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Going through diagnosis woman

Jazzybuns

Member
Hi i am going through diagnosis after a lifetime of anxiety/depression.

Psych has talked to me at length and given me two tests so far which can up as being on the autism spectrum.

only thing is there are things that really fit and some that don’t. Im very highly empathic and get things like sarcasm although I’ve always been told I have a quirky sense of humour. On the other hand many many other things fit. Lack of eye contact, dislike of change, meltdowns from overstimulation, lack of reading social cues or over reading them because I don’t know what I’m doing.

Is this possible? I would like to hear other women’s experience and get some help with things like overwhelm particularly when you have a family. I spent a lot of time in my room as a kid, teen and young adult and can’t do that anymore now I’m a parent . It’s really really effecting me.

Would like to know how people manage day ti day life?

Thank you
 

Luca

charm & chaos
V.I.P Member
only thing is there are things that really fit and some that don’t. Im very highly empathic and get things like sarcasm although I’ve always been told I have a quirky sense of humour. On the other hand many many other things fit.
I’m exactly the same way. I’m female but was thankfully formally diagnosed in childhood.
Women usually present with less “stereotypical” symptoms and it’s harder for us to get diagnosed.

I manage day to day life fairly well now because I have a lot of structure. I can give advice on that topic if you’d like :)

You will find a lot of valuable experiences and advice here!
Welcome :)
 

Outdated

I'm from the other end of the spectrum.
V.I.P Member
Hi Jazzybuns, welcome to the forums. Please read other people’s stories, especially the ones that you can relate to. You’ll very quickly discover that there is no stereotype that we fit, and this is why neurally typical people find us so difficult to deal with. We don’t fit into nice neat little boxes.

Women are often misdiagnosed because as a general rule women tend to be better at socialising and therefore better at hiding their differences, but other than that there is no difference between men and women as far as autism itself is concerned.

I was diagnosed as ASD2 bordering on ASD3, severely autistic. They wanted me to accept regular visits from social workers but I’m a bit of a grub and the thought of strangers seeing how I really live horrified me.

Like you I also have high empathy and I am very good at reading people, but mostly only in one on one situations. I can handle two people at once but that is pushing my limits. In a group of people I’m usually lagging several comments behind in the conversation and I become a bit lost.

I never married or had children so I can’t give you any advice on that side of life, but there are many parents on this forum both male and female that probably can. I hope you enjoy the forum and that it helps you to learn more about yourself, as it did for me.
 

Jazzybuns

Member
Hi Jazzybuns, welcome to the forums. Please read other people’s stories, especially the ones that you can relate to. You’ll very quickly discover that there is no stereotype that we fit, and this is why neurally typical people find us so difficult to deal with. We don’t fit into nice neat little boxes.

Women are often misdiagnosed because as a general rule women tend to be better at socialising and therefore better at hiding their differences, but other than that there is no difference between men and women as far as autism itself is concerned.

I was diagnosed as ASD2 bordering on ASD3, severely autistic. They wanted me to accept regular visits from social workers but I’m a bit of a grub and the thought of strangers seeing how I really live horrified me.

Like you I also have high empathy and I am very good at reading people, but mostly only in one on one situations. I can handle two people at once but that is pushing my limits. In a group of people I’m usually lagging several comments behind in the conversation and I become a bit lost.

I never married or had children so I can’t give you any advice on that side of life, but there are many parents on this forum both male and female that probably can. I hope you enjoy the forum and that it helps you to learn more about yourself, as it did for me.
Thank you. I find the same, more than a few people is overwhelming after a short period of time I get overwhelmed and shut down. Thank you for replying it’s very helpful to hear others experiences.
 

Jazzybuns

Member
I’m exactly the same way. I’m female but was thankfully formally diagnosed in childhood.
Women usually present with less “stereotypical” symptoms and it’s harder for us to get diagnosed.

I manage day to day life fairly well now because I have a lot of structure. I can give advice on that topic if you’d like :)

You will find a lot of valuable experiences and advice here!
Welcome :)
I would love some advice on structure! Thanks so much.

I don’t even know where to start to be honest
 

Luca

charm & chaos
V.I.P Member
I would love some advice on structure! Thanks so much.

I don’t even know where to start to be honest
You’re welcome!
What works really well for me is doing the same things at the same time every day.

A typical day for me looks like:

Wake up at 5am
Feed the dogs at 5:30
Dogs out at 7:30
Shower at 7:45
Start work day at 8

I work in shifts (I’m self-employed) so I have time in between for things like:
Errands
Chores
Cooking
Exercising and training my dogs
Working out
Hobbies (if time allows)

End work day at 8pm
Feed dogs at 8:30
Cook dinner at 8:45
Shower at 9
Dogs out at 9:30
Free time - computer, artwork, listen to music, watch TV/Youtube, chat with friends, etc
And then I try to be in bed by 10:45 or 11 at the latest. Doesn’t always happen though. And of course things happen so sometimes my schedule gets pushed to the later side.

On non-work days I don’t really structure the day as much and it gives me some free time.

Hope seeing it written out as a schedule helps give you some motivation! :)
 

Nitro

Admin/Immoral Turpitude
Staff member
Admin
V.I.P Member
welcome to af.png
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Welcome to the site.
I find it helps to have a goal or something to do to keep you grounded and moving forward. I work on my foreign languages. I hit the gym. I thought about going back to work but the attitude of customers in my state doesn't seem worth it. Find a gym, find some goals perhaps to work towards that represent and identify you? No matter how small, it's important not to lose yourself being a mom.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
Hello and welcome. I'm a bit of a mess and just figuring all of this out, too. I am not a mum and I can see that would certainly add some unique challenges. As Outdated said, though, there are lots of parents here who seem to manage pretty well. At least, here, we can vent together, surmise together, problem solve together, and try to figure it all out one little piece at a time.

The major breakthrough for me was arranging for part time work in a job that I love (very lucky there). This allows me to minimize burnout during the work day and then have adequate time to come home and find some peace and quiet in my room or in the forest with my dog. Much of my free time is spent here on the forum because there are so many different facets to it.

I hope you find this is a good place for you.
 

Shamar

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi i am going through diagnosis after a lifetime of anxiety/depression.

Psych has talked to me at length and given me two tests so far which can up as being on the autism spectrum.

only thing is there are things that really fit and some that don’t. Im very highly empathic and get things like sarcasm although I’ve always been told I have a quirky sense of humour. On the other hand many many other things fit. Lack of eye contact, dislike of change, meltdowns from overstimulation, lack of reading social cues or over reading them because I don’t know what I’m doing.

Is this possible? I would like to hear other women’s experience and get some help with things like overwhelm particularly when you have a family. I spent a lot of time in my room as a kid, teen and young adult and can’t do that anymore now I’m a parent . It’s really really effecting me.

Would like to know how people manage day ti day life?

Thank you
You will find all of those characteristics are present in this group, but not all of them in all of us. Many of us were also misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. Not to mention bipolar, delusion, paranoia, and sociopathy. You are not alone here and have found some solid commonality and mutual support. I bet you have also been diagnosed with social anxiety. You may also want to ask your psychs about ADHD and anthrophobia (fear of people). Both are represented here and are know to be co-morbid with autism, although anthrophobia is less represented.

As you adjust to autism and learn more about it, you will find many of the mysteries of your life explained. Good luck on your new journey.
 

Jazzybuns

Member
You will find all of those characteristics are present in this group, but not all of them in all of us. Many of us were also misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. Not to mention bipolar, delusion, paranoia, and sociopathy. You are not alone here and have found some solid commonality and mutual support. I bet you have also been diagnosed with social anxiety. You may also want to ask your psychs about ADHD and anthrophobia (fear of people). Both are represented here and are know to be co-morbid with autism, although anthrophobia is less represented.

As you adjust to autism and learn more about it, you will find many of the mysteries of your life explained. Good luck on your new journey.
You will find all of those characteristics are present in this group, but not all of them in all of us. Many of us were also misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. Not to mention bipolar, delusion, paranoia, and sociopathy. You are not alone here and have found some solid commonality and mutual support. I bet you have also been diagnosed with social anxiety. You may also want to ask your psychs about ADHD and anthrophobia (fear of people). Both are represented here and are know to be co-morbid with autism, although anthrophobia is less represented.

As you adjust to autism and learn more about it, you will find many of the mysteries of your life explained. Good luck on your new journey.
Thank you. I initially got diagnosed with adhd (inattentive type) my psych seems to think I may have both. Yes also diagnosed previously with social anxiety. I also have been diagnosed with ocd which I’ve had since a child but it only becomes a huge problem when I’ve under stress.
 

GypsyMoth

Sui generis.
V.I.P Member
I don’t even know where to start to be honest
My new favorite saying might help: How do eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

One thing you're going to find is there is a whole different language to acquire. As you run across new terms, it might be helpful to either do a search here on Autism Forums on that term and see what others have said as they relate their experiences to it, or Google it.

There are a lot of online screening tests, too, and the take-away for you might just be outside affirmation at this point, seeing that your psych suspects it already. I saved each screening test I took and gave it to the therapist I've been seeing. To say she was impressed is an understatement--she spent, like, ten minutes looking through it and drew some surprising conclusions. So, doing something like that might be useful if not now, but later.

I'm going to attach a couple of links you might find helpful. There is a lot written about this out there, but maybe it can help point you in the right direction?

https://www.aane.org/women-asperger-profiles/



I'd share what I've been going through if I thought it would help. It probably wouldn't. But I can say I am being more conscientious in seeking out alone time, in allowing myself/giving myself permission to stim, and in a way have accepted that (for now) the executive function battle (cleaning house) can happen another day. What has probably helped more than anything else has been a friend who has Asperger's. She's been there, you know? There is a whole different way of understanding myself that's going on with this. I swear she can read my mind and she puts into words the things I'm feeling in a way I can't in the moment. If you can find such a person who can mentor you one-on-one, who can point things out in the moment, as they're happening, it might help you be more aware of how it is you do (or don't) fit on the spectrum. At least, I'm finding it helpful to have someone there who does this for me.
 

Owliet

The Hidden One.
V.I.P Member
Hi i am going through diagnosis after a lifetime of anxiety/depression.

Psych has talked to me at length and given me two tests so far which can up as being on the autism spectrum.

only thing is there are things that really fit and some that don’t. Im very highly empathic and get things like sarcasm although I’ve always been told I have a quirky sense of humour. On the other hand many many other things fit. Lack of eye contact, dislike of change, meltdowns from overstimulation, lack of reading social cues or over reading them because I don’t know what I’m doing.

Is this possible? I would like to hear other women’s experience and get some help with things like overwhelm particularly when you have a family. I spent a lot of time in my room as a kid, teen and young adult and can’t do that anymore now I’m a parent . It’s really really effecting me.

Would like to know how people manage day ti day life?

Thank you
I was diagnosed as a teenager, so dont really know the process for adult diagnoses that well. As a teenager, I desperately wanted to fit in and be normal, I think every teenage girl wants that but to be told that I wasn’t, I didnt really see having my diagnose as something that made sense /clarity until much later. Even being diagnosed, I was offered support groups that had mostly guys and I didnt really think they were that helpful because they were much worse than I was. It was until I went to university where i met other girls with ASD that I really connected with them because they had similar experiences to myself.

Women on the spectrum are often difficult to diagnose because we tend to mimic what we see. We try more socially and we tend to mask (unless situations become much more difficult). However, saying that once it’s clear that there are signs, then it’s clear. I suggest, that you do a lot of reading and find books about ASD that focus on women who are on the spectrum — it really does help to make more sense.

I dont have children, so I cant really help in that regard. But do make sure that you find some time for yourself. As for managing my day. I find having a calendar helps to give me structure that I really need to have.

Finally, welcome to the forum. =)
 

Richelle-H

Relaxed Relativity Inspector
V.I.P Member
I am who I am today because of my mother's refusal to give up on me. She repeatedly forced me into thing I was extremely uncomfortable with, socializing me at an early age by way of my learning to mask to fit in. Truth be told: I rarely had the spotlight outside of music lessons and I quickly developed masks for all occasions. Mostly I found ways to isolate myself, sometimes people watching, sometimes sketching, sometimes reading a book. Of course all of these thigs inevitably caused some to feel the need to interact. I would quickly size them up and present myself to fit the need.

In this manner, I weathered, family get togethers and social events. My Asperger's must have been full blown even then, I certainly remember comments like "you're weird" or "strange". I would get very withdrawn and always felt out of my depth.

Things changed little until I finally understood that I just interacted with the world and people in a different way. So I just dived deep and stripped away all the artifice and the learned reactions to start anew. this was well before I received my diagnosis. I think I taught myself to be socially invisible, only interacting when called upon and then to the minimum required. I think I exuded an aura of don't you dare come over here. Even with that, there were a few brave souls that found my quirky sense of humor and observations in the moment, enough to accept me into their circle.

I was at this level eight or nine years before I was diagnosed and it was pure happenstance that someone I was quite intimate with and who was studying for a masters in psychology looked at me one evening and said "I think you might have Asperger's". This came as a complete surprise and only through their urging did I go to a psychiatrist at my HMO at the time.

If I had to guess, I think that I just accepted that my way of seeing, hearing, interpreting, speaking and living upsets many, but only if they are in my presence and interacting for long periods of time. Mainly this is because I am still rather timid around those I do not know, but even that might shift with the context.

I think it all comes down to focusing on what is important to you and ignoring those who say you are crazy, weird, or delusional. You have as much right to be listened to and granted your views even if those around you shake their heads either in front or you or behind your back. Most of us on the spectrum seem to have far more tolerance of the rude people in this world than those same rude people could ever muster for anyone that was not one of them. You are among friends, just relax and be your true self for a change.

Welcome home.
 

Moogwizard

My Brain is Only a Receiver
V.I.P Member
@Jazzybuns

Maybe you have learned to mask well? And maybe you are understanding social things ,But are they to the fullest degree?
All the little idiosyncrasies and social cues that are non-verbal.
Do you know what people are thinking without them speaking ?

Being that 75% of communication during verbal communication in non verbal, I tend to fill in the blanks . Most of the time incorrectly. And due to life stress and , social demands for the week , the ability to pick up on the few things I can gets worse.

Personally I pick up on sarcasm very well , and I like to be funny and sarcastic myself in a good way , but knowing the right time to do so eludes me . I refer to it as my social battery. I have to stop and recharge depending on the social demands for the week.

Like others have said here , many have been misdiagnosed due to the overlapping within the spectrum.

I am not a women , but figured I would try to help .I am sure you will find lots of help on here .
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
Hello and welcome!

Sharing in other's experiences and stories is a great way to get ideas on how to cope with day-to-day life. There's lots of books, online blogs and videos, and of course, a lovely community here where many are happy to jump in with anecdotes, tips and tricks. :)
 

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