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Have you ever desired someone and it is wrong?

lovely_darlingprettybaby

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Like maybe even thinking they are hot and not knowing why.
Or thinking they are just lovely and a great catch sometimes even when you are not the same and see their bad sides.
I have no idea why I feel this way..I cannot explain it and I hate it and it breaks my heart a lot.
Because it is not right. And I kind of feel stupid feeling this way and wonder if it is even rational but scared it is
And feel like my life will just be wrecked because of it
And have wrecked their life
And cannot seem to connect with them on a platonic level and wish I had not met them this way because does the road it may not be the same.
It is hard I love them so much but do not want romantic or sexual with them
But I so care and it has wrecked my life because I want to see them one day and run into their arms but I think the stupid I do not understand romantic feelings have ruined everything and I think they are mad at me and so not love me in a platonic way.
So idk
Because I would see them in a garden or park one day and run into their arms and then what?
How does the relationship work then?
Can't be romantic so how does it go normal what if we do not love the same but I still want them to grab me in their arms and spin me round
And then hopefully I can work out a normal relationship because I do not understand why the romantic feelings happened but wonder if they were waiting for the day they could grab me in their arms but scared they would never get along with me and now they probably won't.
It is a long time to wait anyway for me.
What if I can only love people in a sexual way and never platonic except my family and they are sure not to be everything I need
And I think I could be asexual too so them I will never connect with anyone on personal level.
And my life will be wrecked.
 
Well I wouldn't say 'wrong' as in unacceptable but more in the sense of, its probably a big mistake to make my feelings known.

My problem is that I can't find people like me. If they have similar traits in some areas they're usually put off by my traits in other areas. So it's hard to find people who are very similar to me in most aspects not just my reclusive nature.

Sometimes I see a woman who is a bit of a loner, is shy and feels marginalized etc. but I know that's as far as it goes with having things in common. So yeah, it's probably a mistake for her to really get to know me.

For me there's too much risk involved in saying that you want someone to be your potential partner. It's far easier to just be on your own. Well for me anyway.
 
I don't think it's ever wrong to desire someone. We don't choose what we like or who we desire. Acting on it might be wrong, though.
 
I'm pretty sure that applies every single one of the thousands of times I greeted a lady and she turned up her nose and kept walking like she smelled something offensive.
 
I have an amazing number of regrets about finding somebody desirable but unable to act upon it. As a young adult I was finally understanding myself a little more and felt twinges of compassion towards shy women. There were times I could have done the kind thing and feel ashamed for not being a better person.
There was a kind, earnest, classmate (HS) who was very shy and rarely social because of her repaired cleft palate. She never dated as far as I know. I thought she was attractive and was sad that nobody paid attention to her. Then home from college I went to a bakery and was surprised to see her working. She was bright and happy to see me and I think she looked up to me. I was clueless and now think it could have been nice for both of us if I connected with her, offering to date.
Then, as I was working as Left Stage Manager at university I felt desire towards a very shy, quiet, and intelligent girl who I worked with and I was excited and happy every time I saw her. After a run, she was sitting alone at a wrap party and my heart sunk, seeing her alone, yet I was too paralyzed to talk to her. I was so disgusted at my cowardice that I left the party early (and with James Stewart and Helen Hayes attending).
 
i-wanna-blue said:
Well I wouldn't say 'wrong' as in unacceptable but more in the sense of, its probably a big mistake to make my feelings known.

My problem is that I can't find people like me. If they have similar traits in some areas they're usually put off by my traits in other areas. So it's hard to find people who are very similar to me in most aspects not just my reclusive nature.

Sometimes I see a woman who is a bit of a loner, is shy and feels marginalized etc. but I know that's as far as it goes with having things in common. So yeah, it's probably a mistake for her to really get to know me.

For me there's too much risk involved in saying that you want someone to be your potential partner. It's far easier to just be on your own. Well for me anyway.
Click to expand...
I struggle with it all too.
And I am sick of being hurt because of my issues
I am not in any way incapable or limited. I have daily struggles yes but I can do things other people can
But I do struggle with relationships because of childhood trauma, I am not sure I am into older people however I am willing to give anyone a chance if they really care about me. Feelings can take time to form and it is hard but I do want someone interesting who likes art and has read books and has an interesting and inquisitive mind who challenges me.
And very sweet like make me a cup of tea in the morning and is sitting at the table with a smile and encourages me and betters me but it often seems too much to ask
Someone who truly loves you should better you.
But instead all I have is a hot mess thst makes me miserable and it seems so much to want in a potential partner like I am asking too much and that someone will try to say stuff is masking for me and paint me as stupid and try to take advantage of me like they always think they can do.
And i will never let anyone take advantage of me, I will fight it to my dying day because everyone makes mistakes and in some situations it is not just your fault and i do not understand how I deserve thr blame because I am unwell.
And also I find platonic connection hard, I am lonely for that and because of that my childhood trauma hurts, I struggle to build friendships but i am friendly and nice
But no one will ever get the best of me.
 
Levitator said:
I'm pretty sure that applies every single one of the thousands of times I greeted a lady and she turned up her nose and kept walking like she smelled something offensive.
Click to expand...
So wrong well she was not worth you
Someone who is worth you will see your beautiful heart and love you for you.
Women can be superficial when it comes to men too and miss a good catch but it is their loss
Probably will get a narcissist husband like them anyway
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I have an amazing number of regrets about finding somebody desirable but unable to act upon it. As a young adult I was finally understanding myself a little more and felt twinges of compassion towards shy women. There were times I could have done the kind thing and feel ashamed for not being a better person.
There was a kind, earnest, classmate (HS) who was very shy and rarely social because of her repaired cleft palate. She never dated as far as I know. I thought she was attractive and was sad that nobody paid attention to her. Then home from college I went to a bakery and was surprised to see her working. She was bright and happy to see me and I think she looked up to me. I was clueless and now think it could have been nice for both of us if I connected with her, offering to date.
Then, as I was working as Left Stage Manager at university I felt desire towards a very shy, quiet, and intelligent girl who I worked with and I was excited and happy every time I saw her. After a run, she was sitting alone at a wrap party and my heart sunk, seeing her alone, yet I was too paralyzed to talk to her. I was so disgusted at my cowardice that I left the party early (and with James Stewart and Helen Hayes attending).
Click to expand...
Cool well there are nice people in the world it is a matter of finding them
Sometimes people with disabilities can be very nice.
But also someone sweet like those women do deserve someone really nice..they are relatable to me just quiet and shy and smart and not overly vain or stick to their own business and do their own thing
And usually stay out of trouble but no one is perfect.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I have an amazing number of regrets about finding somebody desirable but unable to act upon it. As a young adult I was finally understanding myself a little more and felt twinges of compassion towards shy women. There were times I could have done the kind thing and feel ashamed for not being a better person.
There was a kind, earnest, classmate (HS) who was very shy and rarely social because of her repaired cleft palate. She never dated as far as I know. I thought she was attractive and was sad that nobody paid attention to her. Then home from college I went to a bakery and was surprised to see her working. She was bright and happy to see me and I think she looked up to me. I was clueless and now think it could have been nice for both of us if I connected with her, offering to date.
Then, as I was working as Left Stage Manager at university I felt desire towards a very shy, quiet, and intelligent girl who I worked with and I was excited and happy every time I saw her. After a run, she was sitting alone at a wrap party and my heart sunk, seeing her alone, yet I was too paralyzed to talk to her. I was so disgusted at my cowardice that I left the party early (and with James Stewart and Helen Hayes attending).
Click to expand...

I actually really relate to this. I did finally meet someone to date, after fifteen years, and we were only together for three months, but she was amazing to be with. She was this poor girl who had a brain tumor removed early on and it messed up her motor function and tactile sensations on the entire right side of her body. It messed up her speech and she complained that it made her sound dumb, but I loved her so intensely for confronting her problems every day. Being with her finally convinced me to accept I almost certainly have autism; a condition I can't help, that makes me involuntarily sound dumb to people. At least she can hear her own voice, but I don't even know what people object to about me. It's so disproportionate to anything I see wrong with myself.

Normal people look down their nose at me, but come to think of it, I think I would actually far prefer to date someone with a disability at this point. I felt so much happiness and joy supporting her every moment I got the chance. Whenever she was ready to get out of bed, I'd pull my foot in to raise my knee so she could use my leg like a sort of banister to pull herself up. The thing that really killed me is that she would get cramps in her good arm, and she would reach and try to knead them with the wrist of her totally useless hand, and it made my heart completely melt for her every single time.

I always wanted a "peer", before. I think my problem is that I hand't learned who I am yet, and now that I know myself, what do I need another copy of myself for? I'd rather be with someone whose life I can enrich in a tangible way, and whose courage I can admire and respect.

I was always afraid to talk to disabled people because I didn't think we'd relate. What a stupid mistake that was. We related so very much, we had wonderful and intimate conversations about things both cleverly dumb and clever alike. When you realize you are already the oddball, plus you fail at normalcy in ways you can't even perceive, you realize you should have always been looking for the other odd ducks,because those are the ones who are normal to you anyway.
 
Levitator said:
I actually really relate to this. I did finally meet someone to date, after fifteen years, and we were only together for three months, but she was amazing to be with. She was this poor girl who had a brain tumor removed early on and it messed up her motor function and tactile sensations on the entire right side of her body. It messed up her speech and she complained that it made her sound dumb, but I loved her so intensely for confronting her problems every day. Being with her finally convinced me to accept I almost certainly have autism; a condition I can't help, that makes me involuntarily sound dumb to people. At least she can hear her own voice, but I don't even know what people object to about me. It's so disproportionate to anything I see wrong with myself.

Normal people look down their nose at me, but come to think of it, I think I would actually far prefer to date someone with a disability at this point. I felt so much happiness and joy supporting her every moment I got the chance. Whenever she was ready to get out of bed, I'd pull my foot in to raise my knee so she could use my leg like a sort of banister to pull herself up. The thing that really killed me is that she would get cramps in her good arm, and she would reach and try to knead them with the wrist of her totally useless hand, and it made my heart completely melt for her every single time.

I always wanted a "peer", before. I think my problem is that I hand't learned who I am yet, and now that I know myself, what do I need another copy of myself for? I'd rather be with someone whose life I can enrich in a tangible way, and whose courage I can admire and respect.

I was always afraid to talk to disabled people because I didn't think we'd relate. What a stupid mistake that was. We related so very much, we had wonderful and intimate conversations about things both cleverly dumb and clever alike. When you realize you are already the oddball, plus you fail at normalcy in ways you can't even perceive, you realize you should have always been looking for the other odd ducks,because those are the ones who are normal to you anyway.
Click to expand...
You have a large heart and I wish you every happiness in life. I hope she recognizes the caring person that you are.

I received my desire's wish eventually. I met a woman who was hoping to meet a man she could do outdoor activities with. She is basically shy and from her social anxiety when young and siblings on the spectrum I suspect she is autistic. When I met her she had been sexually rejected by her first husband and trying for a relationship guys would just ghost her after finally having sex. I was fortunate because I was a considerate lover and I would follow up with such a nice woman as her. We have been having adventures for 45 years.
 
blue_bird said:
Sometimes I see a woman who is a bit of a loner, is shy and feels marginalized etc. but I know that's as far as it goes with having things in common. So yeah, it's probably a mistake for her to really get to know me.
Click to expand...
I think you got it wrong. I was attracted to shy women and finally had the confidence to get to know a few (and married one). I found that they basically like to meet sensitive quirky guys, sorta like us. When there is compatibility in other dimensions, I think a shy woman is a wonderful life partner. When I really got to know my future spouse, I was floored by her kind acceptance of me.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
You have a large heart and I wish you every happiness in life. I hope she recognizes the caring person that you are.

I received my desire's wish eventually. I met a woman who was hoping to meet a man she could do outdoor activities with. She is basically shy and from her social anxiety when young and siblings on the spectrum I suspect she is autistic. When I met her she had been sexually rejected by her first husband and trying for a relationship guys would just ghost her after finally having sex. I was fortunate because I was a considerate lover and I would follow up with such a nice woman as her. We have been having adventures for 45 years.
Click to expand...
You meet a lot of people who are utterly spoiled awash with fake love and substitutes. It's people who confront trials and scarcity who appreciate the real thing.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I think you got it wrong. I was attracted to shy women and finally had the confidence to get to know a few (and married one). I found that they basically like to meet sensitive quirky guys, sorta like us. When there is compatibility in other dimensions, I think a shy woman is a wonderful life partner. When I really got to know my future spouse, I was floored by her kind acceptance of me.
Click to expand...
My first girlfriend was the shy, silent, mysterious type, but she looked like a work of art, and one of my favorite things to do was to just stare at her dumbfounded for hours at a time.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I think you got it wrong. I was attracted to shy women and finally had the confidence to get to know a few (and married one). I found that they basically like to meet sensitive quirky guys, sorta like us. When there is compatibility in other dimensions, I think a shy woman is a wonderful life partner. When I really got to know my future spouse, I was floored by her kind acceptance of me.
Click to expand...

I don't question that a shy woman is a good catch. But I do question if there is, as you say "compatibility in other dimensions". I'm just so afraid that I'll make the first move and then I'll regret it. It will be one of those, it looks like a good idea, but only later do you realise that it wasn't.

I'm scared that a shy woman will think we are compatible due to our loneliness but once she knows more about me, she'll realize that we're not.
 
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