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Has online become all about Looks?

matt000333

matt000333

Well-Known Member
I used to talk to people on friend sites and dating sites. But now it seems no one wants to talk to me I am poor and do not have the latest phone. Plus do not take good pics anyway and I am about 25 pounds overweight though I am working on losing it anyways is anyone else having this problem?
 
Sorry if this sounds harsh or insensitive or something, but if there's a list of people and I'm scrolling, and one is unattractive and poor and one is attractive and not poor, why wouldn't I click the second one?

The fact is that dating is about selling yourself, and it has always been about looks. Why wouldn't it be? A primary component of a romantic relationship is sex.

All generally speaking, of course. It doesn't even apply to me, I just know the theory.
 
It’s all advertising online.

The illusion of getting or offering the best deal without outright lying.

Pre w.w.w folk could see with their own eyes what was on offer because friends, companions, potential mates were found at social gatherings in real time.

No photoshop or seductive updated status there.
All was on show, fabulous flaws and pre date zits.

Now it’s all adverting in a ‘glossy magazine style’

Goodness forbid anyone have the audacity to admit to being less than perfect !
(Sarcasm)
 
People judge on outward appearance, and there is nothing new about this, nor is it confined to online dating. If you go to a job interview, you will be judged on how you look and present yourself. Even if you go to a shop to do you groceries, if you are dressed in an unusual or scruffy way, the security guards will be watching, keeping an eye on you. At school, at college and in the workplace, you will be judged on what phone or car you have, what brand of clothes you wear. It sucks, it's superficial, it's unfair and wrong, but it's a fact of life. Personally, these things have never been important to me and I couldn't care less what kind of phone a person has or how they look or how much money they have, but that's not how most people think. It's all about the need to make statements about their social status.
 
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I don't think it's all about looks and wealth on friend sites. It could be that your interests are just too different from most of the people you used to talk to and they have drifted away.

As for dating sights ... young women can generally pick and choose the most appealing of the males out there. Even the least attractive young women have more choosing power than the average young man. So ... if you really want to have a good chance of dating young women, then you have to compete for their attention. You must look and sound like a good catch. These women can only judge you based on the initial, superficial attributes that you display. So getting the girl will rely on your appearance and your producing ability. After that it is a different story.

The same is true for men except that they are not as concerned about a girls productivity, but more concerned about her appearance.
 
I don't think it's all about looks, but appearance certainly plays an important role in dating. After all, very few people (if any) want to date someone they are not attracted to, either physically or mentally. It is especially important in online dating, as a picture is all they have to go on, all the other cues that spark attraction are absent. That said, not everyone finds the same things attractive, 25 pounds overweight to one person is sexy to another.

How would any of these people know you are poor, are you shouting your salary from the rooftops? But yes monetary status is also important when it comes to considering a long term relationship, most people expect their partners to be able to financially support themselves and contribute to the household. In friendships and casual relationships it's not as important, but if you can't afford to go dutch on the food bill that's going to be bit of a road block.

If you are hanging out with people who care what phone you have, find new friends, no one with any sense cares about such inconsequential rubbish.
 
matt000333 said:
I used to talk to people on friend sites and dating sites. But now it seems no one wants to talk to me I am poor and do not have the latest phone. Plus do not take good pics anyway and I am about 25 pounds overweight though I am working on losing it anyways is anyone else having this problem?
Click to expand...

i can relate to that.no one interacts that often with me either (twitter).ever since some of them from my old accounts that i followed learned i hashtag aspie & since then,not sent me a reply or mention,i had a few follow back for the last few days or weeks,but no mentions,not as of late !
 
Progster said:
People judge on outward appearance, and there is nothing new about this, nor is it confined to online dating. If you go to a job interview, you will be judged on how you look and present yourself. Even if you go to a shop to do you groceries, if you are dressed in an unusual or scruffy way, the security guards will be watching, keeping an eye on you. At school, at college and in the workplace, you will be judged on what phone or car you have, what brand of clothes you wear. It sucks, it's superficial, it's unfair and wrong, but it's a fact of life. Personally, these things have never been important to me and I couldn't care less what kind of phone a person has or how they look or how much money they have, but that's not how most people think. It's all about the need to make statements about their social status.
Click to expand...

I agree and I believe it is because of the average persons need to be one of the "The in group". Social status is of the utmost importance to these people. Most of us are not like that at all. I believe this is because of logical thought. Everything that I believe to be true, all of my priorities and almost everything that I do is based on logical thought. I think that most of us think the same way. I have never made a conscious decision to think like this and I do not think that the majority of us here have made such a decision. I have just thought of it as 'One of my Aspie ways". Several years ago one of our members, Warmheart, wrote "It is better to be a nerd, than one of the herd". This is true.
 
On dating sites, people really only have your looks to go off of, so yes looks are a much bigger deal online than offline.

Even in real life, people still care about outward appearance. Sure, they might not say it, but it's a subconscious bias we have. It's just part of human nature, and it sucks, but it is what it is. However, you do have a better chance finding a partner in real life than on a dating site, because in real life people tend to be more realistic about their standards and expectations. Generally speaking, people are inclined to date those who are similar to them. Hot people tend to date other hot people, thin people tend to date other thin people, rich people tend to date other rich people, etc.

I'm not saying you should drop all your standards, but you should examine them. If you don't meet your standards yourself, then they're too high, because as I said people generally date those they have commonalities with.
 
It's true that people scrolling through pictures of eligible dates scan them like they are shopping -because they are shopping. An assessment of a person's value via a photograph is made very quickly in the brain - including all prejudices and pre-conceptions. It's the human way and we can't turn it off. Unfortunately, there is too much egotistical BS at work on dating/friend sites. On-line lying is the new norm and many people exaggerate their social image to "snag" someone. Don't play that game. Remain true to yourself in a positive way.

It's difficult for us to judge ourselves honestly, especially if we focus on all that is less than perfect. If you don't feel good about yourself you are likely to devalue the part of you that might be the most important. The initial picture has its place for those seeking a friendship/date based on looks. You also don't want to attract anyone interested in a free dinner in exchange for 2 hours of their company. Tricksters abound on the Internet.

List a few of your qualities and interests, but don't go overboard. Provide a nice photo. Let a friend help you get a decent photograph. Don't lament not getting a huge number of hits every day. Fewer hits could mean better quality of people. Quality over quantity.
 
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