I figure things out, the world will know (and so should you).

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

It's never too late to develop new skills. This place is a good play to start building more confidence in social situations, as our members are quiet friendly, and supportive. Perhaps it will help you in one day transferring said skills in to everyday life; or at the very least, provide you with a new network of online friends. I've added a few links below, which may be of interest to you.

Books on AS:
Resources | AspiesCentral.com

An excellent guide for women in the spectrum (a great introductory social guide):
Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

 

[Peace]

Hi and welcome,
Getting to know people here should help, it helped me. I live in an isolated area, and after I discovered I had Aspergers I thought that I was the only one on earth who had it. Although I don't know anybody in my physical life that has it, I know many on here and have come to think of them as my friends. My best friends even. I can talk about anything and I get support. I can count on my friends here to be respectful and honest, just as you will be able to.
This is a good place and it is safe. Enjoy it and welcome to self discovery, it is awesome.

 

[Sarsaparilla]

Thanks again all for the replies and the nice welcomes.

Greetings, Sarsaparilla. Might I assume from your profile pic that you are a fellow cat lover?

Oh yes definitely, I love cats!! I just have the one boy at the moment, he's blue, hence the picture.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. You would think Aspies would improve their skills with age through experience, but I seem to have regressed as well. I'm 52.

I wonder if much research has been done on the experience of older Aspies and how common this is. I haven't come across much in my reading so far, but there's much more for me to read (which makes me happy ). My father probably had Asperger's and his social skills improved in later life, probably retiring and having less pressure helped. I wonder if our skills fluctuate through life depending on the environment, stress, sensory issues, numerous other factors, unlike neurotypicals who perhaps have a more steady upward trajectory of improvement. In my case my current employment doesn't help at all, it's a sensory nightmare of an open-plan office populated by loud people discussing their social lives.

This sounds much too similar to the story of my life. When I figure things out, the world will know (and so should you).

Please do let me know when you figure it all out