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Good with people but not connecting

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Kristiina, Feb 20, 2020.

  1. Kristiina

    Kristiina New Member

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    Disclaimer: I have not been diagnosed and can't tell if I am aspie or NT.

    Ever since I was quite young, I noticed body language and I could read it reasonably well. I remember being 7 and I was given a simple test with body language and facial expression pictures. It was easy to guess the right answers. However, I could not, for the life of me, fit in. There was always me and others. Their jokes were not funny, their logic just made no sense. Sometimes I just thought that I need to learn to think like others. I couldn't fit in with adults either. It was even a problem when taking tests in school. I just couldn't figure out what the teacher expected as an answer. It's like the thinking was just different.

    I'm really into psychology and I observe other people a lot. I try to guess how other people would react to things. This is going very well: When I'm in the right mood, I love inspiring people. Sometimes I know exactly how to phrase myself to get the effect that I want. The effect can be short-lived, as in, I can sometimes create enthusiasm that will be gone by the next day. However, there is a moral issue with it. I am really scared of influencing people to something they don't want so I really hold back and give people plenty of opportunity to disagree. But I feel I actually have a potential to learn to be a leader.

    But then again, I still don't feel much connection with almost anyone. I get along with so many people, I have a family whom I love and friends I really care about. Perhaps the only exception are my husband and kids with whom I feel a connection. I hug people easily but then I see how sometimes other people almost meld together mentally, or react to each others without much effort. More often than not, even a an adult, I feel like I'm just not part of the group. It's not that I'm not liked (I am reasonably liked), more like, I have embraced being the odd one out in nearly any group.

    does this sound aspie or NT?
     
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  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It sounds like maybe you have elements of both.
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Any neurotypical has the potential to have some autistic traits and behaviors. However having a few of them doesn't anoint them as being officially autistic either. And the reciprocal applies equally. Where a person on the spectrum of autism might have a few neurotypical traits and behaviors, and yet not be neurotypical.

    To me what you are trying to determine amounts to a quantitative distinction. That for one with an overwhelming number of autistic traits and behaviors is likely to be autistic, just as one with an overwhelming number of neurotypical traits and behaviors is most likely to be neurotypical.
     
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  4. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Based on this post, and you're original.. I'm inclined to agree with @Tom..
    If you want a label, it would probably be NT.. But, that doesn't mean you can't/don't have some autistic traits..

    Someone around here posted a graphic not too long ago as an example, of the idea that you'd have this increasing number of traits that might label you as AS, but at some point, there's a "cutoff line" that constitutes an official diagnosis.. That line is somewhat drawn arbitrarily by the medical community as a guideline to help with diagnosis. But there will be people on just the other side of that line that have a lot of AS traits, but probably wouldn't be actually called AS... It's gray...

    I wish I could find the graphic... But I can't even remember who posted it.. :confused:
     
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  5. Kristiina

    Kristiina New Member

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    Yes, I agree, and yes exactly: I am trying to quantify my autistic and neurotypical traits. I have heard that it is black and white question. Either autistic or neurotypical. It is not that simple. I am not clearly either. Or maybe I'm an example why women often dont get diagnosed. Maybe that's typical for extroverted and decently intelligent autistic women. Up to 75% of autistic women dont get diagnosed.
     
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  6. Kristiina

    Kristiina New Member

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    Thank you. This is interesting. And indeed: there seems to be a lot of gray area.
     
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  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sounds like you've come to the right place to explore the possibilities. ;)

    Agreed, with women the diagnostic process for autism is more complex given how subtle a woman's traits and behaviors may be, as well as their amplitude.

    One thing over the years that I've discovered, is to consider the multitude of possible traits and behaviors. That there's considerably more of them than one may think. Lots to ponder.
     
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  8. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    This is it rude, but :

    What difference does it make?

    The observations of your life will still be the same.
    The responsibility for making changes will still be the same.

    If the answer is aspire, you can engage in an intellectual process and be more content with not connecting to people. Is that part of it?

    Are you sure thats what they're doing? A large part of that perception is down to you.

    Could be you're more introspective than most.
    If more people did that they would likely also find that they're not that connected either.

    Are you happy? Whays really important in your life?

    Often, I find,explanations can be like putting legs on a snake.

    Takes ages,you can never quite get it right. After years of trying you realise you didnt need to do it in the first place.
     
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  9. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like a mix of both IMO. I might try to get a diagnosis though from a professional.
     
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Think the big distinctions are stimming, and delayed emotions, with sensory issues being very relevant. This is based on what l have read here.
     
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  11. Kristiina

    Kristiina New Member

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    Thank you, this is very interesting. I will think about this further. Stimming yes very often. Delayed emotions, never considered or noticed that it's a thing. Sensory issues questionable. Leaning towards not noticing most things. I enjoy being in loud flashy places. My favorite place at a metal concert is right behind the mosh pit where it is safe but I can still see sweat smearing the singer's face paint. So definitely not very sensitive but possibly unusually unsensitive. Smells are an issue though - there I am very sensitive.
     
  12. Kristiina

    Kristiina New Member

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    Thank you for the comment. I really thought about this. Why do I even want to know, what difference does it make. My life will stay the same but sometimes perception is more important than reality. I am very demanding of myself. Sometimes I am exactly what I expect of myself but then I get these times when I just can't and I really struggle to get anything done. I'm trying to find out what is causing that. Perhaps I am just incompetent. Or too demanding of myself. Maybe some of my expectations for myself are impossible for me regardless how I try to train my thought patterns. If it would turn out I was born autistic and much of what I do is just trained behavior then it would make sense that my energy level sometimes just crashes. I am also looking into medical issues concerning metabolism and blood sugar to find answers.
     
  13. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    To me,life is about falling down then getting up again.

    I try to take things with a sense of humor and to treat myself with kindness..

    How is another question. :)

    I'm not for resolutions and specifics but more for walking towards a goal.

    Slightly kinder to myself and others.
    Slightly more forgiving of my mistakes..

    If you view it as walking towards, it takes you away from a black and white , is/isnt view and gives you a more forgiving outlook.

    The challenge of how is given to you in each moment.The thoughts that arise,the habits we have,can be changed.
    We look at ourselves and choose the direction we wish to walk.

    We can fight our thoughts, battle and dance, but if we learn to love the worst parts of our self, they lose their power.
    We continue to walk,making mistakes,finding a strange happiness as we go.

    That's more my type of thing.

    Having been somewhere similar to you at times.
     
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