Having trouble with managing my OCD

[Matthew Behnke]

Hello there, I have autism and OCD, I currently learn Russian mainly because I talk to people online in the language and use Russian social media, I personally feel like this has kept me active in the language in the best way possible.

I however, struggle and sometimes doubt myself when I do something wrong in the language or I come across comments online or resources in the language, some people say that they learned Russian in less than a year or more just by watching channels online in Russian on Youtube or by listening to music.

Personally, I am not bad at reading Cyrillic at all and it is easy for me to recognize each letter fast without thinking about it, though I had OCD about the fact my handwritten cursive was not good and it made me feel a little down because of that, I am really bad at printing English and its probably not as good as my print Cyrillic and I struggle staying on the lines in my native print.

When I tried to learn cursive in School only using English, I forgot at least 95% or more of my knowledge, I don't remember my English cursive at all and despite my cursive in Russian not being good, I know at least a couple or more letters written in that format compared to English.

I also read online its very necessary to know how to effectively write cursive in the language since its the majority of their handwriting, the only problem was that the book I read said in written format its cursive but gave a lack of direction on how to write it.

Sometimes I get hurt when people try to say how they knew more Russian in a certain amount of months or only in a year, or just try to say how they managed to do this or that, I have nothing against people who learn a language but it kind of upsets me or makes me question if I am good or not.

Normally I am fine using social media for Russian, only randomly do I ever come across Youtube videos in Russian, and I can probably understand half or more of the comments Russians make in Cyrillic.

I have thought about the idea of trying to watch videos in Russian through Youtube, I have only been exposed to hard bass and other musics through social media streams, but I often have trouble thinking about making playlists or subscribing to Youtubers because I am a little shy.

Same with music as well, there are definitely artists and music you can find in that language but the problem is finding ones, VK has a feature where you can listen to music for free, especially from Russia, but I have only used VK a lot for socialization such as checking on the girl I like.

I personally want to do all this stuff but I don't know if I should or not, I feel nervous to make a choice because of my OCD, autism, and other disabilities that make it hard for me socially and mentally, but at the same time, I want to stay positive.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Hi Matthew and welcome to this forum which is a good place to be as the members are friendly and supportive.

Personally, I think you are doing amazing by learning two difficult languages so hope you will give yourself credit for doing so. I gather that neither English nor Russian is your native language- where do you live?
I have a Brazilian friend who's colloquial English was learned from playing computer games and his is almost better than mine and I'm a native speaker. So it's entirely possible to do what you are attempting and good for you to be doing it so early on in your life. So keep up the good work and try not to worry so much.

 

[Fino]

There are over six billion people in the world.

Feeling bad because of a few you happen to encounter is arbitrary.

There are millions of others that would make you feel even worse and millions that would make you feel better.

So in the end, all comparison is illogical and silly.

Just do what you want in the way you want it, and that's enough. Everything you're doing is enough.
You.
Are.
Enough.

 

[Monachopia]

I was born in Moscow and know Russian somewhat. Thing is, yes you can learn a language in a year, but to master it - takes far, far longer. Russian is actually quite a difficult language to learn and honestly, I bet I would hardly understand those people who boasted about learning it within a few months to a year. They'd have some basics down, but that's it.
I moved away 23 years ago, and struggled a lot to learn the written language building blocks. The grammar is actually very difficult. I commend your wanting to learn cursive - you are right, it is how everyone there writes, no one writes print block letters like in English. Well done for persevering!

You can indeed watch some videos in Russian to get the "real" language and it will improve your skills. I always notice when I watch something in Spanish, I remember words and phrases and they stick in my head more. There is a humour channel +100500 (below) which is actually pretty funny, and if you have some grasp on Russian already you might pick up some slang which is how people actually speak (of course this also has a lot of swearing!).

Learning a new language is never a waste of time, it's a fantastic thing to do at your age as it will stick in your brain far easier than if you were 20+. Human ability to learn new things severely declines with age, so I'd say don't question it and learn as much as you can!

Also for easier Russian - aimed at kids (up to your age I watched stuff like this, to be honest still love the old movies) : Кино Детям


AdamThomasMoran

 

[Pats]

Hi Matthew. I think it's great what you are doing. I agree with @Fino. You should never compare yourself to others. While you are looking at a few that you think are better at it than you, there are millions that aren't able to do it at all. Talents and skills are individual. Look at all the great artists - they all have their own techniques and does it really matter how long it took any of them to master their talents? I think when someone says they've learned something in a year, it means they stopped at that point and haven't continued with it and will never truly master it. Keep going - master it.

 

[tducey]

Just be yourself and you'll be fine. Comparing yourself to others is only something that will end up stressing you out.