Good enough...

[bubbles]

Is it an aspie trait to feel like your not good enough or pretty enough to meet someone, I don't know if low self esteem is a characteristic of aspergers but would like it if someone could shed some light on their own feelings of lack of self confidence. Thank you so much in advance

 

[Sully]

I don't think low self esteem is intrinsically part of Asperger's, but often results from the way Aspies are treated.

 

[bubbles]

I don't think low self esteem is intrinsically part of Asperger's, but often results from the way Aspies are treated.

I definitely agree it seems to be a big part of an aspies life to be bullied, picked on or made to feel worthless, I don't understand why people make us feel this way. I spend my life being a nice person, but because of my quirks I was physically assaulted to the point of needing hospital treatment, and I think that may be still having affect now

 

[Warmheart]

As babies, we learn that others are dismayed by our interactions with them. It is challenging to try to connect, to try to bond with others, while expecting rejection-- when we really don't even know what we do wrong.

My opinion: I am different, not less. I am challenged, not challenging. My appearance and behavior may not meet the neurotypical expectations, but I am kind and sweet. That strong aspect of my character has it's own appeal. Will someone ever see my gifts despite my challenges? I'm not sure yet. Watch this space!

 

[On the Inside]

I suffer from low self esteem and low confidence. It is included in the document I received when I was assessed and diagnosed with Asperger's.

For me, it's not from being picked on or bullied, but from always feeling that I'm not living up to my potential, chronic underachievement, not measuring up. Other people have even pointed this out, but not in a mean way. I know I have abilities, skills, talent, am reasonably attractive, healthy, fit and have a high intelligence, so why am I always struggling, feeling less than, accepting of substandard conditions?

Yes, it has made me feel like I was not good enough to pursue relationships with people I found attractive, it has kept me from taking opportunities. While I know that it can result from how we are treated, it can also come from an internal negative assessment of oneself.

 

[bubbles]

I totally agree from both of you I wouldn't tell a guy how I feel about him because I have low expectations of how my life is going to turn out.

I believe that a person can learn how to deal with things, and I'm only 19, I hope as I grow older my perception of my appearance will improve and I will be able to talk to someone easier

 

[On the Inside]

I have worked on my concept of myself, with meditation, therapy, and cognitive behavior therapy. It's been up and down, but for the most part I've developed a better sense of self.

It does have to come from within, but it helps to have supportive people around. Focus on things you enjoy and areas where you have strengths.

 

[Licorice]

I think it's low self-esteem, which anyone can have. In my case I know I'm both plain and weird, and that not a lot of guys actually like girls who want to talk about Linux and Stanislaw Lem. Not a lot of women are into that, either.

 

[bubbles]

I think maybe finding someone who understands me would be the best thing then you don't have to pretend for your life

 

[Adora]

I think it can be both I struggle with self esteem issues all my life and a lot of it was caused by my dads drunken insults to the kids who bullied me at school,but being on the spectrum can make you vulnerable to all of this sadly.