As I'm a bit fond of mentioning, I rediscovered my favourite childhood series of books --The Worst Witch. I absolutely loved reading the whole series (5 more than when I was a kid), it was much easier than the first time round, probably due to undiagnosed dyslexia. Reading them was really quite wonderful. Usually I just read technical stuff. I do remember I came back from school one day to find my mother had done one of her "clear outs". Basically she would tear through my room while I was absent and throw out most of my belongings. I remember I got upset and asked for my Worst Witch books and I was told I wasn't allowed them as I shouldn't be reading "girls books" and I was too old for them (I was 9 at this point).
I'm rather unapologetic about my attachment to things that made me feel good (however briefly) as a child. They were often unceremoniously ripped away from me when my mother got into one of her moods. I'm told she has a diagnosis of a Personality Disorder, and I strongly suspect it's the Narcissistic type based on what I experienced.
So over the years I've "reunited" with my "old friends". But yeah, I guess I am a bit obsessive concerning some of these things. I discovered that I had 14 variations of the computer my dad bought me when I was 11. I own an identical car to one (it may even be the actual car!) I used to see on my way to school in the 80s/90s. I used to see it go past each day and think it was the greatest thing I'd seem on 4 wheels and I would have one, one day!
Now I have quite the nerdy collection of computers and (let's call them) figurines and models. They make me feel happy, and my childhood very often was unnecessarily miserable.
I was never allowed to just enjoy things. I remember my mother used to come to my room when I had finished up my homework and I was about to reward myself with a quick game of Crazy Cars 3 or Fantasy World Dizzy on my computer. She would say things like "If you play computer games you will become Autistic". Seriously she said that! Then she explained that I would end up like "those kids in Romania on the news" --repeatedly banging their heads against bedframes etc. So this is what I came to believe Autism was.
I suspect, perhaps someone had suggested at school that I displayed some Autistic traits. So perhaps that motivated her to say that to me. Of course, it's just my theory. But she was the type to think she could somehow bully these things out of me.
Looking back, I was clearly Dyslexic. I had people recommend I get tested several times. At school I even spoke to a councillor about getting tested and they agreed that it was worth ruling out. I had to fill in a form (I had informed my mother about this at every stage by the way) and of course due to my age I had to get a signature for permission to sit the test.
She got real angry at me and refused, suddenly now telling me that I " had already been tested" and it was negative. She also told me that it was "unfair to others" and they would think I was "attention seeking". I got a test finally 10 years later and it turns out I had been Dyslexic all along and they could find no record of any previous test. I felt really annoyed that I had struggled all the way through school and it was likely avoidable. I suspect if I had an ASD test, I might get similar news.
So the way I see it, after all she put me through, I'm going to enjoy these things from my childhood and it's like a gigantic middle finger to her lol! I may just draw a picture of me and the original Mildred Hubble flying on broomsticks and set it up on a billboard across from her house!
You only get one life and you should enjoy what you want to enjoy, even if others see it as "childish".
I'm rather unapologetic about my attachment to things that made me feel good (however briefly) as a child. They were often unceremoniously ripped away from me when my mother got into one of her moods. I'm told she has a diagnosis of a Personality Disorder, and I strongly suspect it's the Narcissistic type based on what I experienced.
So over the years I've "reunited" with my "old friends". But yeah, I guess I am a bit obsessive concerning some of these things. I discovered that I had 14 variations of the computer my dad bought me when I was 11. I own an identical car to one (it may even be the actual car!) I used to see on my way to school in the 80s/90s. I used to see it go past each day and think it was the greatest thing I'd seem on 4 wheels and I would have one, one day!
Now I have quite the nerdy collection of computers and (let's call them) figurines and models. They make me feel happy, and my childhood very often was unnecessarily miserable.
I was never allowed to just enjoy things. I remember my mother used to come to my room when I had finished up my homework and I was about to reward myself with a quick game of Crazy Cars 3 or Fantasy World Dizzy on my computer. She would say things like "If you play computer games you will become Autistic". Seriously she said that! Then she explained that I would end up like "those kids in Romania on the news" --repeatedly banging their heads against bedframes etc. So this is what I came to believe Autism was.
I suspect, perhaps someone had suggested at school that I displayed some Autistic traits. So perhaps that motivated her to say that to me. Of course, it's just my theory. But she was the type to think she could somehow bully these things out of me.
Looking back, I was clearly Dyslexic. I had people recommend I get tested several times. At school I even spoke to a councillor about getting tested and they agreed that it was worth ruling out. I had to fill in a form (I had informed my mother about this at every stage by the way) and of course due to my age I had to get a signature for permission to sit the test.
She got real angry at me and refused, suddenly now telling me that I " had already been tested" and it was negative. She also told me that it was "unfair to others" and they would think I was "attention seeking". I got a test finally 10 years later and it turns out I had been Dyslexic all along and they could find no record of any previous test. I felt really annoyed that I had struggled all the way through school and it was likely avoidable. I suspect if I had an ASD test, I might get similar news.
So the way I see it, after all she put me through, I'm going to enjoy these things from my childhood and it's like a gigantic middle finger to her lol! I may just draw a picture of me and the original Mildred Hubble flying on broomsticks and set it up on a billboard across from her house!
You only get one life and you should enjoy what you want to enjoy, even if others see it as "childish".
