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Feeling Childish: I get jealous easily + still not understand social standing

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Nov 22, 2019.

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  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I'm one whom believes that the World should be fair. Now, I know that this does not happen, but it is part of my core belief system. Anyway, I am one to get jealous VERY EASILY, I can't help or control it.

    I know that it is a childish emotion and when I am feeling jealous at the time I am thinking 'this is really immature of you to be feeling this way, stop it'. But I cannot help it, it is my natural emotion that just comes out. I get jealous of EVERYTHING, it's not just specific things but everything.

    I'd love to know what I could do to rectify this? Or will this just be a slow process to a situation where I am no longer feeling jealous?

    ___________________________

    An example, would be with other males. I GET SO jealous when another male receives a lot of female attention.

    I have been watching a TrueCrime YouTube channel recently.. I do try to participate in the lives every night. It's mostly women in there, which would fit in with myself as I do primarily get along with women.

    So, when a man comes in they get a lot of attention... except me. I don't know if it's my age or what? I just don't get a lot of attention in there.

    Anyway, recently there's been a guy that has come along and by god does he receive a lot of attention. The woman who runs the channel constantly liaises with him, she constantly picks up on his comments, and names him. Recently she made a video where she mentioned him about x10 times.

    She has also allowed him to call in on around 3 nights consecutively which is very rare of her to do, as she has a strict calling system (you have to email her and get permission to call in).

    I then feel myself becoming quite angry. I am thinking 'ok, i'm a male too, but they're all ignoring me and giving him so much attention'.

    Here is a video of hers where they are all fawning over him:

    If you read the comments, they're constantly praising him saying that they'd love to go out with him if he was local, and that he's a 'great guy'. He's then saying 'woot woot' and talking all about himself. I've actually looked at his profile and he's not that attractive so I don't know why he's getting so much attention. As an individual, based on how he talks, he comes off as kind of arrogant, dare I say 'narcissistic' - so I don't know what these woman see in him?

    I recall typing something like ,'aw enough about him, what about dating me, any takers?', at one point. And was ignored.

    Here's one of her videos where she talks about him about 10 times:

    He's called 'E...'. At 3:34 in this video she even says 'and E, this video is especially for you'.

    With scenarios such as this, I think to myself, 'why is he getting so much attention, what is so special about him?'. I start to think about myself, go into myself feeling insecure and that there is something unappealing about me.

    But the thing is, he only came along recently, I have been in her channel for months. Why is he receiving special treatment? I even said 'they should rename this the E... channel because that's all she does is chat to him'. Again that comment was ignored.

    I dunno, i'm not sure why she gives him so much attention, there are hundreds of people commenting at any one time during her lives. I've been a committed viewer of her channel for months and months, yet that loyalty doesn't seem to mean anything to her as she runs towards him every single night, barely acknowledging my comments? In fact, she sometimes doesn't actually acknowledge my comments. This is quite frustrating as I have to get up at 4am to watch her lives, that's a lot of effort. :(

    As of late, when he comes on I just sign off and go to bed. I can't be bothered listening to his voice, or to see/listen to them fawning all over him.

    Anyone see what i'm talking about? How do I rectify these feelings of feeling ugly, unwanted and worthless because i'm constantly ignored?
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
  2. Sora

    Sora Professional imaginative

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    Humans can't help but yearn for what they don't have, that will never change no matter how much you age. While it's not childish, it is selfish, but as long as you know it's a bad thing I think it's okay. Because if you're conscious of it you can stop yourself from acting on it and maybe from doing something you'd regret
     
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  3. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Mature adults don't seem to get jealous that often and/or seem to be able to move on from it quite quickly.
     
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  4. Sora

    Sora Professional imaginative

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    What I meant to say was that it's something normal, just like any other feeling. The extension of it varies from person to person. Just like some people feel sad or happy more often than others, some feel jealousy the same way.
    What makes people think jealousy is something childish is the fact that while the kid is too simple to keep their selfishness to themselves, most adults grow a mask so that others won't notice it. That can be something good or bad, it depends on the point of view
     
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  5. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    dies laughing
     
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  6. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Ah, I already know where this is going. As do you, it would appear.

    *sigh* I think I need not say more than that this time, eh? May as well observe, though.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l am in the viewing room too. Don't hog the popcorn!
     
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  8. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Watch you actually provide some helpful advice. :mad:
     
  9. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    We did.

    You ignored literally all of it because you didnt like it. Because clearly, that's how advice works, right? And now you seem to be resorting to pointless rudeness. Quite childish, that. All because the advice people try to give doesnt fit the pre-conceived, self-serving ideas you already had even before posting ANY of these topics. Why even come here for help, if you arent going to even CONSIDER listening to anyone?

    And so, you'll certainly get no more advice from me, then. It serves no logical purpose. Likely, there are more than a few others here thinking the same thing by now. Call it a hunch. Either way, I'm merely an observer at this point, even though I already know where this goes next. I dont intend on conversing with you any further unless given one heck of a good reason. Only gonna watch from this point on.

    Hmm... it occurs to me that you might not be able to see this post. Considering the outburst last time. And yet, I typed it anyway. Funny how that works.
     
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  10. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I thought you blocked me Misery? Not sure what your issue is but your not being very kind.
     
  11. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Frostee - if the YouTube channel participants aren't enthralled with you, and it is critical to your wellbeing that everyone be enthralled with you all the time, then you need to find another channel. Or create a channel of your own which you can control to your satisfaction. You don't work, have lots of time on your hands to obsess over stuff, and you need a healthy outlet. Go for it!
     
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  12. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    All I can suggest is to distract yourself from thinking like “ why him and not me?” because ultimately it doesn’t matter - nobody likes everyone equally and there could be any number of reasons for someone to like someone else more than you, same as with any other person.

    It hurts to not be liked but I am guessing you don’t like everyone and wouldn’t want to be forced to act as if you did? Nobody is obligated to like you just as you are not obligated to like anybody else. The feelings we have for others are personal and not required to be equal for everyone.

    Try to do something you normally enjoy or that requires your full attention when you are feeling jealous, maybe. To try to get your brain to stop perseverating on the jealous feelings and thoughts.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
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  13. AuBurney Tuckerson

    AuBurney Tuckerson ~GigglesTheAutisticHyena~

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    You should see the last relationship my mother had. Her boyfriend got jealous of us kidskids and wanted all the attention for himself.

    Anyways, that was my mother's private life, so I'm not gonna get into it. The point is, you're not wrong for feeling a little jealous because I'd be annoyed, too, if they were constantly rubbing in how "special" this guy is and ignoring you completely. I'd just get mad and leave. But I'm not a man, so..

    You're not childish for feeling insecure from that. It's deep-rooted in all species when it comes to getting a female. That's how males are competitive in the wild. I'm not saying you're right to feel jealous, but I'm saying that it comes naturally. Like Sora said.
     
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  14. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    You know you are right, it is evolutionary. I still though feel really immature for feeling this way, and not knowing how to adequately respond to this.

    Feeling ill treated but then thinking and wondering if I am immature to be fighting over attention or wondering why I am not getting the attention.

    Thank You for your kind post.
     
  15. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Actually I thought you blocked me. Or, to be more accurate, I thought there was a decent chance it had happened.

    It would appear there is some confusion here. Well, that's not new for me.

    Regardless of that though, my earlier comment stands. It's not meant to be mean. But it is meant to be the truth, based on all that has happened in this whole saga so far.

    And that's is all. Nothing else to say. Just going to observe.
     
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  16. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Charming people have an incalculable advantage in this world. And unfortunately, autistic people tend to lack charm because of our struggles with cognitive empathy and such. But coming off as whiney, immature, and entitled certainly shoots you in the foot even more. If the girl doesn’t notice you, then move on. Don’t make pouty comments on her YouTube channel. Show a little dignity.

    It sounds like you need a hobby, Frostee. You pour so much time and energy into feeling persecuted and wondering why people don’t adore you. Find something constructive to do and for goodness sake take the advice we’ve spent so much time giving you! It’s so disrespectful to constantly post poor-me threads when you just want attention but don’t actually care what we say or think.
     
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  17. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I will just second the bit that having a real hobby helps a ton.

    Dunno what I'd do without mine. Go crazy, probably.
     
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  18. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    There isn't much for me to do here.
     
  19. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    Boo hoo hoo. :(
     
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  20. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Reading, writing, biking, hiking, learn to draw, learn to paint, volunteer, cooking, yoga, candle making, study a particular subject in depth, puzzles, start a blog, bird watching, learn a new language, learn to play an instrument, genealogy, dance, swimming, meditation, study history...
     
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