Has anyone else experienced whenever someone makes an insensitive/bigoted comment to you or someone else only to justify it with rational arguments?

[Forest Cat]

Another is looking at the big picture. I've always done this but now apply it to social experiences - and what's great is realizing that some things are so much more important than these tiny negative social interactions. If you think about how massive our universe is and how insignificant we are, you quickly realize it's all ridiculous in the grand scheme of things.

Yeah that's a good point.

 

[Mary Terry]

I don't think I've ever encountered a bigot who DIDN'T try to justify their attitude with "rational arguments". That's what they do. My advice is to avoid them, don't engage in arguments with them, and block them on your social media.

 

[Cryptid]

I don't think I've ever encountered a bigot who DIDN'T try to justify their attitude with "rational arguments". That's what they do. My advice is to avoid them, don't engage in arguments with them, and block them on your social media.

Many seem to lead off with, "I'm not a bigot; YOU are the bigot!"

It's called projection and, in some convoluted way, means to those people that anyone who objects to their bigotry is somehow themselves a bigot.

Weird? Delusional? Just plain stupid? You be the ones to decide.

For me, 'ghosting' such people is the one, best solution; perhaps the ONLY solution.

 

[Hypnalis]

In the 21st century, opinions on many important sociopolitical topics are highly polarized.

This has some inevitable effects:
* After the views on a given topic become sufficiently polarized, both sides will honestly believe the other side is bigoted. US politics seems to be at this stage.
* Given enough separation of views, the moderates on both sides will be considered bigots by their own extremists as well as the "opposition"
* It becomes difficult for moderates to distinguish between their own extremists and the opposition's extremists
Horseshoe theory - Wikipedia

I'm still waiting for something like the Horseshoe Theory that captures the effect of the moderates all leaving the discussion, and starting a different one. This does happen, and seems to be happening in the world now, on a fairly large scale.

Back on topic:

This discussion assumes, without question, that there's only one "correct" side in the general case "one person believes another person is a bigot".
This definitely isn't true all the time.

IMO, in the 2020's, it's more likely to be false than true.
(note that "more likely" is functionally equivalent to "51% or more" - as a claim it cannot be disproven by low-frequency exception cases).

If both sides sincerely believe the other is bigoted, are they both right, or both wrong?
And during an ongoing discussion:
1. What should someone who isn't heavily invested in the topic do?
2. What should someone who is heavily invested, but knows they cannot change the other person's opinion, do?

There are simple answers to both questions. But the basic principles have been forgotten by modern societies as a whole, which makes them relatively difficult for Aspies to figure out on their own.

This isn't in wikipedia, but search on "Never wrestle with a pig ..."

Note that it's possible to "weaponize" that in both directions. Saying that you know it during an argument is likely to cause an immediate "loss"

 

[Gift2humanity]

To me there is people to whom there is no arguing with, it's in their nature to twist things.
To me, it's about balancing preserving our personal boundaries and knowing when to "walk away" physically or mentally/emotinoally.

 

[vergil96]

Unfortunately, there will rarely be anyone to tell you exactly what to do and it would be different for each of us. But what “growing thicker skin” has meant for me is to:

- Form and maintain healthy boundaries

- Have a means for venting about difficult feelings and speaking to others who can understand.

- Work on reducing my habit of perseveration and increase my ability to refocus my attention.

- Invest in my own self confidence and self-esteem so much that I am able to not be so hurt and wounded by what other people say and think

Similar things worked for me as well + a more healthy lifestyle and avoiding piling up difficult and stressful events.