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Have you ever been told you're not autistic?

Hedgehog Instigator said:
What is with the eye contact thing? where is it written we're bad at that? I work with Autistic people everyday and all of us are good with eye contact! Not to mention even if that is a DSM requirement (which I really doubt it is, it's so general), it would be one out of a list of 6 from which you would need 4 symptoms or something similar.
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It's an assumption that doctors whom do not further their education think. They see autistics as low functioning and refuse to hear that they might be wrong. I met 2 psychiatrists that judged everything on verbal communication and eye contact.
 
I've never had anyone straight out tell me I'm not, but I've had "really? I didn't notice anything.... you don't look autistic... *sceptical look*" sort of reactions. How on Earth is someone supposed to "look autistic"? My favourite reaction so far is "But you don't act like Rain Man" :laughing: It doesn't annoy me, mainly I just find it funny. However if someone straight out told me I'm not that would definitely annoy me, what makes people think they can possibly know you better than yourself?
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
The way I interpret it is, "You seem normal" or capable of appearing like everybody else... it's not a compliment, it's based on the idea that all autistic people are exactly the same, it's misinformed. They are making an assumption that people with ASD can't function. This is the same reason why you are belittled by people, it's the flip side to the same problem.
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I view "you seem normal" as not being a compliment because it is based on the assumption that being "normal" (i.e. NT) is the best way to be. That passing off as NT is something to be aspired to, and seeming autistic (i.e. being yourself) is a bad thing. I wish I didn't have to wear a mask of normality every day, and that I didn't have to devote so much of my childhood to learning how to fit in to avoid bullying. It would be nice to live in a world where it is completely ok to be as "non-normal" as you are naturally inclined to be.
 
It can be a compliment in one sense. In another it can prevent someone from getting needed services to help with functioning and daily life.
 
After being diagnosed, I spent the longest time trying to find an ASD-supportive counselor. Everyone that I went to wanted to force me into a re-diagnosis of Schizotypal Personality Disorder (with an entirely different therapy in mind). They could not accept Aspergers as an adult diagnosis. An expert in Twice Exeptional[ity?] told me that SPD was a common misdiagnosis for 2E because the giftedness will mask the Aspergers and Aspergers will diminish the appearance of giftedness.

I finally found a counselor who will treat me in those terms. She stated that she had no specific background in either dx, but she was willing to consult the expert in this matter.

(The expert is located in different state.)
Addendum: This was when the changes were being made from DSM-IV to DSM-V. I am not sure where things lie now.
 
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Crossbreed said:
After being diagnosed, I spent the longest time trying to find an ASD-supportive counselor. Everyone that I went to wanted to force me into a re-diagnosis of Schizotypal Personality Disorder (with an entirely different therapy in mind). They could not accept Aspergers as an adult diagnosis. An expert in Twice Exeptional[ity?] told me that SPD was a common misdiagnosis for 2E because the giftedness will mask the Aspergers and Aspergers will diminish the appearance of giftedness.

I finally found a counselor who will treat me in those terms. She stated that she had no specific background in either dx, but she was willing to consult the expert in this matter.
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I guess I'm lucky in the respect that my therapist really understands autism. His particular interest and speciality is in the higher functioning end.
 
NothingToSeeHere said:
I view "you seem normal" as not being a compliment because it is based on the assumption that being "normal" (i.e. NT) is the best way to be. That passing off as NT is something to be aspired to, and seeming autistic (i.e. being yourself) is a bad thing. I wish I didn't have to wear a mask of normality every day, and that I didn't have to devote so much of my childhood to learning how to fit in to avoid bullying. It would be nice to live in a world where it is completely ok to be as "non-normal" as you are naturally inclined to be.
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It is something to be aspired to. Seeming autistic is seeming retarded. NTs have personalities and quirks and stuff I don't know why people think that autism is a personality. We all have unique personalities, NT or autistic. They're not drones, they're just not impaired socially like we are.
 
Crazy Dave said:
I totally agree with you. Many people have this common misconception that Autism is easily recognizable, but Autism its self is like a HUGE diverse spectrum. I had an acquaintance in high school who had it as well, He wasn't as social as I, but anyways, what he lacked in social skills, he made in mathematical skills. He later graduated and went on to become a computer programmer! It comes to show that whatever side of the spectrum one is on, they can always excel in some way, shape, or form. I mean I used to see my AS like another label, but over time I began to see it like a gift from God. I love seeing and hearing and thinking the way I do. I used to think I wasn't "Normal". But I've come think that "Normal" is non-existent. If one claims to be "normal", they either A: Lying to themselves, or B: They just haven't been diagnosed yet.
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What is "normal"? A setting on your washing machine? I am very different than those around me, but how I am is normal for me.
 
The bottom line for those on the spectrum is to mention the fact only if it is somehow required by law. I don't think it's a good idea to make any statements about our so called syndrome casually. We should just be ourselves without trying to justify or explain any perceived differences.
Another caution is not to allow ourselves to be baited into speaking out because someone else brings up the subject of autism.
Why should we go out of our ways to to give anyone an excuse to marginalize us and thus ignore the validity of our input?
I believe we should let things pass that would divert attention from the situation at hand to the discussion of ASD. Any definable minority gets greater scrutiny than the majority.
I don't want to be so defined, so I seldom if ever talk about ASD.
 
Yes. My mother and brother have insisted that I do not have ASD. I'm 25 years old, and was diagnosed just two years ago, so this is a foreign idea for them. A lot of people have a stereotypical way of imagining what autistic people *should* look and sound like; as we know, AS doesn't quite fit that stereotype.
 
unsurewhattoname said:
It is something to be aspired to. Seeming autistic is seeming retarded. NTs have personalities and quirks and stuff I don't know why people think that autism is a personality. We all have unique personalities, NT or autistic. They're not drones, they're just not impaired socially like we are.
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I completely disagree. Seeming autistic has nothing to do with seeming retarded, at least not to anyone who is not completely ignorant on the subject. Nor do I consider myself socially impaired, I just socialise in a different way, and just because that way is considered wrong by mainstream society doesn't mean that it is wrong for me. I don't aspire to be more neurotypical, I aspire to being happy and comfortable with myself, and I don't think that being an expert at making boring small talk, fake smiling, making eyecontact and suppressing my stims really helps with that, it only helps other people be more comfortable with me.

Also, I haven't noticed anyone here suggesting that we all (NT and autistic) don't have unique personalities, to do so would be rather stupid since being exposed to widely divergent personalities is part of day to day life. As other people have suggested a large part of the problem with people doubting that a person is autistic is because there seems to be a widespread perception that all autistic people fit a certain mould, when we are in fact just as diverse as any other group.
However, I do think that being autistic is a fundamental part of my personality, after all, if I wasn't autistic I would have had completely different experiences and struggles throughout my life, different friends and interests, and as such would be a very different person.
 
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I often tell the most common(ignorant) people in my town that I am autie so they leave me the hell alone :p

I had a former member here tell me that she couldn't possibly be autie because she didn't look or act like one of "those people" because she has seen them and had nothing in common with them. The poor lil aspie wasn't ready to accept that being an aspie entered her in the autie hall of fame at all and had a quite interesting way of putting it.

I learned a lot about the NT way by observation alone and could possibly trick the best professionals by giving them all the wrong answers to every question they ask by now.After spending a great deal of my time studying my condition as a special interest,I am prepared well enough to talk to any neuropsych pro on or above their level of education. I am no less autistic by any means as a result of it,only very clever and adaptable. As much as it may come across as bragging to some,being called a prodigious autistic savant by my professionals sure had a way of blowing up my ego and pushes me to do even better at whatever it is I choose to do.At times,even I can't come to terms with that particular label,but it is what it is.

Looking another person in the eyes is a conditioned response to how "normal" people expect an exchange to work with them.If you have something you are trying to sell,whether it a product or service,you have to play the game the way most are used to it,or have something that is so important that others just have to listen to you...if you know of ole Nick Tesla,you may understand what being autie can possibly offer...if ya don't,then either look him up on google,or quit paying your power bill, using poly-phase ac electric motors and radios because they are of little use to you. Thomas Edison,the man that history considers the father of electricity and incandescent lighting was nothing but a scheming fraud with good monetary backing who did everything in his power to snuff out progress if it didn't give him fame and fortune.Nice job on the phonograph dude,if ya really invented it,but I also have my doubts on that gig ;)

My extroverted personality was another conditioned reaction to enable me to function in the business world where I actually excelled in management positions. I am not afraid of public speaking at all and actually love being center stage in the spot lights and the center of attention.

I think the "us and them" attitude is what holds a lot of spectrumites back in their own thinking as well as understanding them to those who are not well informed. The neurotypicals have a slew of psychological issues of their own to deal with,so once again,define normal and maybe I will take that side of the fence. I have said this many times that those who consider themselves normal are probably far from it. Another statement is the one about the day they can cure me of autism will be the day I can no longer share my gift of autism with the rest of the world. Is that what normal really means,an entire lifetime of sameness where no new thoughts or dreams are possible? Pound salt is all I can say to that.



Autie proud for 55 years and still counting ;)
 
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Every day of my life :rolleyes:

I am going to be tested soon (for general issues), and my counselor has stated that she believes Aspergers is one of the possible conditions I have. Great. I suspected that. Enter my parents, who think that "It's not possible." My dad said it's because I can speak and eloquate my feelings very well. Excuse me? Sure, I'm very good at speaking about Psychology, literature, or about my best friend and his rather intense way of speaking his mind. But most of the time whenever they as me a questions about something else that they like and not me, I answer 'Yeah,' or 'Good,' or 'Okay'. I speak well on subjects I"m interested it. And whenever I make a light-hearted joke about me having aspergers (possibly), my mom says 'But she just said it's a possibility, not that you have it. Well, yes, but she made it clear that's the most likely cause of some of my issues. And my dad just outright rejects the idea. They think ti's just puberty (sorry if TMI lol) and middle school. Especially since my brother had issues when he was in middle school (I'm 99.9% sure he's got tourettes) but once he got ot high school he became a social butterfly. They say that's why right now I"m not doing as good, and that high school will be amazing, but they constantly tell me to not compare my self to my brother (because he does very well in school, and people like him a lot more than me because he is very sweet and friendly), when they're doing just that. Yes, we're not the same person. So why do you expect the same outcome? Also, they don't think I have aspergers because I wasn't like this before. Obviously it would show in middle school, because that's when social pressures start to rise. They also completely neglected the earlier signs of of sensory problems from when I was younger, saying it was just my OCD. They blame everything possible on OCD, ieven if there's no connection. They think just because my brother got through school wihtout getting tested that I shouldn't have to either, and they think I'm being weak or something for seeing a counselor and getting help. You know why my brother never got any help? BECAUSE HE'S SO STUBBORN!!! My school counselor has finally convinced them of why getting tested would be extremely hepful, thank goodness. Now my dad is saying he thinks everyone in our family (we've all got some issues lol) has a form of tourettes, even though when I suggested my brother had it, he said that he didn't! Sorry for the rant, but as much as I are for my family they are a giant mess lol.
 
I've heard people tell me this. However, they're even less "reliable" than these professionals who diagnosed me.

Once at a friend of a friends place we were hanging out and we ended up talking about employment and I told him my situation about it. Told him I had Asperger's and told him it's a type of autism. He then said "really? why do you think you have this?" and I ended up telling him, I have an official diagnosis for it, yet it did puzzle him, since he knew a friend of his parents who had an autistic kid and I was nothing liike that kid he told me.

It's one of many, but it shows that people can't comprehend the complexity of it, as they have a stereotype embedded in their mind and that's how it is, and nothing else can be different. It being a spectrum is probably a pretty intangible and abstract concept to most.

That all said, I function, in my own way. As long as I have the freedom to do things the way I want to, when I want to, I'm good, and probably functional enough, yet the struggle comes when guidelines and rules are involved and you're being held against those; school curriculums and workprocesses being prime examples of being told how and when to do things.

With many things (I'll use many instead of all) I'm odd and unconventional in my approach; I might get to the result eventually, maybe even yield better results, but the moment we emphasise the method more than the result I'm as dysfunctional as they come.
 
I think that many that do understand are in awe of what I am capable of,but I wouldn't wish my ride on anyone even if I disliked them.
 
The Phantom said:
Every day of my life :rolleyes:

I am going to be tested soon (for general issues), and my counselor has stated that she believes Aspergers is one of the possible conditions I have. Great. I suspected that. Enter my parents, who think that "It's not possible." My dad said it's because I can speak and eloquate my feelings very well. Excuse me? Sure, I'm very good at speaking about Psychology, literature, or about my best friend and his rather intense way of speaking his mind. But most of the time whenever they as me a questions about something else that they like and not me, I answer 'Yeah,' or 'Good,' or 'Okay'. I speak well on subjects I"m interested it. And whenever I make a light-hearted joke about me having aspergers (possibly), my mom says 'But she just said it's a possibility, not that you have it. Well, yes, but she made it clear that's the most likely cause of some of my issues. And my dad just outright rejects the idea. They think ti's just puberty (sorry if TMI lol) and middle school. Especially since my brother had issues when he was in middle school (I'm 99.9% sure he's got tourettes) but once he got ot high school he became a social butterfly. They say that's why right now I"m not doing as good, and that high school will be amazing, but they constantly tell me to not compare my self to my brother (because he does very well in school, and people like him a lot more than me because he is very sweet and friendly), when they're doing just that. Yes, we're not the same person. So why do you expect the same outcome? Also, they don't think I have aspergers because I wasn't like this before. Obviously it would show in middle school, because that's when social pressures start to rise. They also completely neglected the earlier signs of of sensory problems from when I was younger, saying it was just my OCD. They blame everything possible on OCD, ieven if there's no connection. They think just because my brother got through school wihtout getting tested that I shouldn't have to either, and they think I'm being weak or something for seeing a counselor and getting help. You know why my brother never got any help? BECAUSE HE'S SO STUBBORN!!! My school counselor has finally convinced them of why getting tested would be extremely hepful, thank goodness. Now my dad is saying he thinks everyone in our family (we've all got some issues lol) has a form of tourettes, even though when I suggested my brother had it, he said that he didn't! Sorry for the rant, but as much as I are for my family they are a giant mess lol.
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I think parents sometimes don't accept it because they feel like it means they did something wrong.
 
My mom outright says I don't have Asperger's. She says I more likely have ADD, since she has it, like somehow the two are mutually exclusive. In fact, my therapist said that of the many Aspies he's worked with over the years, almost all of them also had ADD, as well.
I think my husband knows internally that I have Asperger's, but he denies it when he gets annoyed with me bringing it up. He only verbally acknowledges it when I'm being annoyingly "Aspie-ish", like taking him literally, getting defensive, being perceived as rude, or being difficult to break away from my norm or ritual.
As a female on the spectrum, I've learned to manage some of my tendencies to some extent over the years. As an Aspie with a shaky sense of self, I get angry when people try to plant seeds of doubt in my malleable mind.
 
Shawn D said:
My mom outright says I don't have Asperger's. She says I more likely have ADD, since she has it, like somehow the two are mutually exclusive. In fact, my therapist said that of the many Aspies he's worked with over the years, almost all of them also had ADD, as well.
I think my husband knows internally that I have Asperger's, but he denies it when he gets annoyed with me bringing it up. He only verbally acknowledges it when I'm being annoyingly "Aspie-ish", like taking him literally, getting defensive, being perceived as rude, or being difficult to break away from my norm or ritual.
As a female on the spectrum, I've learned to manage some of my tendencies to some extent over the years. As an Aspie with a shaky sense of self, I get angry when people try to plant seeds of doubt in my malleable mind.
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Wow sounds like my life.
 
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