Flirting???

[Bumbalina]

I recently came back from a works do in Glasgow that consisted of a lot of free booze and a swanky hotel. I felt a bit annoyed because a senior colleague made a pass as me (knowing that I was married and not interested). I turned him down and that was that.

When I got home I told my husband about it. He's cool and not the type to get all paranoid and crazy about it and anyway, I tell him everything. During the conversation he said "well you can come across as flirty, maybe he misunderstood you". This comment got me thinking because I have never ever perceived myself as flirty, nor have I been told that I am (unless I have been intentionally flirting). So I asked Neil to elaborate and he said "well, you are really chatty" and I was like "so, that's just talking" and his response was "well, men see that as flirting"

So, my question is. Do men see a chatty woman as a flirt or is this a common misunderstanding of aspie men that women are flirting with them when in actual fact they are just being friendly and chatty with no hidden agenda.

I was and remain to be confused and puzzled because like I've said, I'm just a friendly chatty person.

Thanks.

 

[Rayner]

It depends on the guy, personally I wouldn't have considered it flirting just because someone is chatty. Now to be honest I'm not really an expert in this subject. Being an aspie I'm always aware that there may be some hidden agenda until it's proven that's it's not there. Hope it helps. I'm 17 and severely autistic so again I'm probably not the best person to take advice from.

 

[Bumbalina]

Hey Rayner. Any advice is good advice and thank you for taking the time to reply

 

[Rayner]

No problem glad I could be sorta useful.

 

[AGXStarseed]

I think some guys - suffice it to say - will try and make a pass at women regardless. I've heard stories from some women (Aspie and NT alike) who say that they've had blokes at their workplaces making passes at them, even if the woman who the bloke is making a pass at is already married and has the ring on her finger in plain sight.

Some women have replied to these men with the "I'm already married so clear off" response, yet some men carry on as if marriage is no barrier to getting in bed with any women who makes their 'manhood tingle', so to speak.
Sorry to say, but some men really are pigs at times (and I say this as a bloke). Thankfully, not all men are like this and may have genuinely misread any 'signals' you were intentionally or unintentionally giving off.

 

[Judge]

So, my question is. Do men see a chatty woman as a flirt or is this a common misunderstanding of aspie men that women are flirting with them when in actual fact they are just being friendly and chatty with no hidden agenda.

LOL...quite the opposite. In my own case I wouldn't say I misinterpret so much as I simply don't see it. So I'm more likely to take conversation itself strictly at face value unless it's only small talk which bores me. Yet if you add a certain body language and consistent inflections into the conversation, eventually I may or may not figure it out.

Which might explain a few times when women became overtly physical with me. I guess they ran out of patience.

 

[Bumbalina]

I think the guy was of the pig variety and thought because he was one of the bosses with money I would be all oh yeah! I trampled on his ego and I was happy to make him look like the idiot that he is.

It was more the comment of my aspie husband about me being flighty. He reckons I am, I don't. It's not an issue because even if I was flirting he wouldn't be bothered, he rarely shows any feelings of distrust or jealously etc. Which I guess is a first for me.

 

[Bumbalina]

LOL...quite the opposite. In my own case I wouldn't say I misinterpret so much as I simply don't see it. So I'm more likely to take conversation itself strictly at face value unless it's only small talk which bores me. Yet if you add a certain body language and consistent inflections into the conversation, eventually I may or may not figure it out.

Which might explain a few times when women became overtly physical with me. I guess they ran out of patience.

 

[Bumbalina]

Awwwwww!

 

[weth]

I've been the jealous guy it didn't work then and it wouldn't work now i trust my wife simple as. The point I was making and maybe it has been lost in translation is that as a guy if a girl is talking to me intently then I'd take that after awhile as either I'm a great conversationalist which I'm not or she likes me that's my point and most guys are fickle enough to think the latter. It's a shame that a women can't talk to a guy normally but that's the society we live in I guess

 

[DogwoodTree]

So, my question is. Do men see a chatty woman as a flirt or is this a common misunderstanding of aspie men that women are flirting with them when in actual fact they are just being friendly and chatty with no hidden agenda.

My therapist (who is male) told me that when I ask guys questions about themselves and try to engage in a more serious conversation than just the usual scripted stuff, that this often comes across as flirting. Maybe it's the way I do it, I don't know.

Last spring, I reconnected with an old school friend. I admired him as a person back then (but not in a romantic way), and was glad to reconnect. I wanted to build the friendship, and so I asked lots of questions about his life, his interests, his background...just stuff that seemed important in getting to know someone. It wasn't long until he started getting provocative with me, even though we're both married. I was so confused, and really hurt that he was turning the conversation that way. I asked my T about it, and he said that my questions were sending the wrong message.

So, maybe that's not quite the same kind of situation as what you experienced. But apparently, there is a group of men who perceive interested questioning as flirting.

 

[tfwo]

I tend to be rather standoffish, and as a result I think that prevents most strangers from talking to me. On the odd occasion that someone does, I'm always questioning their motives. I could see how someone in my situation, if they thought the person was attractive, might assume that they were being flirted with. Unfortunately, I can't tell you how many times that it hit me, some minutes or hours later, that a woman was flirting with me. Now you have me wondering if I have misjudged those situations! Ha!

 

[weth]

Days later when ur replaying things in your head and suddenly u realise

 

[Jonathan Lees]

LOL...quite the opposite. In my own case I wouldn't say I misinterpret so much as I simply don't see it. So I'm more likely to take conversation itself strictly at face value unless it's only small talk which bores me. Yet if you add a certain body language and consistent inflections into the conversation, eventually I may or may not figure it out.

Which might explain a few times when women became overtly physical with me. I guess they ran out of patience.

im exactly the same I've missed some opportunity's.

i think all we can say is that aspies struggle with flirting and confuse chatting with flirting, and at other times confuse flirting with ordinary chatting.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Bumbalina, So, my question is. Do men see a chatty woman as a flirt or is this a common misunderstanding of aspie men that women are flirting with them when in actual fact they are just being friendly and chatty with no hidden agenda.

I was and remain to be confused and puzzled because like I've said, I'm just a friendly chatty person.

Thanks.[/QUOTE]
Cuts both ways sometimes a girl will avoid you if she is sweet on you some of the more daring ones will chat you up.

Sometimes more talkative girls are the ones with less defencive boundaries, (translation easy prey), perhaps he mistook you for that. I wouldn't feel too bad tho he was the creep you are married he should have left you alone no matter what you did...to bad you didn't have pepper spray handy....just kidding maybe?

I think outgoing ladies make the world more lovely....try not to let him make the world more gray than it already is.

That's my stupid two bits for the day.

 

[Tom]

I think a lot of men will take any friendliness as a possible opening for them to persue. They don't care if you are flirting or married, etc.

 

[NovaScotia Aspie]

I tend to be rather standoffish, and as a result I think that prevents most strangers from talking to me. On the odd occasion that someone does, I'm always questioning their motives. I could see how someone in my situation, if they thought the person was attractive, might assume that they were being flirted with. Unfortunately, I can't tell you how many times that it hit me, some minutes or hours later, that a woman was flirting with me. Now you have me wondering if I have misjudged those situations! Ha!

I am the same way so if a woman was chatty with me I might perceive it as flirting since it certainly isn't the norm . I am terrible at deciphering flirting though in general,I am a black and white thinker .

 

[Beverly]

Well now, a normal guy vs a rich pig are two different things. Money and notoriety do strange things to your mind when you have both and, that gets worse the more times someone comes on to you because of it. After a while you begin to assume any conversation lasting more than three sentences with anyone who is not a colleague is a come on, even if it doesn't sound like one. You assume the person is too embarrassed to outright say they want to jump your bones or go out with you.

In reality, you'd be right about 75% of the time but, it's a bad mistake to make that assumption, it really does make you a pig.

Outside of that, yes, I think some decent guys might thing chatting was an attempt to get to know them or stay near them longer but, not all of them.

Personally I prefer the guys to be more direct and, I am very direct if I'm interested in getting to know a guy as more than a friend.