Has anyone ever called you pushy/bossy/etc. when they only just misunderstood you?

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

Question pretty much says it all. In my experience I myself am personally tired of walking on eggshells around others. I no longer engage with them anymore. But I fear some people will just never give up on me and desperately want me gone for good.

 

[Hypnalis]

What kind of social exchange occurs before you're called that?

It's something you'd only expect to be used as a response to another persons actions or comments.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

From what I understand, most autistics will speak in direct language. We are less likely to hint or elude to something we want by phrasing things with leading questions. We are more likely to just get to the point. There are those that are rather sensitive to direct language and interpret it as being mean, intimidating, and forceful. If I talk to men this way, most take it and don't say anything, because most men, at least of my generation, speak in very direct ways. On the other hand, some of the female nurses I work with and some of my students, they interpret it as "yelling" or being forceful, even though there was no "tone" in my voice, as they are more likely to communicate in indirect ways.

 

[Bobsterkitty]

A hit dog will holler.

Being called pushy (or a similar term implying I am the offender) happens when you inadvertently or intentionally kick the perceived or entrenched power structure and are close to unveiling its ugly secrets.

Example: a co-worker (full professor and some sort of chair) close to his retirement felt my hire and energetic, mostly different approach meant he was being made obsolete (rather than him already being so thanks to his closed-mindedness), so he expected me to know and yield to his body of work as if it were gospel.
Others called me intimidating since I annoyingly have the goods to back stuff up and use logic and facts.

The bottom line has been that people don't want to be held to a higher standard. I see being called pushy (rude, disrespectful) as a [scratchy] badge of honor, even though I usually am made to pay for it, or denied just dessert.

So, yes, I own my drive and ideas that pass my muster. I support the willingness-to-learn underdog, so students and reports love me because I care much more than my peers or superiors. One time I quit due to family matters (this was pre-diagnosis,) and my boss said he'd work _for_ me in a heartbeat, but could not leave because his family needed the pay and benefits package he had due to his long tenure with the company.

Strangely (?) enough, my bluntness is super welcome when it cleans up messes, just not when it affects the person directly.

So, to your question, I don't really think that it is always a misunderstanding. It is sometimes a cold war - I want more justice, higher standards, and honesty, and they want to continue business as usual, however flawed and wasteful. It's not that we all don't know what is really going on.

 

[Judge]

Sounds like what some would call "a loaded question". That before one can answer, you'll have to explain yourself in greater detail.

Starting with what exactly did you say or do to precipitate being called as such? After all, there are usually two sides to every story. Give us some context to work the problem...whatever it really is.

Though on a sidenote I'm wondering how many of us would associate "pushy" as being too direct. Personally I see them as two different considerations, myself. Pushy implying that one has an agenda of some sort, as opposed to simply being direct and to the point.

 

[Forest Cat]

Yeah, especially when I was younger. But to be fair, sometimes they may have misunderstood me but I was also pushy, bossy and opinionated. I just didn't see it and blamed other people. I was a little stuck in my own little bubble I think. Too much "me me me". It can be difficult for people to see themselves clearly. So it was often my fault.

 

[Judge]

Yeah, especially when I was younger. But to be fair, sometimes they may have misunderstood me but I was also pushy, bossy and opinionated. I just didn't see it and blamed other people. I was a little stuck in my own little bubble I think. Too much "me me me". It can be difficult to see ourselves clearly. So it was often my fault.

Good point. I can see how some would so closely align "bossy" with being "opinionated". Especially if done repeatedly over time. Which is bound to "wear out most any welcome".

Acknowledging as well that some people simply have "shorter fuses to ignite" more than others.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Yes, this does happen to me, although not that often, since I am often very afraid of hurting people's feelings or offending someone. It happens especially if I feel strongly about something. For example, I had this conversation with my friend about people giving their pets to a shelter because the animal doesn't fit into their life anymore (illness, a move very far away or objective life circumstances are, of course, excluded). My friend disagreed with some points. Apparently, I got very passionated about it and, suddenly, she stops me and says that she feels attacked - something I'd never intentioned. In my mind, I was being perfectly "normal", just passionate about the issue.
My family used to call me disrespectful all the time, simply because I disagreed with something they said despite being the youngest one. I still don't get what's disrespectful about objectively disagreeing with someone.

 

[Au Naturel]

That would require me to be in a position where I could say something that could possibly be interpreted as pushy or bossy. The only people who might feel that way are my dogs. The cats just ignore me.

 

[Fino]

Family? Avoid all people that upset you.

 

[Cryptid]

Often, especially at work.

While the other engineers were soft-selling their ideas so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, I would lead off with, "This is what needs to be done . . .", give the details, and explain why they were necessary. I also did this when on church and community events committees.

Invariably, someone would object, not to the need or to the details, but to my blunt manner and "bossy" attitude.

I guess that's why the higher-ups at work put me in charge of the entire department for 20+ years.

 

[Au Naturel]

Often, especially at work.

While the other engineers were soft-selling their ideas so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, I would lead off with, "This is what needs to be done . . .", give the details, and explain why they were necessary. I also did this when on church and community events committees.

Invariably, someone would object, not to the need or to the details, but to my blunt manner and "bossy" attitude.

I guess that's why the higher-ups at work put me in charge of the entire department for 20+ years.

Being bossy is often a qualification for being a boss.

 

[Cryptid]

If by "bossy", you mean being assertive, involved, and knowledgeable, then we agree.