Grief

[Kwickyfeet Icypaws]

I guess I have atypical grief, tho sadness and regret are in no short supply.

I don't cry. Been more years than I know.

When I was a child I would cry too easily, and I hated that about myself. In hindsight I know that, while I did cry more than most, perhaps I had more reasons due to social difficulties.

Nonetheless, somewhere along the way it stopped. When my aunt died, when my mom died, and more recently when my dog died nearly 1 year ago.

My dog was in the prime of life, but had a freak accident and died after suffering for a couple days. We really thought he was going to pull thru and have many more years of happiness. Spent a lot of money at the vet, who assured us things would be fine.

At the time I was learning to play a song, "Holiday in the Sun" by Weezer. I'll never finish learning it - to this day the sound of it inspires a deep well of melancholy and takes me right back.

I've always had a powerful sentimentality that attaches to songs.

When NTs burst into tears I wonder at how different I am, and whether I should worry. Maybe ASDs cry just the same - I don't know.

Can anyone here relate. Or describe their grief?

 

[Judge]

I've always thought grief was something that everyone experiences exclusively on their own terms. That there's no way for anyone to assume people experience it in any "cookie-cutter" fashion, regardless of their neurological profile.

So however you experience your own grief, it's just that. Your own grief.

 

[Streetwise]

I guess I have atypical grief, tho sadness and regret are in no short supply.

I don't cry. Been more years than I know.

When I was a child I would cry too easily, and I hated that about myself. In hindsight I know that, while I did cry more than most, perhaps I had more reasons due to social difficulties.

Nonetheless, somewhere along the way it stopped. When my aunt died, when my mom died, and more recently when my dog died nearly 1 year ago.

My dog was in the prime of life, but had a freak accident and died after suffering for a couple days. We really thought he was going to pull thru and have many more years of happiness. Spent a lot of money at the vet, who assured us things would be fine.

At the time I was learning to play a song, "Holiday in the Sun" by Weezer. I'll never finish learning it - to this day the sound of it inspires a deep well of melancholy and takes me right back.

I've always had a powerful sentimentality that attaches to songs.

When NTs burst into tears I wonder at how different I am, and whether I should worry. Maybe ASDs cry just the same - I don't know.

Can anyone here relate. Or describe their grief?

The best thing to do is talk about it .The feelings and thoughts ,if it stresses you too much write it down !take a drawing tool and draw a picture of it !that's one of the ways recommended for children on the autism spectrum to express their feelings! what they actually use is a colour chart.

 

[onlything]

Grief. I still can't really say how it feels to me. Most of the time, I have hard time crying myself. It's more of a tightness in my chest, kind of like a sharp-edged hollowness. Deep sorrow and melancholy that the person, or the pet, is gone and not coming back. Also, guilt, because I should have spend more times with them when it was still possible.

I don't dwell on it much, though. It's just a present feeling that may or may not go. Some leave quickly to come back a year later with greater force. Some linger in the background at all times.

@Streetwise has a nice idea here. If I feel something I cannot name or describe, I imagine or draw its shape. Grief has just as many sharp edges as the soft ones and all in all, is a very complicated thing for me.

 

[Major Tom]

So sorry to hear about your dog. About 5 years ago, my dog passed in his prime due to thyroid cancer. It happened quickly and was such a shock. The house felt/still feels emptier without him around. As far as grief I would describe it for me as a feeling of emptiness, almost no feelings at all, other than a bit of sadness and loss. I am not a crier and tend to hold things in until I feel ready to burst at the seams, then I melt down.

 

[Suzanne]

The first time, I experienced grief, was when my beloved grandpa died. I could not cry; I just went into some kind of mental coma. I was put on sleeping tablets and was disgusted when my family carried on as normal. My second sister was getting engaged and decided that grandpa would want her to enjoy herself. He may well have done, since he was that type of character, but she did it for selfish reasons! She had the biggest engagment ring and made sure she was centre of attention. I did go, because I was pushed into going, but in truth, I hated it all, because I kept thinking: granpa is barely in his grave and we are just carrying on as though he was still alive.

Grief is personal to each one. Some cry; some don't, but no one has the right to say to another that their grief is not correct.

For me, I have the future to look forward to, because I believe that all our dead loved ones are coming back to life. I believe in a resurrection and it is that, which keeps me going.

 

[SusanLR]

I find it difficult to cry even though I have had on-going grief since 2013 when I lost my last family member and the one I was closest with emotionally.
For me it is a feeling of loss that threw me into an empty hole. I kept waiting for the feeling to change and somehow find motivation and happiness inside, but, it is the same everyday. I keep on with life. I don't shut myself away like some do. But, living with the mask I know what few people I associate with wants is hollow and empty.
If they see I am down, they ask what's wrong.
The only answer they want is "Nothing. I'm fine."
Sometimes I feel like screaming and running off.
Wouldn't solve it though.

Everyone experiences and lives with it in their own way.

 

[the_tortoise]

I move from sobbing, to empty/numb, to feeling such deep and unbearable pain that it's like I'm going to die and I just wish time would stop (this overlaps with sobbing, but I can feel it without shedding any tears)....and all of it is imbued with a horrible disorientation, a sense of fundamental wrong-ness about what seems like an entirely different life in an entirely different universe (a universe/life without my loved one alive and with me), and a terrible emptiness and longing to be with my lost loved one that aches and pulls at my soul like a black hole threatening to devour me from the inside.

It is easier for me to come to terms with the new reality if I am able to see the deceased person -- see their body, without them in it -- and to say goodbye in person both before and after they have died.

I find solace in music, drawing, and stories. Distraction is useful to a point, if I can manage it -- otherwise my brain shuts down a lot.

If I feel guilt, that is usually helped by talking to people -- so far nobody has ever agreed that I am a terrible person who failed my departed loved one in every way possible.