Forced Conversation

[DeaDellaLuna]

I'm fifteen and lately I noticed I don't really know how to talk to people and it just always feels a little weird. But today I was talking to my friend on Facebook and then he told me to text him, and then we were talking and I asked if he would like to continue our prior discussion. Then he asked why I have to make everything so systematic. And the answer is I never really realized that I did. And I wish a NT would just sit with me and teach me how to have a conversation. Does this happen to anyone else? And any tips on making the conversation feel like I'm not forcing it? I have no clue what else to do, but I always feel like this is happening.

 

[Mattymatt]

I'm fifteen and lately I noticed I don't really know how to talk to people and it just always feels a little weird. But today I was talking to my friend on Facebook and then he told me to text him, and then we were talking and I asked if he would like to continue our prior discussion. Then he asked why I have to make everything so systematic. And the answer is I never really realized that I did. And I wish a NT would just sit with me and teach me how to have a conversation. Does this happen to anyone else? And any tips on making the conversation feel like I'm not forcing it? I have no clue what else to do, but I always feel like this is happening.

As an older aspie, yes, I've experienced this. Asking questions of the other person and inviting them to speak is a great way to make things flow a little bit better. It also gets you in the habit of really listening to a person and really getting to know them. Conversation is a give and take art and it will take practice. What you have the ability to do well is be a good, active listener. By active listening, I mean doing so without interruption or letting your mind make judgements. Just really take in the other person. Again, it will take practice but there is a lot to say for being a good listener.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

As an older aspie, yes, I've experienced this. Asking questions of the other person and inviting them to speak is a great way to make things flow a little bit better. It also gets you in the habit of really listening to a person and really getting to know them. Conversation is a give and take art and it will take practice. What you have the ability to do well is be a good, active listener. By active listening, I mean doing so without interruption or letting your mind make judgements. Just really take in the other person. Again, it will take practice but there is a lot to say for being a good listener.

Everything he said. You got that down pretty well, Mattymatt. You sure you're not an NT?
DeadellaLuna, you can also hop on over to the thread "NT and Aspie Communication" and learn some things too!

 

[Mattymatt]

Everything he said. You got that down pretty well, Mattymatt. You sure you're not an NT?
DeadellaLuna, you can also hop on over to the thread "NT and Aspie Communication" and learn some things too!

I'm on the spectrum so says the doc that diagnosed me :-D I know that it is incredibly tiresome living in the NT world but it's impossible to change other people's behavior. Rather than throw up my hands and quit, I taught myself a modicum of social skills to navigate the basic world. I learned so much through speaking less and observing more. The very best advice I've ever received is to listen. I got myself to a point where I can be actually comfortable in small to medium sized social situations where the music isn't loud and the venue isn't claustrophobic.

My aspie ness is most noticeable in the workplace or when I'm upset. The NT world expects me to be a multitasker, good at meetings, able to handle competitiveness at work, and figure out the wants and needs of groups competing for influence. In my brief stint as a project manager, I managed to piss everyone off by not being able to "read the unwritten rules" of the workplace. Even listening failed to produce the needed results when I could not find a common ground between two work groups on the same project that hated each other and only let me know what their needs are in the most oblique of ways. This is despite asking. I'd better find a suitable career soon or I'll be working until I drop dead.