Getting Over Break-ups

[CassieR]

I am only 14 years old, I know this shouldn't be so serious but it is. No one really understands it.

A guy, I really liked. I thought he liked me too. Broke up with me only after two weeks of us being together. This hasn't been the first time because another guy broke up with me after a day. It took me 3 years to get over the first guy. This other guy I've grown to have liked more then the other guy.

This guy is now texting me and we are having normal conversations as I deal with the pain of not really knowing why he broke up with me. I don't ask because I know he will say something corny and stupid.

My parents, family, and friends are not much of help. I tell them what I'm going through, they feel bad and try and comfort me. Next day, they treat me like its any normal day and don't see what I'm going through. I can't tell them that I'm going through this because they will think its me trying to get attention or trying to get out of doing everyday things.

I've always put myself down, it's normal for me. It has only been a couple years since my mom told me I have Aspergers. I still don't really know what to do or who to talk to.

What can I do to get over this? Who should I talk to? How can I show everyone I'm not okay?

Please, your help will maybe my only hope before I do something I regret.

 

[Ereth]

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but you will grow stronger.

If the breakup is affecting you this strongly and your family members do not realize it in spite of you telling them, you might consider speaking to your school counselor, a trusted teacher, or the religious/spiritual leader of your choice. (Basically, find a trustworthy adult who may be better equipped to handle this situation.)

One more thing: if you're really afraid to ask your ex why he broke up with you because he'd say "something corny and stupid," is he really worth your tears? He didn't give you a straight answer and now he's back to talking to you as if nothing happened. At best, he's being a typical teenager, going through "relationships" like a person with a cold does with a box of tissues. At worst, he's incredibly callous. Either way, you don't like yourself, and that's no good.

If you've been feeling sad for a long time or having suicidal thoughts, I highly recommend seeking professional help.

 

[daisychain]

{{hugs}} Cassie! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Couple of things -- you say your mom told you a few years ago you had Asperger's -- do you think you do? There's a test/quiz you can take (some members on this site reference their scores). Does that describe you?

Next -- I know how much it hurts to be you right now. My boyfriend of 2 weeks dumped me in 7th grade and I have never been in as much pain since (I'm now 52). These things really hurt. Especially when the other person can't really explain why they did what they did.

Lastly -- you need someone to talk to. A therapist, or social worker. Someone who understands you and is compassionate. Sometimes (and I say this as a parent) the people you think would give you all that just can't. They're either too busy or tired or stressed or they think your being unhappy means they're not a good parent somehow.

When you ask "what can I do to get over this?" I come back to your other statement: "I've always put myself down - -it's normal for me." They're intertwined. You need to respect the unique and wonderful person you are -- not put yourself down. And getting over this means telling yourself -- this one person didn't want a relationship with me -- that doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love. It just reflects where he is at this point in his life.

Please update us here. There are a lot of caring people on this site.

 

[Juju92]

I have exactly the same problem. I also dated a guy who I was in love with for 2 weeks, and he was my first one. I cried and got obsessed with him for 2 years after the breaking up. I didn't know exactly why he did that, and I started to get my own conclusions (which my parents say its a "fantasy") but later I met someone else, which was great cause I forgot my ex. But after a short time he broke up with me too. He kept texting me after some time we broke up, and I decided to keep the contact, but after asking him out as friends (because we text all the time, why not to see each other?) he revealed that he couldnt cause he was in a relashionship...so I stop texting him. I still am trying to forget what happened but its not so easy. I also put myself down thinking that I can't have a boyfriend cause I am not pretty enough etc. I am sorry I really wanted to help you but I still dont have a answer cause I am also in trouble with my diagnosis. But I thought you would feel better if I share my story with you cause we have a very similar story wish you all the best and hope we can find our way xxx

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

It matters to you. People are hard to figure out. One thing that's so: it's a little about you and a lot more about him. That's not obvious at 14. And sometimes it's not obvious 34, or 44. It's wrong, and bad for you, to assume you did something " wrong." You were yourself, and who you are is a work in progress. Feel the love from home and here, and grieve.